It seemed like the daughter of the king was almost as angry as she was beautiful. Her brown eyes were filled with rage and her pale fists, which she hid behind her back, were clenched together. She, Kylis Baratheon, was promised to a man from The North. A man as cool as snow and harsh as winter.
'You and your mother should do as I tell. That's final.' The King had spoken and the room fell silent. Kylis could only hear the the soft displeased grunts of her mother.
Daughter of the king is uiteraard goed, maar voor het mooie zou ik er zelf the king's daughter van maken. Tis meer een optie, het hoeft niet.
"Do as I tell" moet "do as i say" worden.
Komma toegevoegd in het rood
If Kylis wasn't so courteous, she would have fallen on her knees and beg the King to change his mind, but she knew such things would not persuade her father. But she knew she had to try something. She could feel her own heart beating rapidly in her chest when she opened her mouth.
'He will rape me,' she suddenly whispered. The words were loud enough for her mother to hear and it broke the tense silence. The queen's eyes shot up and she looked at her oldest daughter in fear and suprise. The king noticed and he told his daughter to speak up. 'He wand ill rape me,' she repeated, now for her father to hear. 'How can you send me away with such prospect'.
"Beg" moet 'begged" worden.
Ik zou de onderstreepte "but she knew" vervangen door "though she realized" of "However, she realized". Hij zit anders in de weg met de "but she knew" van de vorige zin.
"Suprise" moet "surprise" zijn.
"He wand till rape me" Hier heb je je volgens mij even vertypt x)
Komma toegevoegd in het rood. Komma in een punt veranderd, ook in het rood.
'It's an alliance we need, so you will do everything to keep the man pleased. If he tells you to get on hands and knees, you'll do as he wishes!'
'He likes his women screaming.' Cersei spoke up, while her hand quickly found her daughter's back as she looked directly at her husband.
'Then she will scream,' the king raised his voice impatiently and stood up from behind his desk. His eyes not leaving his wife.
In het rood een dubbel aanhalingsteken veranderd in een enkele.
Je had hier geloof ik eerst "Stories told me...", wat overigens gewoon een correcte uitdrukking is. Je kan het terugplaatsen, hoeft niet. Maar doe je dit wel dan moet het "Stories have told me..." worden.
"As" toegevoegd in het rood om te zorgen dat de zin klopt.
Voor het mooie kun je er "His eyes not leaving his wife's" van maken, maar again, dit hoeft niet.
'Scream like Lyanna did when they raped her?' His daughter fiercely spit back and she could taste the venom of her words. The King raised his hand and slammed his fist on the table. His eyes were wide and raging, looking down at his daughter. 'Enough!' The sound of his voice was like a heavy thunder that could easily keep her awake all night, 'How dare you speak to me like that!' The king walked up to his daughter and firmly grabbed her arm. It hurt, but the anger running in her blood numbed most of the pain. She looked back at her father. He had never did such a thing before. 'Begone and take the queen with you.' The king let go of his daughter and she turned her back to her father, facing the door. There was nothing more she could try. Kylis had insulted the king and it left Cersei in suprise. It was the very first time her daughter had spoken up with such attitude.
Kylis felt if she was a dragon, she would have spat fire this very moment. But she was a mere child, who had to obey her father and king's demands.
In het rood naar een hoofdletter veranderd.
In het rood een punt toegevoegd.
"Suprise" -> "Surprise"
"She was a mere child" voor het mooie "she was merely a child" van maken. Kan, moet niet.
Van de laatste zin twee zinnen gemaakt in het rood, plus een komma toegevoegd in de laatste zin, ook rood.
Als laatste doe je "King" soms met hoofdletter, soms met kleine letter. Houdt het bij één van de twee.
