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We put the world away, we get so disconnected.

xHappyHoran | 16 maart 2013

We are friends for life, hold that deep inside. Let this be a drive to survive. And just stand high and tall. Make sure you give your all. And if you ever fall, know that I'm right here. We'll always be together, don't you worry. I'll always be by your side, don't you worry. The circle will never end, just know that we'll meet again. And we'll always be together, forever always. I am here. Find me in the sky. Destine with the moon and night. Your heartbeat is disguised as my lullaby. Be happy, and know I'm watching you travel far and wide. Waiting for us to meet again. We'll always be together, don't you worry. I'll always be by your side, don't you worry. The circle will never end, just know that we'll meet again. And we'll always be together, forever, always. I am here. If you need me, yeah, I'm in the wind, look for me friend, I'm in the stars. When you need me, the heaven will send, a message within, straight to your heart. We'll always be together, don't you worry. I'll always be by your side, don't you worry. Never worry 'bout a thing, no, no, no, no, no. The circle will never end, just know that we'll meet again. And we'll always be together, forever, always. I am here.



Nov 19 | I wonder about you, quiet girl.

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9 Creaties van LlAM

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  • xHappyHoran

    8:15 am
    I sighed for the one hundred millionth time. Why am I such a fool? It was like I tried to beat the person in the mirror. The person in the mirror, you, looked shocked when it happened. And now that person faded away. He disappeared. He's all gone. Because the mirror, our relationship, is broken. There's no mirror left to see the person in the mirror. Only the stuck pieces on the ground. I could pick them up and try to fix it with glue, but the tear lines would always stay visable. But if it's the only way to see the person in the mirror again, then I would do it. I only have no idea what would be my glue. I could buy a complete new mirror, kinda like a new start, but it would never be like the old one. And the person on the other side of the mirror, me, racked his hand. His mirror and parts of him were broken. He hates himself now. He already did before but now even more. And yeah, someone who breaks a mirror has seven years bad luck, ain't it? Well, that's what I deserve. Why am I comparing with a mirror? Why am I actually talking to myself... in my mind? Or am I talking out loud? I didn't know the difference anymore. "I'm a hazard to myself," I mumbled. I had to calm me down somehow, before this was going wrong again. I closed my eyes and thought about the moments our lips touched. The peaceful silent. Everytime we touched each other without any tension. On one hand it made me quite upset, but on the other hand it calmed me down. Tears streamed down my face but it didn't withhold me from thinking about it. Softly I started to sing kissin' u. It was true. That was how I felt when kissing you. The question was if I ever would be able to do it again. I went sitting straight when I heard the elevator coming down. What now, I thought. The elevator opened and Lindsey stood in it. "Niall, how long are you gonna stay here yet?" she asked careful. I looked up, not knowing what to answer. "I don't know," my husky voice answered.
    "You need to eat something, or sleep. You can't wait here forever. And Liam needs that too."
    I shook my head. "I don't feel like eating something, or sleeping."
    Lindsey sighed. She opened her mouth to say something but I interrupted her.
    "Maybe you can bring me something, but I won't promise I'll eat it."
    She nodded and went back upstairs. I sighed again and tore a piece from the papers which were lying near me. 'I miss you' I wrote on it. I stared with tearful eyes at it, and one of my tears fell on the paper and leaved a wet mark. Lindsey came back with some bread and some juice. "Here," she said, and walked away. "Thank you," I said polite. I watched the paper with the tear on it. Quick I wrote 'see overleaf' on it, and turned the paper. 'I will only eat when you eat too' I wrote with graceful letters. I went lying on my belly and looked through the slit of the door. I saw the contours of your buttocks. I looked at the bread Lindsey brought me. Till my big surprise, she brought a knife too. I grabbed the knife and cut some slices of bread. I turned the bottle cap off and filled the cap with a bit juice. I lay the bread and the cap by the paper and tried to shove it through the slit. It was close (het scheelde niets xd), or it didn't fit through it. I lay my head against the door and waited if you would eat it. If not, then I wouldn't eat either.

    1 decennium geleden
  • xHappyHoran

    I'm in love with the song troublemaker! Dat kwam random, sorry. XD
    Ben bezig aan jaundice btw.

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  • xHappyHoran

    Hahaha, aw, poor thing! <3
    Perfect, haha ;)
    Heb je het een beetje naar je zin daar?

    xxx

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  • xHappyHoran

    I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, (H)

    1 decennium geleden
  • xHappyHoran

    Yesterday eve. (sorry, ik was te moe om het gisteren te doen, dus stuurde ik je alleen maar een korte tekst van een liedje en een bewerkte foto. Ik was echt bekaf, weet niet waarom :P)
    I was done talking my mouth of. I had been talking for two hours now and I could go through, but I just knew that it doesn´t make sense. I said what was on my mind, and I was more talking to myself than to anybody else. You probably didn´t listen, so why was I talking? To make it myself even harder? So I picked a paper and wrote something on it. One I crumbled and the other I sticked on it with a paperclip. I grabbed a lipstick and painted my mouth pink, to subsequently make a mouth track on it. Thereafter I picked a rose and made a picture of it, to send it to you. I licked the lipstick from my mouth and sighed.

    2:15 am
    I decided to get some sleep. I went lying on the cold, hard floor and closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep, because nightmares started to haunt me. It weren't really what you call nightmares. It were more visions, or parts out of a horror movie. The first dream I had, the door of your room finally opened, with a creepy cracking sound. Within movies called 'tracking shot', my eyes got a view over the room. First I only saw the empte bed, and then I saw legs on the floor. My view went progressively to your face, where I saw that your neck was cut open and all dark red blood kept streaming out. Your arm lay near your head, your eyes were closed, like you were sleeping. A loud, high noise as they use in horror movies echoed through my head. And my dream ended with a scream. A frightened, haunted, desperate scream, which I knew was mine when I scared awake and I heard myself screaming inextricably and impossible to ignore. I breath a bit heavy to order of the shock. I swallowed and realised it was just a dream. I thought I heard you saying something, but my scream or my breathing lowered the tone. Perhaps it wasn't even meant to me. I lay my head against the door and closed my eyes again, hoping that this time I'd get a tolerant dream. In my second dream me nor you were sleeping, eating or doing anything else than sitting against the door and waiting. Day after day passed by. And after one week, I was starved and exhausted, but I still didn't give up. I kept waiting and waiting. I didn't even mind. I held my hands against my weewee because I had to pee, and after a few minutes I felt that I was leaking because after one week, I couldn't hold it anymore. The well-known laugh of a mean kid echoed through my head. The voice became lower within time, and formed a man's voice. It was the voice of a classmate on primary school. My first day on school I peed in my trouser, and an older kid laughed at me so loud, that I never forgot it. The ashamed I felt then, I felt now too. The laughing became words: "See Niall. Now you get what you deserve! A broken heart and a tired, starven body!" Again the laugh of the kid sounded through my head. "And now he's dead! He's all dead!" Again the laughter. "He isn't dead!" I yelled, knowing that in real life I said it too, because I couldn't control my talking in my sleep. The point of view changed and now I could see you sitting. A thin, starven body. The skeleton was visable. Big puffiness underneath your eyes. But there was no blood color in your cheeks. There was only a pale, dead body. Starven, because of me. The same sound as the scream in my previous dream, echoed again through my head, now screaming: "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" Again I woke up with sweat scattered all around my body. My hands lay on my weewee, and indeed, I peed in my trousers. Again I had to come back on breath. I swallowed. "Liam..." I said softly. "I don't know if you're awake or if you'll listen, but.." I silented for a while and I hoped for a reaction which I didn't get. "Please, you need to eat and drink too. And.." I swallowed again. "Pee. So, please do me a favour. Do that then. If you don't wanna see me then just tell me to go away, but please.." Tears came out of my eye corners. "Don't let yourself starve in there..." I didn't get a reaction, but my intuition told me that you certainly heard it. I sighed. For the third time in a row I tried to fall asleep. This time my point of view was all over you. You were torning all the pictures of me and burned them untill ashes. I felt stitches in my chest. The last picture you kissed and you said to it: "Burn in hell, my friend." You stabbed it a few times with a knife and everytime you did I suffered from pain, like it was voodoo. You burned this picture. Then suddenly Morgane stood in the room. "Come with me, Liam. Here it's so much nicer than with Niall on earth," she said. Behind her were all flames. She had an evil grin on her face, telling me that it was never ever better there. That she only wanted him to suffer. "Here is so much Louis," she said, and faces of Louis all appeared around her. You walked to one and kissed him soft and tender. Then slowly she pulled you with powers into the flames. I saw how your entire body burned slowly, while you kept kissing Louis, not noticing anything. Your skin first turned red like this and then slowly blackened. "That was... magical," you said and it felt like I was burning now. Sinking in a sea of flames. "Liam," I cried, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. You broke literally into pieces, like you were an object wasted and crushed in flames.
    "What does it matter," I heard Harry's voice saying. "We have each other now."
    "No," I cried loud. "I only want Liam! Don't you understand that?! Li-am!"
    "Is that so?" Harry asked. "Well, then I don't have any reason to be here." He grabbed a stake and pushed it right through his heart. I scared awake again. All my clothes were wet from the sweat. I jumped straight and started to knock on the door like a madman. "Liam, open it, I can't take it any longer!" I breathed heavy and kept knocking. Tears were streaming down my face. "Please, answer me!" I knocked a few more times and then I realised how desperate I actually sounded. It was not my intention, but my dreams actually drove me crazy. I let myself sink again against the door and sweeped the tears from my face. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled. "It was not my intention to wake you or whatever, I just... I can't sleep without knowing you're alright. I can't see how you're doing. I don't even know whether you hate me now or not... I just... I feel lost. Everytime I try to sleep I get a nightmare where you..." I swallowed. "I don't know, but I have the feeling that if I keep sitting here I'm neglecting you. Don't get me wrong, I want to give you some time to be on your own, but... I think I'm afraid you walk away or... Right now your breathing or your mumbling is my only comfort. I don't know where I'm afraid of. I just know that if I leave now to give you some time I just... I'll get even more desperate. If you told me to leave then I would. I don't wanna be the one who's screwing your life. Who's holding you against with your ambition. I'd rather have that you tell me now that you love somebody else above me then that you feel forced to be with me forever. I just want you to be happy, you see. Of course it would hurt me, but.. If I have to see you in sadness it would hurt me more. It's not that I don't wanna fight for you, but... I have the feeling I can only tear you down. And I don't want that. I love you, I- I just don't know what to say or do. I'm a fool and I know that. Feel free to call me however you want. Everything, I... I don't care. You have all the right for it. I just want you to know that... nobody ever will come in your place. It's all or it's nothing. So it's you or.. nobody. If you would tell me to stay out of the neighborhood of any living person then... then I would do that. I'd do anything for you. Always. I don't wanna see you in tears. I don't wanna see you hurt. I'd give anything to see you happy. Even if it would cost my life, then... I would. I know how weak these words sound to you but.. I mean it. You wanted me to fight and right now that's one of the many things I'm focussing on in life. Because if I wouldn't then.. I'd broke down already for hundred times maybe since that I sit here. Because right now I feel so weak and so stupid. I know that I hurted you and that's whats tearing me apart right now. The dearest I want to turn back time and make sure it never happened, but... I can't. I know I said it before but what I did was one of the most awful things I've ever did. Like the song, 'I hurted myself by hurting you', it's... it's true. Kissing you is one of my biggest desires. And only you. Because you give the twinkles in my eyes a meaning. Others can't do that. It's like... I'm a machine and you're the socket. And without you I can't move or work anyway. And my plug only fits in you. When our lips touch I can feel the electricity overflowing from you to me and back again. Then I feel my blood rushing through my veins and right now... I feel like my blood isn't streaming at all. I feel empty and lonely even though you're sitting on the other side of the wall. I don't hear my heart beating anymore. I know it does but I'm used to the loud sound of it. The one that tells me I truly love you. Don't be afraid, I still know I love you. I really do. I feel a bit like a little boy walking through a huge school building, searching for his best friend. But he can't find him and every step he takes the bullyers come closer. The ones whom like to knock him down. Who want him to suffer. And his friend is the only one who can make them shut up and go away. And of course that little boy is running away from them, but he's getting slower within time and he knows that he'll fall one day or lose his energy, but he'll keep running. Hoping that he'll find his friend in time. There are teachers in the building but he wants to fight on his own. He finds it weak to get help. And he doesn't wanna leave his friend alone. He's somewhere in the building, he knows that. And maybe one day he'll find the courage to fight the bullyers on his own. So he won't give up. Never. Perhaps you know what I'm talking about, but.. I'm sorry, I'm speaking my mind again. I don't know why I do, I guess it's just a desperate action. Because I feel lonely. Maybe it's good that you silent, because if you'd speak then perhaps I wouldn't tell this, but, I just want to hear your voice so badly. Maybe you're sleeping. Maybe that's the reason you don't talk. Secretly I hope you are because that means you can find more rest than me. And that's good. You need sleep." I sighed because again I reminded me it didn't make sense to talk to a wall. But then I heard you saying something. "What?" I asked, a bit confused but relieved at the same time.
    POV: Niall.

    You send me a Liam POV back when you have time? ;) Hoeft niet zo lang als dit hoor, don't worry XD xx

    1 decennium geleden

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