Ik heb dit gewoon geschreven om te oeffenen, dus zou je het even willen lezen en feedback geven? Ik zou het superlief vinden <3
As he walked home he noticed tiny droplets falling from the sky. He looked up and saw that the sky was packed with dark and heavy clouds which meant rain and most likely a thunderstorm. He shivered and pulled the zipper of his jacked a bit further up. He never liked this type of weather and to be honest, he was deadly afraid of lightning. So he decided to walk even faster than he already did, hasting through the desolate and eerie streets of his small birth town. He knew these street very well and therefore he knew he had a long way to walk before arriving home.
The rain fell down faster and faster now, and soon, his shoes were soaked, just like his shoulders and his curls, which usually danced around his head lively, but were now stuck to his face with water and almost straight. He felt a headache rising because of the almost frozen raindrops slamming on his forehead. He was wet and cold and felt utterly miserable. He groaned, swiping his hair out of his face. Why didn’t he take an umbrella?
He walked past the houses, peeking inside, hearing the laughter and seeing happy families made him feel nostalgic and sad. He started to walk slower when he saw a father hugging his son. His thoughts were suddenly drawn back to his own father and it felt as if a knife has stabbed him right in the heart, blood gushing out his chest, leaving nothing but an empty shell. He suddenly turned away, almost running out of the street to a remote little park. He leaned against a large oak tree, looking up at the sky in desperation.
His eyes became watery and his throat felt clogged, but he wanted to stay strong, even though no one would see him out here, in the dark. There were a million thought and feelings running through his head at the moment, but mostly, he envied the boy he had just seen through the window. The boy with the loving father. Why didn’t he have a loving father? A father who would hug him if he was feeling low and who he could talk to. Bu ever since the Conversation, he and his father hadn’t spoken a single word to each other and whenever they happened to be in the same room, the atmosphere turned ice cold and he could see the hatred and disgust in his father’s eyes.
Tears mixed with rainwater as he slowly sank down to the roots of the tree and buried his head in his hands. He began crying loudly, with his shoulders shaking, his eyes getting red and swollen and his tears leaving warm traces on his cheeks. But he didn’t care. He let all his emotions out, let he tears wash away all the stress and fear of losing everyone he ever loved. His heart fell apart as he sat there, in self-pity. His body turned cold as stone because of the chilly wind, but all he could do was cry.
When he felt like no more tears would come, he stood up and sniffled, but he got himself together and with trembling hands, he wiped away the tears, even though it had n use, because the rain was still pouring down. He felt dried-out and empty, but also strangely relieved.
Is dit goed?? - Story problemen
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23 jan 2013 - 16:41
23 jan 2013 - 17:10
23 jan 2013 - 17:15
Kwijt schreef:
Hier heb je eigenlijk betareaders voor.
Ook voor engelse teksten? ik dacht dat de Béta's er enkel zijn voor de nederlandse teksten... maar ik kan er ook naast zitten natuurlijk
Ik kan je helaas niet helpen, want mijn engels faalt onwijs
[ bericht aangepast op 23 jan 2013 - 17:15 ]
“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”
23 jan 2013 - 17:26
Merrow schreef:
(...)
Ook voor engelse teksten? ik dacht dat de Béta's er enkel zijn voor de nederlandse teksten... maar ik kan er ook naast zitten natuurlijk
Ik kan je helaas niet helpen, want mijn engels faalt onwijs
Je kan aangeven of de tekst Engels of Nederlands is, dus ja, ook voor Engelse teksten."Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” - C.S. Lewis
23 jan 2013 - 17:30
Merrow schreef:
(...)
Ook voor engelse teksten? ik dacht dat de Béta's er enkel zijn voor de nederlandse teksten... maar ik kan er ook naast zitten natuurlijk
Ik kan je helaas niet helpen, want mijn engels faalt onwijs
Bèta's zijn er ook voor Engelse teksten.Take me to wonderland
23 jan 2013 - 21:01
23 jan 2013 - 21:24
