Wanna see what it looks like to have your panic disorder rapidly catch up to your autistic, righteous anger?
You hear their voice. You decide, fuck it, I’m not going to let this slide, I’m dealing with it. You get up, open your door with purpose and address them as they’re coming down the stairs. But uh-oh! This is an Unsafe Person. As you start to explain what happened and how hurtful that was, your voice starts to wobble and the next thing you know you’re violently crying mid-confrontation, wiping your tears with inhuman speed as if the other person won’t notice them that way, and when they’ve then eventually apologised (what else is there really to do in front of a crying person) and they ask if you want a hug (questionmark, they’re clearly very uncomfortable with this situation), you say, in a high pitched voice that’s warping with barely restrained panic and hyperventilation: “nO”.
And you turn to hide in your room… thats right next to you, meaning that you’re closing the door with them watching, to then in that relative privacy where they’re probs still staring at your door in utter wth, you really start to cry again and hyperventilating and hating every decision you ever made that led you here🙃
Three words, large enough to tip the world. I remember you.