• CYNICAL'S LAYOUT SHOP
    ρяσƒιℓєѕ × ¢нαяα¢тєя ƒιℓєѕ × ѕтσяιєѕ


    COME BY!


    COME BUY!




    Oh, hallo daar!
    Welkom in mijn layout shop!


    Het is alweer een tijdje terug sinds ik laatst zo'n soort topic heb beheerd, maar aangezien ik de laatste tijd belachelijk veel layouts heb gecreëerd, leek het me een poging waard. Ik maak layouts voor profielen, roleplay personages en stories. Vraag gerust aan, maar lees wel eerst de gebruiksaanwijzingen!
    MINIMALISM      IS      DEAD!!
    LONG LIVE TACKY EXTRAVAGANCE!!

    WAT IK NODIG HEB VAN JOU:
    Nu zijn mijn layouts gratis, maar ik heb wel een richting nodig om te weten waar je naar op zoek bent. Het invullen van het onderstaande kan me daar hopelijk mee helpen.

    STORY LAYOUTS
    Vul het lijstje onder de spoiler in en comment dat.
    x      Wat is de titel van je verhaal, en moet die erop?
    x      Welk genre is je verhaal?
    x      Wat is de flaptekst die je erop wilt?
    x      Als je flaptekst kort en out of context is, waar gaat je verhaal over? (Zodat ik dit mogelijk kan verwerken in de sfeer)
    x      Is er nog overige tekst die erop moet? (Quotes, waarschuwingen, etc.)
    x      Wat voor sfeer wil je graag?
    x      Zijn er plaatjes die er persé op moeten? (Zoals bijvoorbeeld een cover)
    x      Zo niet, wat voor plaatjes zou je graag willen?
    x      Hoe extravagant moet de layout zijn? (Simpel, gemiddeld, of extreem?)


    CHARACTER FILE LAYOUTS
    Vul het lijstje onder de spoiler in en comment dat. (Also ik houd van je)
    x      Geef me het lijstje dat je gemaakt hebt met alle tekst erin. (Naam, leeftijd, persoonlijkheid, etc.) Ik kan dit niet voor je schrijven, ik kan het alleen ordenen.
    x      Heb je een faceclaim? Zo ja, wie? (Als je alleen een paar plaatjes hebt zonder naam, kun je deze ook bijvoegen)
    x      Wat zijn quotes die ik bij zou kunnen voegen? (Als je niks specifieks hebt, kun je me een algemene richting geven)
    x      Wat voor kleurenschema wil je?
    x      Wat voor sfeer/aesthetic moet ik gebruiken?
    x      Zijn er specifieke plaatjes die erin moeten?
    x      Hoe extravagant moet de layout zijn? (Simpel, gemiddeld, of extreem?) (Hoe langer je file, hoe extravaganter ik de layout kan maken)


    PROFILE LAYOUTS
    Vul het lijstje onder de spoiler in en comment dat.
    x      Wat zijn een aantal thema's die je graag op je profiel zou hebben?
    x      Wat is tekst die je er graag op zou hebben? (Zoals bijv. een introductie of quotes)
    x      Zijn er specifieke plaatjes die je erop zou willen hebben?
    x      Zo nee, wat voor sfeer wil je graag?
    x      Hoe extravagant moet de layout zijn? (Simpel, gemiddeld, of extreem?) (Hoe meer tekst ik heb, hoe extravaganter ik je profiel kan maken)

    LONG LIVE BAD TASTE!!



    VOORBEELDEN VAN MIJN LAYOUTS:
    [Onder de spoiler.]

    STORY LAYOUTS
    Deze layouts passen over het algemeen beter in stories zelf (vanwege de breedte die daar anders is dan op het forum), dus hier is een link naar mijn story layouts: Klik.


    CHARACTER FILE LAYOUTS
    EDIT: Honestly just look at the latest files posted here. There's so many. Pls skip the first pages they're so cringe

    [face=times]PROFILE LAYOUTS

    Mijn huidige profiel


    CYNICISM
    people are motivated purely by self-interest


    Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry.
    All that blood was never once beautiful, it was just red.


    🐞      there is more information provided regarding this user underneath the spoiler to keep the lay-out intact.      🦷

    hello there, it's your friendly neighborhood mentally ill writer who doesn't publish any writing.
    my name is cynical, i am 18, and i have stuck to this site like a fly to a spider's web for quite a while now. i'm mostly keeping my sticky legs attached to it because making pretty lay-outs makes me happy, and because a lot of my old (deactivated) writing is preserved on here and i enjoy to self reflect.
    some of my interests contain horror, hannibal, death note, psychology, and forensic science.
    if you message me i may or may not respond. i can't guarantee much of anything.

    anyway, my two semi-active friends on here are: kriss & ana, and the rest died with the rest of the site. (if you happen to be one of them, you may seek contact with me at any time, i won't think it's weird. i'm interested to see where you are in life now.) (oh also bug is my partner and i love them very much okay that's it bye)


    and no, i don't type nederlands
















    WACHTLIJST:
    [MOMENTEEL GESLOTEN]

    1.      Naam x Pagina van de aanvraag x Profiel/Story/Character file
    2.      Naam x Pagina van de aanvraag x Profiel/Story/Character file
    3.      Naam x Pagina van de aanvraag x Profiel/Story/Character file
    4.      Naam x Pagina van de aanvraag x Profiel/Story/Character file
    5.      Naam x Pagina van de aanvraag x Profiel/Story/Character file
    6.      Naam x Pagina van de aanvraag x Profiel/Story/Character file











    NOTE:
    Qreaties verandert constant de specifieke desktop verhoudingen, dus gaan mijn layouts na een tijdje altijd schots en scheef staan. Niet alle lettertypes die ik gebruik staan op ieders computer, en ook die kunnen er dus saai uitzien zonder dat ik hier enig idee van heb. Ik ben te lui om oude dingen te fixen die in dit topic staan, maar ooit paste alle tekst met de plaatjes zonder lelijk te zijn, I swear



    Ik moet ooit echt deze beginpost vervangen want dit is zo oud (': En deze naam die ik ooit had is ook niet echt.... Wat ik nu zou willen hahahaha verdomme

    [ bericht aangepast op 29 sep 2025 - 22:30 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."




    Dominique

    ———— 18 years old He/Him Observer ————



    I'm not sure any of this holds beauty
    but it sure is exciting


    name:
    Dominique means "of the Lord"
    Noirot is a fancy old noble name
    Jameson means Son of James; Supplanter
    Dominique Noirot-Jameson is, as his name implies, both fucking rich (being distantly of noble blood) AND the son of an American immigrant who was one of the soldiers freeing France at the end of WW2. Dominique doesn't mind nicknames - the weirder, the more he'll probably appreciate you. Unless you're Zach. Zach can die. Fuck Zach's stupid nicknames. They're not even original.



    age:

    18 years old
    October 31
    Scorpio
    Dominique is... Sort of mature? He's smart, sure, and I guess at times wise, but... I don't know, I can't say. He's weird is what he is. Hard to stick a mental maturity level to him. One moment he's wise as a priest, the next he acts like a child. Which of the two (if either) is more of an act is hard to say. He's a fluid person with a less fluid body - meaning he looks his age though he only fickly acts it.

    [ bericht aangepast op 2 sep 2024 - 0:08 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

    I was hearin' the good Lord prophesy
    I was hearin' the devil harmonize




                Esaïe
    Raphael Berthier
    •             •             •             •             •
    name * *
    Esaïe      *      salvation of the lord
    Raphael      *      healed by God
    Berthier      *      from the occupational name "berthier," which means "a quartermaster" or "a keeper of granaries."
    As you may havee noticed, Esaïe comes from a Christian family. He is baptised, but doesn't have different names; his baptismal name is his 'normal' name as well. He gets called by his first name: Esaïe, some people say Sai or Es, very original i know.

    age * *
    december 20th      *      23      *      sagittarius
    Esaïe acts and looks like his age, the only thing that makes him appear younger is that he is pretty naïve. He is shielded from the world by his parents and only recently got out of that cage.


    gender & sexuality * *
    Esaïe is a boyy. He is a very very closeted gay. Not only out of homophobia, he just really doesn't know that you can be gay. Oh it isn't normal to want to kiss your homies? So when he does feel attraction to someone, ahum Jean-Ettienne, he just thinks Jean is the choosen-one or something.
    nationality * *
    ---
    ]       *       *      *       *

    ]       *       *      *       *

    //posting here because of our roleplayyy

    [ bericht aangepast op 30 juli 2025 - 22:10 ]


    het is Schoonheid zelf op zichzelf eeuwig eenvormig met zichzelf [Plato, Symposium, 211b]





    Mariano
    ────────────
    SAILOR | PROPHET | TRICKSTER | LOVER
    28 years of age, male


    I remember now. I've been here before.
    We've all been here before!


    Name:
    Mariano is only ever known by his first name. He does not receive any nickname, alias, pseudonym, or other title. He never tells Isaías his last name and instead dismisses him whenever he asks, explaining it's not all that important while they are stranded on a tropical island - which Isaías finds deeply frustrating.
    'Because I don't want to tell you my last name,' Mariano said, painfully simply.
    My eyes lingered on his collarbone, which followed the slump of his shoulder. 'Why not? Have you anything to hide?' I asked. Sharp impatience bled into the question.
    'Nothing that would have me hanged on the mainland.'
    'Then why remain a stranger?'
    'A stranger?' Mariano echoed, his brows curving into confusion, 'What of a first name is impersonal? It's the last names you reserve for they you dislike. Enemies, rivals, servants; these are the ones you call after their bloodline. But I wish to be friends.'

    Age:

    Mariano says to be 28 years of age. Isaías is of the opinion that Mariano has a very boyish way of carrying himself, mostly in his chaotic unpredictability and his nigh arrogant lack of cynicism.


    Gender:
    Mariano is a cis man. I couldn't squeeze "sexuality" in the title, but Mariano is particularly flirtatious towards people of any gender, though he himself is most attracted to men. According to Isaías, everyone is likely to be attracted to Mariano, but this is only because he himself isn't willing to accept that his own reaction to him isn't normal. Nonetheless, he has a point that Mariano is charismatically enigmatic and also a manwhore who has deeply romantic tension with everyone ever.

    I can't have you                                   
    but I want you!     




    put me under in a wine dark grave



    Personality:
    Positive traits:
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    Negative traits:
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    🕱      Trait
    Text here



    sorry kriss ik ga ook verder met étienne i promise

    w.i.p.

    [ bericht aangepast op 8 juli 2025 - 20:00 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."


    --{ Peter-- -Robinson }     


    ECLIPSE

    Chaos ensues. The sun extinguishes, and the darkness of the abyss gapes like a hungry mouth. "Now," Man thinks, "The dark in me must feed."



    CAUTION!
    This file contains mentions of cannibalism, pedophilia, brainwashing, psychological torture, and abuse.


    (None of which this character is personally responsible for)


    name:
    LEGAL NAME:

    PERSONAL NAME:

    CODE NAME:




    Eva
    ???
    Peter
    Robinson
    Eclipse




    Life (from Havah; Chaim)
    ???
    Reference to Peter Pan
    Reference to Robin Hood
    Word name
    Peter has very many names he goes by. Robin, Eva, Peter, Eclipse - none of them are not his. He has no disdain for his legal name (the part he still remembers, anyway), even if it does not align with his current gender presentation anymore. He stopped introducing himself with it around age 19, swapping to Robin when around new people, and Peter Robinson around his band, and then around 21 he began using just Peter, feeling more confident in a masculine sense of identity. "Eclipse" is a name he coined around 14, when meeting Celsius, for communication over radios and walkie-talkies. It's since stuck and mostly used within the band. Some of the military is also familiar with it, because Eclipse is a terrorist who is deeply annoying and keeps blowing shit up and leaving behind messages for specific officers.

    His former captor/caretaker used to call him "Havah/Chavah", the Hebrew variant of Eva, because he had a strange fixation on all things Biblical due to grandiose delusion and a god complex or something. An alias he'd use when introducing her to others would be "Mary", not because her real name had any value, but simply because he was too crazy and obsessive to share it with other people.


    age:


    Peter's story stretches out anywhere between age 14 and 25 or so. He stops counting the years around age 18 and has no fucking clue how old he is exactly thereafter - viva la vida I guess.

    He does know he is a Gemini, and his specific birthday (aka, mine), because his captor used to obsessively keep track of the time even out in the wilderness.
    Peter has escaped him since 17 though and doesn't give a damn about the passage of time himself.



    "I shoot better."


    gender & sexuality:

    Eclipse will explain that as a child, she was a girl (born one, raised one) - but as an adult, he is a man. He is a trans man, but doesn't really speak of his male identity as something that always was, but rather, something he grew into with age, as he doesn't live in current days where language about being trans is widespread and only acceptedly spoken of when you say you always hated being your assigned gender at birth. Due to the inability to medically transition in the midst of the wilderness, him using male pronouns and names initially greatly confuses people. When he gets more confident in his masculinity, around about twenty four or so, people do start to genuinely assume he was assigned male at birth, simply because his presentation has shifted somewhat and he has the nonchalant attitude to convince people. Before that, people look rather weirdly when a girl introduces herself as "Peter Robinson", so he usually shortens it to more gender neutral "Robin" when talking to strangers.
    He's attracted to men and women alike, but has a preference for masculinity and masculine archetypes. Most of the women he's attracted to are butch women, or raised in matriarchies outside the Zones. He does flirt with just about anyone, regardless of attraction, but only really falls in love with men.

    The wild isn't exactly violent,



    role:

    Eclipse is a wildling and vigilante who lives outside of the Zones. He's a bandit who leads a little group of outlaws that primarily targets military raiders who terrorize peaceful communities outside the Zones. Eclipse is their Captain; or so he calls himself, anyway, as it's not so much a hierarchal affair, and rather, a band of anarchists (even if Eclipse, due to his extensive knowledge of the wild and his cunning, does usually call the shots). Eclipse calls the group "The Dirt Eaters" or "Us Dirt Eaters", but officially they don't have any name - let go anything threatening. Before becoming a proper bandit, Eclipse was a lone hunter, and therebefore he was held captive by a war criminal on the run - and therebefore a scavenger.

    ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ✖

    it's just
          .wild.

    I can burn down forests or I can lay low
    But I'm always on fire, always on fire

    I can save your life, I'll warm you with my blood, sparks flying off, right off



    personality:

    "Brave — possibly suicidal. Never
    minds his business, self-righteous pest."

    POSITIVE TRAITS:
          Cunning     
          Charismatic     
          Funny     
          Self-aware     
          Passionate     
          Creative     
          Brave     
    NEGATIVE TRAITS:
          Cynical     
          Reckless     
          Easily bored     
          Easily distracted     
          Violent     
          Cocky     
          Obsessive     


    What, I'm supposed to feel bad about shooting a
    fascist in the face?

                      ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ✖

    To enemies, Eclipse is a wild card. To allies, also, Eclipse is a wild card - but not nearly as impulsive as he outwardly seems. He has little care for what happens to him and his own life if it's in the grander scheme of justice, and he has a very self-sacrificial tendency that borders on martyrdom and self-destruction more than it's him actually taking necessary risks - but he is not impulsive. On the contrary; Eclipse is strategic. He's cunning. He is cold and calculating under the surface, just very good at pretending to be chaotic and all over the place. Among friends Eclipse is, without a doubt, disorganized and flaky, and I'm not saying he isn't chaotic; just that he isn't half as much an idiot as he often pretends to be for the sake of making his opponent underestimate him. He never seems to take anything seriously, always needs to have the last word, talks too much when you don't want him to and not enough whenever you'd actually like him to communicate. He's easily bored and just as quickly distracted; few things ever seeming to catch his interest. He has a nonchalant attitude in the face of danger yet is terribly candid when among friends. We are looking at the recklessly cunning archetype that borders on cliché for a young hero. He is smart, observant, analytical; his mind is always racing and overthinking. He's constantly strategizing. Simultaneously, he is terribly chaotic and never actually has his shit together. He can be extremely unpredictable.
    He is cheeky and flirtatious, often speaking in double entendres that are meant to throw people off a little. He is good at saying a lot that reveals next to nothing - by which I don't mean that his phrases are empty. I mean to say that he's good at drawing attention to unrelated subjects while keeping anything that actually matters to himself. This can make it hard to know what's actually going in inside his head. He's often times further ahead of things than it seems, and when he reveals this, it's always in very sudden and direct confrontations that come out of seemingly nowhere. It's only done strategically about half of the time, but does successfully throw most people off.
    In regular conversation, even with friends, Eclipse is often charismatic and talkative (though he can be quietly brooding also, when tired or distressed). He is always walking the line with what is okay to say and what is too much. He's always slightly flirty, slightly confrontational - openly psychoanalyzing people the moment he can get away with it while also not giving away very much of himself. He's both very straightforward and very evasive. When angry, or even just slightly annoyed or worried, he has a tendency to start preaching in a callous and calculated way that most people do not appreciate or like. This does not mean he stops, because he also knows he's often in the right - even if he knows it's not actually going to give him what he wants (which is a change in behavior). When he's angry, the only weapon he dares rely on is his tongue, as it usually does get him what he wants, when he isn't angry, simply because he is good at reasoning things (I am avoiding the term "manipulative" as he is not particularly Machiavellian in nature, which said term implies). He is sharp and often notices things other do not. He is cunning and learns quickly from his own mistakes. He obsesses over them and improvement to a degree it's not entirely healthy. In general, Eclipse tends to obsess. He either gives something his all or nothing.
    He is inventive and creative. He is good at coming up with plans and strategies, but also stories, songs, and poems. He is a very curious person who likes to learn just about everything, even if it's dangerous. He despises failure, and is deeply wounded by embarrassment, but simultaneously is cocky enough to storm into things headfirst anyway. If he realizes that he can learn something along the way, he's not scared off by learning things in practice rather than only in his head. If he deems something important (like correcting injustice), he especially can be reckless. He'll always have a plan, but that doesn't generally mean that half of what actually happens isn't just pure improvisation. He thinks quickly on his feet and usually manages to do just fine with this tactic, but it does land him in a lot of trouble generally that he then needs to get out of again (which he'll do, but it nonetheless was usually avoidable had he been just a tad more careful at first). He's not afraid to use violence if he needs to. He has grown up to see the word through a very cynical lense, and cruel people are easier to gauge for him than people that are not cruel. He can clock bad intentions from a mile away, even if they are relatively concealed. He's very on alert at all times, and often gets confused when people with power are actually nice. He tends to be more confused around those than people he knows are bad. He has phases in his life where he therefore spends more time with people that he hates than with people he likes, simply because they make more sense to him. Many kind people he can't help but believe are naive, even if he really doesn't want to view anyone in that way, finding it patronizing - but he does. It throws him off when people are both smart and honest, so he gets uncomfortable being around them for too long, leaving him avoidant within relationships that are good for him. A lot of deliberate interaction is herefore picking fights with people he hates and knows are objectively terrible. It's where he feels most like himself.

    Down in the forest with           
                the devil in me,

    I remember the looks on their faces through the sycamore trees           



    appearance:
                      Faceclaims are stupid <3 (i generated one bc i couldnt find one)

    Eclipse is a scrawny brunet always dressed in army green. They are about 5'6" ft, have a slight build, and big coal black eyes that contrast sharply with their usually pale skin (even if it tans a bit whenever he travels through warmer climates). He has dark circles around his eyes that give a somewhat ghostly look to him. His features are quite traditionally feminine, with a small nose and pouty lips (I cannot describe this differently I am So Sorry), but the brooding look in his eyes makes up for it. His hair is messy and somewhat wavy and reaches his collarbones. He is usually dressed in several layers, consisting out of an army green coat, cargo pants, combat boots, several shirts to keep warm, a white singlet, and a rosary. Often has several animal pelts hanging from his belt from age 18 and onward and feathers in his hair.


          Ain't no chariots of fire,
    come to take me home           

                            I'm lost in the woods and I wander alone





    The worst flaw to have was to be boring. Yet the most effective technique of inspiring recklessness in somebody was to bore them. The sheer nothingness of that aching familiarity came with something akin to an itch that makes you accidentally scratch your skin open. Dullness and unfocused staring. You barely notice there’s blood at first. It’s all white noise, barely there - you listen to the sound of the scratching, only half fascinated, dig in your nails to chase a faint sensation - and then comes that ever annoyed “Ah, fuck!” once your fingers are coated in something sticky.
    You never really learn.
    You’re like a sizzling spark that can’t sit still. The forest fire is still in the forest in the end.

    "I suppose I enjoy being predictably unpredictable."


    past:


          Eclipse is a child born a hundred years after the world first ended by disease. The original pandemic has been aggressively combatted with bombing and left the majority of the world in ruin. The most violent of mutations, which resulted in rabid and dangerous behavior (zombies basically lol), have died out about two generations ago - and what that leaves is a brittle, warbound society. Most people in North, Central, and East Eurasia live inside the Zones, former Quarantine Zones, that have since turned into military dictatorships full of corruption, made to believe that there is no people outside the walls aside from scavengers and raiders; meanwhile, most actual raiders that exist are military troupes. Some Zones are allied up together, others are at war. A lot of land in Central Eurasia, former Russia, is completely unsafe to tread due to radiation left from atomic bombs that the USA dropped there before invading. Not all places are controlled with iron grip, though. There are wild communities and nomads who made the forests their own, people who forgot about most of technology and went back to neolithic styles of living - and then in South-Western Europe, around the Meditteranaean especially, the walls are closer to patrolled borders, where people can travel in and out as pleased, even if there's an ongoing civil war there due to the continued discrimination against specific groups of people and the alliance with the Central Zones that furthers discrimination and engagement in human rights violations.

    Originally, Eclipse was born in Marseille, France, which is under fascist rule by the early twenty second century. Eva was the child of two resistance fighters, and lived in Marseille until she was six years old. Then, for political reasons, her parents had to flee - and while fleeing, her mother caught a non-exterminated variant of the deadly disease that still has no cure and thus runs rampant, and then died. After two years of scavenging amongst the ruins, Eva got separated from her father in an incident and was abducted by a group of sadistic cannibals with the intention of raping and then eating her. Before she got murdered (but not before any damage), the group fell victim to a bigger predator: David Jankauskas, banished ex-general from the Central Zones turned cannibal bandit, who led his Zone through one of the most recent wars at that point in time and was sent away due to the extensive torture he himself oversaw on prisoners of war. He killed all of the group, safe Eva, to take their supplies, and ate some of their flesh. Upon discovering the eight-year-old girl, he decided to take her with him, because he "was bored". In truth, he knew that he could probably still find her father (as this was a man he'd met days before finding the group) and simply decided to kidnap her instead, making it less noble than it might otherwise seem.
    Within a few weeks, he went from being a meanly hostile captor trying to scare her to a father figure to her. With this, he soon began grooming her. He'd isolate her to make sure no other adults could influence her or be there as a support system, trying to avoid larger communities of people while wandering all throughout Europe. I could go into heavy detail about what sort of abuse she faced, but the truth is that David was both her captor and her father alike, and that she still has very complex feelings about him. On some days, he would teach her how to hunt and read her bedtime stories. Others, he'd drug her to induce psychosis and tell her she'd landed in Hell. Then on others, he'd signal to his friends to kidnap and torture her in various ways so he could rescue her so she would trust only him. He went through extensive methods to fuck with her, just because he could, because he knew no one could stop him; just to see what would happen. It left Eva cynical and confused, very conflicted and ashamed of just how deeply loyal she was to him on the rare occasion that others pointed out that their relationship was concerning (especially due to the sexual abuse that also took place; abuse that Eva didn't even realize was abuse until much later).

    At the age of 13, David had to hide in one of the Zones to avoid military detection. So, he snuck himself and Eva into one of the Central Zones (St. Petersburg) to temporarily live there. Here, Eva came into contact with others her age for the very first time in years. Her neighbor was a girl born one year before her, Christine le Blanc, descendant of French immigrants. Due to both being French, and both being teenage girls with an interest in storytelling, the two grew very close very quickly. They spoke through walkietalkies late at night and exchanged coded messages for the fun of it. Eva didn't go to school, unlike Christine, but they spent most of the additional time together, whether it be at distance or closeby. They gave each other code names based on the literature Christine read (Eva reading plenty also, sharing reading as a hobby with David, but not having had as much time to do this when in the wild, unlike Christine). Christine and her school friendgroup had a running game of make believe wherein they were part of a secret organization, and Eva badly wanted to be part of it to feel she belonged somewhere. She never even met most of Christine's friends. When she started acquainting with one of them, Liana Vetrova, daughter of a military family who wanted herself to become a soldier, David got alarmed (afraid that this potential friendship would result in needless rebellion) and took Eva out of the Zone as quickly as he could. Eva first tried to run away then so she could go back to her friends. This was not successful. By this time, she was fifteen.

    So, they continued traveling. This is already getting way too long, and I really don't feel like detailing the rest of what leads to this just yet, so I'll just put it as suit: by the time Eva is 17, she discovers that David has been abusing her. More specifically, she realizes he has been lying to her, which at that point in time, is much worse to her. She realizes a lot of the ways he's tricked her before and allowed other people to strategically hurt her to fuck with her head. Furious, she brews up a plan to escape. By this point in time, she is an excellent hunter and knows the forest well.
    She convinces David to stay in St. Petersburg again, as the security is lowest there, and she wants to go to the same stores and the like again. So, they do. Then, she packs up her things, befriends a young soldier who agrees to sneak her out of the Zone (having snuck in for the distractions that the city provides, not with the intention of living there - she just needed the supplies and alliances she couldn't get in David's own territory, which is any forest he settled in). She barters for a car. Then, she escapes David by pouring boiling oil over his face when he's asleep and running.

    Eva then lived in the wild on her own. David tracked her for two more years and left behind letters and the like in places he thought she was likely to look. However, he never quite managed to catch her, and at some point vanished completely from her life. She hunted. She took out some of her anger on rapists and slavers. She befriended people from wild communities. She met Liana Vetrova again, now a rogue soldier living in the wilderness after her own series of unfortunate events, and traveled with her for a while. She met up with Christine again. Eva soon began going by just Robin, part of her code name, Peter Robinson, and then eventually fully became Peter, taking on the identity of a man. He now lives in the forest, sometimes alone, sometimes not. He is sometimes a bandit, sometimes not. Sometimes a terrorist, sometimes not. Usually just a nomadic hunter.






    ΟΥΤΙΣ
    { My name is Nobody, Nobody, Nobody }



    Anatomy in

    TAROT
    No fun having a world where the wilderness has reclaimed the Earth without some superstition and folk magic. I am here to serve proper anarchism and connection to the land we live on through spirituality. Hence, tarot.

    GENERAL CARDS:
    These cards best describe Peter in terms of personality and story arc.
    The Knight of Wands: Determined, unpredictable, adventurous, courageous, passionate
    I | The Magician: The mastermind; creation, focus, problem-solving, ambition
    XVI | The Tower: Chaos, sudden change, destruction, removal of old structures
    The Knight of Swords: Assertive, arrogant, quick-witted, cunning, headstrong

    Peter is an embodiment of the knight in both the suit of wands and swords, in the sense that he is passionate, reckless, quick-witted, and fun loving. This goes paired with a comfort in chaos, and a strong desire to tear down all things injust or ineffective. He'll strategically plot the downfall of an empire. He methodically creates chaos.

    HIGHER SELF:
    These cards are Peter in his most ideal form and his greatest strengths.
    The King of Wands: Charismatic, passionate, cunning, flirtatious, good leader
    XI | Justice: Righteousness, equality, fairness, truth
    The Queen of Swords: Observant, critical, independent, strategic

    When not overcome with insecurity or hesitance, Peter is charismatic, a good leader, cunning, and just. He has a level of understanding of the psyche that has everything to do with emotions, but is not at all emotional; it's the ability to read others. Peter, in his own way, can be quite wise (believe it or not), and is not afraid to back down from a necessary fight. In said fight, he is strategic and ruthless - if so required. Outside, he is passionate, creative, and flirtatious.

    DOWNFALL:
    These cards best describe Peter's fatal flaws and struggles.
    The Page of Swords: Paranoid, distrusting, restless, wait-and-see approach, curious
    The King of Swords: Intellectual, obsessive, control freak, rational, uncomfortable with emotions
    IX | The Hermit: Isolation, solitude, introspection, retreat
    XII | The Hanged Man: Sacrifice; the misunderstood

    These are not traits that Peter lacks. Rather, they are traits he has in over abundance that end up harming him. He is too self-sacrificial. He is too comfortable in solitude and too obsessive with introspection and it makes him insanely closed off - and herefore prone to being misunderstood. He is not particularly connected to his own emotions. Usually, he gets so up in his head that he is all distrust and restlessness, completely neglecting his emotional well-being, and ends up feeling dissatisfied without understanding why. He obsessively picks apart his flaws and mistakes, but doesn't stand still to process the (often disproportionate levels of) shame and guilt attached to them.




    Φωσφόρος




    weapons:



    BOW AND ARROW
    hungarian recurve bow - skill 9/10

    Peter's very best weapon is his hunting bow. He uses it every day.
    The only reason as to why he doesn't always take it with him for a
    fight is because it's less useful up close in direct combat, and also
    because it's more to carry around than a handgun or spear.



    SPEAR     
    handmade, stone spearpoint - skill 7.5/10     

    Mostly used to threaten people, less for actual hunting,     
    as Peter prefers his handbow. Still, he uses his spear a lot.     







    HANDGUNS
    ruger blackhawk & kimber super match ii - skill 8.5/10

    Anything Peter can aim with is beloved (even if he doesn't like killing much). Handguns he finds harder to use than his bow, but he still always has one on him. He's careful not to use it to spare his ammunition. Enjoys the sound guns make.

    ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ✖
















    KNIVES
    pocket knife & hunting knife - skill 5.5/10

    Not for combat, unless when stuck in an emergency. Purely for preparing food and as tool for creating other things.

                additional:
    HUNTING RIFLE     
    medved hunting rifle - skill 8.7/10     

    Though Peter does not have those on hand usually, he has one of them in one of his regular hideout spots. It's old, but still works.      






    ASSAULT RIFLE
    AK-47 - skill 8.9/10

    Most commonly used rifle by soldiers and thus easy to obtain. Peter has had enough practice with these to know how they work. Doesn't have one on him, though, because it's not practical.

    HANDGRENADE     
    any he can find - skill 6.5/10     

    Likes how they explode.     



    There's a method in my madness


    "David thinks of everyone as a chess piece. He, quietly brooding and scheming, keeping himself out of all action, is of course, king. (Always pulling strings)

    I was never on his team. He could not control me. I was neither pawn nor rook; I am a wild card - something else entirely. On my own accord, I am no coward like he. I am not afraid of the heat. I am a knight."
    - On strategy in war     



    'You did that just because their
    leader had one eye, didn't you?'


    'Oh, come on. Admit it.
    It was funny.'


    'We were robbed. Small man - maybe a woman, but they spoke like a man. Sounded young. Could even be a teenager,' Jacob rattled.
    The old hunter listened intently, his eyes too cold for Jacob to understand. So, Jacob continued. 'They disabled our guns and took most of our supplies. One moment we were drinking together, and the kid was telling jokes, the next we woke up with nothin'. Disappeared like smoke.'
    'They drugged you?'
    'Must have, yeah,' Jacob said unsurely, 'Dunno what he used, but my head still hurts like Hell. He was very friendly at first. Boss captured him and his men, but he bargained for freedom with that wine of his. Talked to us for hours.'
    'Well, it's not exactly wise to take a drink from strangers that want to escape you.'
    Jacob felt a wave of irritation well up, so he quickly waved his hand. 'Yeah, yeah, whatever. Whatever. Help us or get lost, old man.'
    There was a very small, irritating smile that tugged at the hunter's lips. 'Alright. If you say so. Did the bandit give you a name?'
    Jacob sighed. 'Dunno. Was something native. Niculul, or sum'thing.'
    'That's not a name used here in Romania.'
    'Well, I don't know!' Jacob snapped in frustration, 'It probably wasn't his real name, anyway!'
    The snort that the hunter let out didn't help Jacob feel any better. It was like this man didn't even care about his predicament!
    'Niculul,' the stranger mused. He wasn't even hiding that he was laughing at Jacob for butchering the pronunciation.
    Then, suddenly, the hunter's expression changed; some form of realization trickled in, his brows twisting. 'Nici Unul.'
    'Yeah, that could be it, I guess,' Jacob said, feeling rather insecure.
    The man licked his bottom lip. 'Nobody,' he said finally - apparently the hunter knew the English translation of the ridiculous name. His tan face then suddenly grinned, and he looked at Jacob in a way that made him feel like he was missing out on some kind of joke.
    After a while, the man then finally said: 'Your bandit knows the Odyssey.'
    - David Jankauskas realizing he's on the right trail while tracking Peter down
    (after Peter robbed the crew of a one-eyed raider in a specific way to reference Odysseus' escape from the cyclops)                                                           


    his crew:

    'I can't wait to introduce you to my men! Us Dirt Eaters love company. We live in the wild and we dance by the fire.'
    ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ✖



    CELSIUS | "Anne Green" | Christine le Blanc | She/Her
    Her home is in St. Petersburg Central Zone under USA rule (her house is referred to as "Point 1"). Co-founder of the Dirt Eaters. Celsius befriended Eclipse when they were 14 and 13 respectively, and though Celsius does not roam the wilderness, she is still the one who came up with many of the group codes. Eclipse's first friend. If you hold her hostage he is bound to pay the ransom.

    ROGUE | "Scout" | Liana Vetrova | She/Her
    Originates from St. Petersburg Central Zone under USA rule, now roams the wilderness. Home base varies from Point 7 to Point 12. Rogue soldier that's left her base. Childhood friend of Celsius primarily, though Eclipse has traveled with her too. Loves using guns and explosives.

    CROWFOOT | Hedwig Schwarz | They/She
    Originates from a wild farm in Germany, now roams the wilderness. Home base is wherever Eclipse lives. Fickle and not the most trustworthy, but likes Eclipse and thus lingers around. Ran away from an abusive home to be with him. Will probably backstab him and get a redemption arc later.

    NEURON | "Jane Air" | Brontë Martin | She/Her
    Her home is in Moscow Central Zone under USA rule. Does not have a strong place of belonging, currently stays in the wilderness. Not really a part of the group, but has been adopted for now by Eclipse. Was hospitalized in the Zone's abusive mental hospitals for most of her life to protect her wealthy family's reputation from the stain that was her mental illness (this being very stigmatized). Sent outside the walls after the doctors decided she was no longer worth saving.


    ...etcetera
    I am still making them up

    'You're just like Robin Hood, with the
    bow, and the green jacket, and the
    stealing... Right? Don't you think?'




    find each other


    ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ╍ ✖


    extra:

          Eclipse loves reading. It's one of his (unfortunately many) shared hobbies with David. Their favorites also overlap a lot. Eclipse reads anything he can get his hands on.
          Eclipse's favorite book is The Odyssey.
          He will rob someone just for a snack - and by that I mean candy bars. Eclipse has a sweet tooth.
          Strangely against actually killing people. He'll shoot your kneecap but not your head.
          Unless if it's a slaver, rapist, or murderer. Then he'll skin you alive (literally).
          Likes to befriend wild animals unfit for hunting.
          Has a CD collection of just bad 2000s pop songs that he likes to play on car radios whenever he has one available. His crew finds him EXTREMELY annoying for this but that won't stop him. (This is the Gen Z equivalent of listening to 80s music during the apocalypse and honestly I find it funnier even)

    { exit scene }


    "Ga je nu serieus gewoon je vorige layouts niet afmaken en fonts gebruiken die de meeste mensen helemaal niet hebben waardoor alleen jij kan zien hoe dit eruit hoort te zien" Ja

    Also nee de wapens die in de plaatjes staan zijn niet dezelfde als degenen die hij heeft I KNOW THISSSS maar degenen die hij heeft passen niet mooi in de layout oké


    Per usual, here I'll credit whichever quote isn't mine (most are):

    'Death twitches my ear.
    "Live," he says, "I am coming."'
    - Virgil (very surprising, I know, with the credits in the image itself)

    "I shoot better."
    - technically mine, but a reference to Hannie Schaft's supposed last words during her execution

    "It's winter. You ask me about love
    and I tell you about
    violence.

    I'm sorry.

    I thought that's what love was."
    - I sincerely cannot find who wrote this. Google tries to convince me it's a section of the poem "October" by Louise Gluck, but I can't find which section it's supposed to be.

    "Down in the forest with the devil in me,
    I remember the looks on their faces through the sycamore trees
    Ain't no chariots of fire, come to take me home
    I'm lost in the woods and I wander alone"
    - Lyrics from the song Hellfire by Barns Courtney

    "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
    How about a nice game of chess?"
    - No clue lol

    "O partigiano porta mi via
    Che mi sento di morir

    E se io muoio da partigiano
    O bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao ciao ciao
    E se io muoio da partigiano
    Tu mi devi seppellir"
    - Lyrics from Italian folk song Bella Ciao

    Outis + My name is Nobody
    - The Odyssey (and maaayyybe I also nicked the repetition from EPIC: The Musical's song Polyphemus)

    "THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED"
    - Apparently it's from a song but I got it from Pinterest

    "find each other"
    - Nicked from a Pinterest image of graffiti

    [ bericht aangepast op 22 dec 2024 - 20:13 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

    Je keek me aan, iets te lang. Voelde jij het ook?
    Ik heb het nooit gevraagd.




                Basile
    Javier - Emile
    •             •             •             •             •
    naam * *
    Basile      *      want het heeft twink vibes, komt die associatie door Dorian Gray? Maybe, idc
    Achternaam      *      moet nog komen
    De naam van Javier verander ik, na vier jaar aah, dus ik twijfel nog over de voornaam. Basile heeft op dit moment mijn voorkeur, maar Emile is ook leuk. Als zijn bijnaam Bas zou worden, zou dat jammer zijn, dus Basile zou dat niet leuk vinden, liever Sil, maar ik ben bang dat Bas toch natuurlijker voelt.

    leeftijd * *
    4 augustus      *      24      *      sagittarius
    Basile stapt net de volwassenwereld in. Dat is erg spannend, zo voelt hij dat ook. Hij heeft niet het gevoel dat hij klaar is om het echte leven aan te gaan.

    gender & seksualiteit * *
    Basile is een queer boyy: hij is gay of biseksueel. Keuzes keuzes. Hij heeft hier geen moeite mee, al zou hij zijn gevoelens daardoor wel minder snel uitten: hij is bang dat andere mensen hier wel wat tegen hebben.


    persoonlijkheid * *
                type mbti: infj
    positieve eigenschappen
    * ambitieus
    * vriendelijk
    * behoedzaam
    * creatief
    * zelfstandig
    * empathisch
    * charismatisch
                      negatieve eigenschappen
                      * onzeker
                      * perfectionistisch
                      * nerveus
                      * chaotisch?
                      * schuw
                      * koppig
                      * naïef
    Basile is makkelijk in de omgang: hij is geïnteresseerd, spreekt volwassen en kan zich wel goed redden in een gesprek. Hij kan zelfs charmant en charismatisch overkomen. Dit komt bij hem niet van nature; hier heeft hij hard voor moeten werken, vroeger was hij namelijk vooral schuw en bang voor mensen. Nu zie je die trekjes vooral terug als je naar zijn schilderijen kijkt (de wereld waarin hij zijn ziel blootlegt) en wanneer het gesprek over hem en over zijn kunnen gaat, dan begint hij ineens erg nerveus te doen.
    Hij heeft nooit het gevoel dat hij iets goed kan, dat werkt erg tegen in een wereld waarin je jezelf moet verkopen en je je al volwassene en professional moet gedragen. Hij heeft dan ook moeite met het vinden van die balans: wanneer spreek je je onzekerheden uit en wanneer moet je 'fake it till you make it' volhouden. Hij wil dingen ook graag heel goed doen, waardoor het dagelijkse leven best een uitdaging kan zijn.
    De stress die hij dan ervaart kan ook best heel intens zijn, zo intens dat hij er ook wel eens aan denkt om zijn grote ambities los te laten.
    Hij is wel erg creatief, al zou hij dat van zichzelf dus niet snel zeggen; helemaal als hij creatief moet zijn slaat hij dicht. Basile doet graag zijn eigen ding, terwijl hij dus wel zijn nerveuse kant heeft, houdt hij die goed onder controle en heeft hij in het dagelijks leven alles in de hand. Hij doet dingen graag op zijn eigen manier. Hij is niet per sé chaotisch dat zijn huis altijd een rommel is, maar hij heeft vaak precies genoeg om rond te komen: brood, wijn en verfspullen. Prioriteiten. Hij is slecht in aan zichzelf denken, maar hij geeft enorm veel om zijn vrienden. Hij kan makkelijk in zijn eigen wereld verdwijnen. Hij heeft dan ook geen moeite met alleen zijn, maar samen met anderen zijn vind hij wel erg leuk, en is ook het beste voor hem.
    Een naïeveling, hij weet het zelf ook. Hij verwacht niet snel dat mensen op het slechte uit zijn, dat komt mede om zijn empathie naar iedereen: het is toch logisch dat je niet gemeen doet..? Hij begint nu langzaam te leren om minder naïef te zijn. Hij houdt zich erg vast aan alles wat veilig is.
    Ik ben zo moe, ik wil niet meer. Maar kort: ja Basile is nerveus, maar laat dat in zijn dagelijks leven weinig zien. Hij is juist heel sociaal en heeft goede vrienden om zich heen.

    ,,Je zou niet liegen toch?”
    ,,Enkel verzwijgen.” Hij knipoogt en ik geef hem een zwakke trap concluderend dat hij een grap maakt. Ik had je serieuzer moeten nemen.


    ,,Misschien betekent het niets?"

    ,,Zo voelt het niet." Nee

    Het leek een onbesproken overeenkomst,
    we wisten het beide. toch?

    achtergrond * *
    Goed laten we wel eerlijk blijven, Basile heeft geen tragisch verleden. Hij is opgegroeid als enig kind in een groot mooi huis in Frankrijk. Zijn ouders verdienden ruim voldoende, maar het meeste geld vandaan kwam, waren van de erfenissen. Zijn ouders kwamen beide uit welvarende gezinnen en beide erfden een mooi zakcentje, en niet alleen dat, maar ook verschillende woningen.
    // herschrijving Javier

    [ bericht aangepast op 6 jan 2025 - 16:39 ]


    het is Schoonheid zelf op zichzelf eeuwig eenvormig met zichzelf [Plato, Symposium, 211b]






    storm
    Trystan Morrigen

    The Bastard Lord of Crow's Nest


    text
    w.i.p.
    jep ik heb game of thrones oc's het is zover

    [ bericht aangepast op 6 jan 2025 - 16:36 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."




    CHERRY
    桃宮 知春







    NAME

    Text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text

    w.i.p. ik ga zometeen door maar moet nu wat eten of ik ga dood

    [ bericht aangepast op 5 juli 2025 - 14:07 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

    Okay, idk of dit on topic is of niet, but I need help. Waarom gaan AL mijn columncodes nou precies niet doen wat ik wil? Ik stel me zo voor, ik tik een columncode in en verdeel mijn tekst in twee kolommen. Beide kolommen worden even breed. Maar neuhh, de linker tikt misschien vijf centimeter aan, en de rechter pakt een dikke twintig. Master, what am I doing wrong?

    Ter illustratie, dit is de visie:

    Okay, idk of dit on topic is of niet, but I need help. Waarom gaan AL mijn columncodes nou precies niet doen wat ik wil? Ik stel me zo voor, ik tik een columncode in en verdeel mijn tekst in twee kolommen. Beide kolommen worden even breed. Maar neuhh, de linker tikt misschien vijf centimeter aan, en de rechter pakt een dikke twintig. Master, what am I doing wrong?
    Okay, idk of dit on topic is of niet, but I need help. Waarom gaan AL mijn columncodes nou precies niet doen wat ik wil? Ik stel me zo voor, ik tik een columncode in en verdeel mijn tekst in twee kolommen. Beide kolommen worden even breed. Maar neuhh, de linker tikt misschien vijf centimeter aan, en de rechter pakt een dikke twintig. Master, what am I doing wrong?

    Ter illustratie, dit is de uitwerking:
    Boodschappenlijst:
    - Ik wil graag
    - Codes die doen wat
    - ik van ze vraag, want dit is erug frustrerend en gewoon oneerlijk yo
    How-To
    Stap 1. Vraag een ervaren Q-er die meer verstand heeft van codes dan jij om hulp. Mogelijk brengt dat een oplossing.
    Stap 2. Kegel je laptop uit je raam.


    Three words, large enough to tip the world. I remember you.

    ProngsPotter schreef:
    Okay, idk of dit on topic is of niet, but I need help. Waarom gaan AL mijn columncodes nou precies niet doen wat ik wil? Ik stel me zo voor, ik tik een columncode in en verdeel mijn tekst in twee kolommen. Beide kolommen worden even breed. Maar neuhh, de linker tikt misschien vijf centimeter aan, en de rechter pakt een dikke twintig. Master, what am I doing wrong?

    Ter illustratie, dit is de visie:
    Okay, idk of dit on topic is of niet, but I need help. Waarom gaan AL mijn columncodes nou precies niet doen wat ik wil? Ik stel me zo voor, ik tik een columncode in en verdeel mijn tekst in twee kolommen. Beide kolommen worden even breed. Maar neuhh, de linker tikt misschien vijf centimeter aan, en de rechter pakt een dikke twintig. Master, what am I doing wrong?
    Okay, idk of dit on topic is of niet, but I need help. Waarom gaan AL mijn columncodes nou precies niet doen wat ik wil? Ik stel me zo voor, ik tik een columncode in en verdeel mijn tekst in twee kolommen. Beide kolommen worden even breed. Maar neuhh, de linker tikt misschien vijf centimeter aan, en de rechter pakt een dikke twintig. Master, what am I doing wrong?

    Ter illustratie, dit is de uitwerking:
    Boodschappenlijst:
    - Ik wil graag
    - Codes die doen wat
    - ik van ze vraag, want dit is erug frustrerend en gewoon oneerlijk yo
    How-To
    Stap 1. Vraag een ervaren Q-er die meer verstand heeft van codes dan jij om hulp. Mogelijk brengt dat een oplossing.
    Stap 2. Kegel je laptop uit je raam.


    Ugh dit ken ik - doen columns bij mij vrees ik ook ): Voor zover ik ontdekt heb is er weinig echte oplossing zonder je tekst zelf wat te herschrijven behalve gewoon kunstmatig enters te zetten in de column die zoveel ruimte opneemt om gewoon te forceren dat het er even uitziet. Dat gaat dus zo:
    Boodschappenlijst:
    - Ik wil graag
    - Codes die doen wat
    - ik van ze vraag, want dit is erug frustrerend en gewoon oneerlijk yo

    How-To
    Stap 1. Vraag een ervaren Q-er die meer verstand heeft van
    codes dan jij om hulp. Mogelijk brengt dat een oplossing.
    Stap 2. Kegel je laptop uit je raam.

    Wanneer je ongeveer even lange zinnen aan beide kanten hebt, doen de columns dit vanzelf, dus meer aan de kortere kant bullshitten werkt ook. Wanneer de langere column twee keer wordt gebruikt doet ie namelijk gewoon netjes hoe 't hoort, zie hier:
    Titel
    Tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst

    Titel
    Tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst

    Het gaat hier dus voornamelijk om dat de langste regels van iedere column evenveel zijn, dan pakt het de bedoelde layout wel (:
    Ik hoop dat dit helpt!


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

    inktzwart schreef:
    (...)

    Ugh dit ken ik - doen columns bij mij vrees ik ook ): Voor zover ik ontdekt heb is er weinig echte oplossing zonder je tekst zelf wat te herschrijven behalve gewoon kunstmatig enters te zetten in de column die zoveel ruimte opneemt om gewoon te forceren dat het er even uitziet. Dat gaat dus zo:
    Boodschappenlijst:
    - Ik wil graag
    - Codes die doen wat
    - ik van ze vraag, want dit is erug frustrerend en gewoon oneerlijk yo

    How-To
    Stap 1. Vraag een ervaren Q-er die meer verstand heeft van
    codes dan jij om hulp. Mogelijk brengt dat een oplossing.
    Stap 2. Kegel je laptop uit je raam.

    Wanneer je ongeveer even lange zinnen aan beide kanten hebt, doen de columns dit vanzelf, dus meer aan de kortere kant bullshitten werkt ook. Wanneer de langere column twee keer wordt gebruikt doet ie namelijk gewoon netjes hoe 't hoort, zie hier:
    Titel
    Tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst

    Titel
    Tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst tekst

    Het gaat hier dus voornamelijk om dat de langste regels van iedere column evenveel zijn, dan pakt het de bedoelde layout wel (:
    Ik hoop dat dit helpt!


    Hahaha okay goed om te weten dat het in ieder geval niet komt door een domme fout aan mijn kant, lol. Merci voor het meedenken, random enters it is hahaha (heart2)


    Three words, large enough to tip the world. I remember you.



    Wolfskin; Eclipse;                  ███_█████     



    Peter_

    __Robinson


    I love and I love and I hate and I love.
    Matters the difference? They're both fire in my flesh!


    ...and their bones were tombless as their flesh;           
                the meagre by the meagre were devour'd,




    (not a character file, just trying something out lol. it was gonna be a rewrite of his file but i don't have the energy for that)

    [ bericht aangepast op 5 mei 2025 - 20:19 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

    I'm making the guy I had intensive nightmares and hallucinations about while in psychosis & turning him into the Beast from Beauty And The Beast because. Well. Who am I to shun any source of inspiration no matter how destructive to the course of my life (you can rip Parchment & Old London as fonts from my cold dead hands I refuse to replace it with other options. DOWNLOAD THEM)



                      my
    Adam

                                                    You got a taste for blood
                                        when licking your
                      own wounds



    In the depths of my loneliness waits a man that is
    barely a man. He is hungry and unkind. Half a god,
    half corpse; primal and brutal. And oh, I hate him,
    I hate him, I hate him.



    name:
          ?Adam? Leibbrand
    Though Adam's full name is long kept hidden to the narrator, this figure eventually reveals himself to be of the family Leibbrand, cursed heir of the castle he forever haunts still. It's entirely possible he has his middle names and additional titles, but the narrator never comes to know of them. Adam means "from the red earth", and Leibbrand, his family name, means "sword of the people". From the size of his estate (as well as the snippets of rich, though bloody, history Adam at times shares), his family must have been very powerful back in time, before he lost centuries to his curse, before all of them died. Whatever power they may have held in the past is now long gone.

                            _I love you, I love you, I love you
    age:

    It's unclear what Adam's age is, and he has too little a sense of time himself to be of much help in answering said question. He looks like a young man who can't be much past thirty if he ever reached thirty at all, nor does he act very old - though that says little, as he isn't entirely sound of mind either way. Time works strangely in his cursed castle. What must have been a hundred years to the outside world may have felt like little more than a few to Adam.


                                                                                        ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
    You are my wound. You're the flesh that got
                ripped away as well as the gash that therefore remains.

    My anger is all for you, because in a way you crippled me.           


    what is he?

    Adam is not of humankind - not anymore. What he used to be before he is no longer, if he was ever the man he seems to have been at all. There is a kind of repulsion called about when laying eyes upon him. Something in the human survival instinct does not want to look at him, there's something too terrible about his form, too grotesque - like he is something dangerous. Adam's eyes have an uncanny and disturbing quality to them, yet no one would be able to pinpoint what exactly about them is so off. It's a kind of evil that radiates from him and warns the viewer. He says not to always have been like this. He has now grown taller and bulkier than humans usually are (taller than he was once, as though an evil crept into his skin and filled him with brute strength), and the angrier he becomes, the less he looks like a person. He has pale, sunken eyes and corpse-like complexion. He looks in part primitive, like an ape, and simultaneously there is indescribable beauty even when he is most horrible. His wickedness becomes holiness. The terror he calls about is too extreme not to be enigmatic. He's part man, part corpse, part monkey. He has been cursed to live alone in a strange, forsaken castle, and he cannot die, but cannot join the living. The narrator finds him when stumbling, chasing phantoms, through a mirror turned portal, and is half sure that this is Hell, and that this man is the devil. It is a fair, likely truthful assumption, in some way. Adam appears much like a daemon. He has a terrible bloodlust and terrible delight in tormenting even those he loves the most, like love and hate are to him, strangely alike.

    Death is an engraving violence can't erase. Death is a riddle left behind that speaks of life — not the opposite of life, but its twin, the traces of life betrayed in spite of its eerie stillness. Death is the oldest form of story telling, the oldest poem, speaking of actions long gone, glory that already happened; violence that already happened.
    ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

          The predator and
          the
    prey instinct
          _are really the
    same instinct


    personality:
    text but idk what yet
    \
    /
    \
    /
    \
    /
    \
    /
    POSITIVE TRAITS:
          Cunning
          Vigilant
          Intense
          Dauntless
          Enigmatic
          Strategic
          Obsessive
    \
    /
    \
    /
    \
    /
    \
    /
    NEGATIVE TRAITS:
          Brooding
          Temparamental
          Ruthless
          Sadistic
          Erratic
          Savage
          Destructive

    quote






    w.i.p.

    no i will not search a legitimate male faceclaim for him. the men on pinterest aren't beautiful enough for him.

    [ bericht aangepast op 12 juli 2025 - 17:20 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."






    julian
    " Rather melodramatic,
    aren't you? "
               


    21 YEARS OLD | SUSPICIOUS EGOMANIAC

    What an ugly monster lived in that pretty skin. A hideousness
    lay beneath his mask of golden curls and childlike laughter.
    An angel, an angel, he seemed, and on the inside he was putrid.


    name:
    FIRST NAME:
    MIDDLE NAME:
    LAST NAME:


    Julian
    Tobias
    Linden


    Youthful
    God is good
    Lime tree
    A pretty simple name with little explanation required. Like to most people. Julian has no excessive interest in deciding on an opinion on his own name. It's just what he's called by other people. No analysis necessary. He is neither interested in strange nicknames nor does he reject those he receives (meaning they generally don't stick). Aside from "Jules" he's not called much other than just Julian.

    A n d      I ' l l      h o l d      y o u ,      m y      l o v e      ( b y      t h e      t h r o a t )

    age:
    DATE OF BIRTH:
    Virgo Sun

    31 August
    Gemini Rising

    21 years old
    Leo Moon
    Julian has a young face and childlike mannerisms behind closed doors, but wears a pretense of maturity that is held in place by his intelligence and ability to blend in among whatever crowd he's placed into — which in his case as of now is usually classist snobs. He's worn this pretense for a very long time towards authority figures, since he was a child, though not always successfully. He's gotten better at lying with age, and now most people do believe him. Which is a shame — because he actually has a very charming youthfulness to him and a sense of humor he doesn't show much out of insecurity.

    When you get excited you always begin to smile
    and it's usually when you lie


    gender & sexuality:
    Julian is bisexual. He is also a homophobe.
    Simultaneously, this homophobia is not internalized, because he's a hypocrite, and while he'll gleefully bully one homosexual in the most vile way imaginable, he'll make out with one he's actually attracted to a week later. On his own terms. If he's the one choosing it he can't be considered the bad parts of a homosexual — which is socially of course defined as a man who is too much like a woman. He's not too worried about any fantasies he has about boys, considering them normal. College boys have loose morality and like to experiment, and dominance is more important than the sex of the person you are dominant towards. Now, I fear I have to breach the topic of misogyny… In which Julian was raised and still bathes. He was born a boy and has no intention of changing this, and, in his general arrogance, is of the belief he's better than most people, especially girls, though he is no longer the type to say this literally (microaggressions are a privileged man's best friend). When this regards attraction… He can be dangerous. No more dangerous than most cis men with unpacked misogyny, sure, but I think at times this quiet part ought to be mentioned when analyzing the average man, most of which are perverts who see sexual assault as a common vice. Julian is usually most attracted to the type of woman who is naturally disinterested in him — the progressive woman. Preferably one who has already been cast out by society. There's an air of mystery about this kind of girl he finds much more arousing than the women he grew up with and has in his direct social life, whom he finds boring and mundane. Girls who are more socially disregarded, on the other hand, are still exciting, especially because he holds more power over them, and perceives this kind of dynamic as still playful and unconventional. He can be emotional and easier talk right predatory behavior within himself because he already doesn't quite see these women as people, because they are outsiders to his personal lived experience thus far, meaning he is allowed to stalk them, or intimidate them, or fantasize about assaulting them, which is a kind of freedom he feels he doesn't otherwise have. And this is a problem. That likely goes without saying. And yet it's so normalized that nobody will speak up about it until Astrid just starts tormenting him in his dreams and gives him forced conversion therapy about his misogyny lmao (in which Julian sees them appear as a guy and falls in love so mission unsuccessful in keeping him off their back but that's okay. I made him redeemable. Kind of). (This is ridiculously long lmao wtf)


    ❛ Oh, sweet girl,                                               
    I'm beginning           
          to see you now,


    I can't control this hunger! I seethe,
    not in anger, but in lust, and yet-

    it is not quite lust — it's almost like a disease!
    What are you doing to me, strange fiend of mine?


    personality:
          text here
    POSITIVE TRAITS:
          Bright
          Charismatic
          Cunning
          Funny
          Good actor
          Socially gifted
          Ambitious
    NEGATIVE TRAITS:
          Narcissistic
          Impulsive
          Insincere
          A bully
          Unpredictable
          A traitor
          A liar


    " I don't believe you there, Cas. I think you quite like me, if anything. "


    Julian is a brilliant, charismatic individual — but he is also not. Only people with a very romanticized view of him (which may include his peers) consider him to be this. Others, especially those who view him from underneath the soles of his feet as he tramples them, are aware of the fact that he is a typical, childishly immature bully with a penchant for meanness. A bit of a trouble maker, and perhaps mischievous, but generally in a way that is obnoxious and ragingly unfunny, abusive in nature, not loving. The serious mask he wears is flaccid. He's actually quite a loser with a childish mentality of selfish egotism. Less popular people outside of his direct social circle already know this, but within his own social circle he is mostly seen as sweet, gentle, charismatic, and a genius. He's perceived as ambitious and self-aware, with a true rationality and instinct to righteousness. He is good at debate. He's smarter than the others, and very polite when this is required of him. And yes, he is all those things, but also a boisterous and untrustworthy manipulator who is of the belief that he is naturally on top of the social hierarchy because he's just that special — and not because he was born as a cis white man with a ton of wealth and proper social skills. In a way he is very insecure, because he fully relies on validation of his peers, and is very sensitive to criticism (which will bring him to full on meltdowns in secret and might push him to a crazy revenge plot if you're not coddling him), which is why he becomes a cowardly bully the moment he feels threatened by you. He has constant "duels of wits" in his mind with people who are actually just his victims because he feels insecure around them (and often looks up to them). He is definitely not shy, but does care a lot about validation, and when he goes up to someone he admires, he assumes he'll be admired in return, and if he's not, he sees this as an act of cruelty and humiliation and will do everything he can to humble them back. If he looked down on them and they made him feel embarrassed, this is even worse, and he'll shoot straight into denying any of their strengths and straight up villify them to justify abusing them.
    Now that I explained his very worst traits, I fear I also have to say something nice, so I guess I will. Let's see. Julian is a talented young man with a good set of brains and wits, and he can truly be brilliant for his age when it regards social sciences. It's hard for him to loosen up around his peers, or sexually, which makes a lot of people see him as stuck up and prudish. Though, when he does loosen up, he has an enigmatic intensity and strong will of his own. He's a laid back goofball that does not seem naturally misogynistic or bigoted, as these are very much so learned and indoctrinated beliefs he has and severely impact his behavior at the start of the story, but when he begins to learn, he welcomes being empathetic and compassionate with open arms. He actually cares very deeply about the well being of those around him, he's a real social animal who loves tenderly and kindly. He's protective and openminded. He's gentle and sensitive, and very caring about what other people think of him because he really wants to belong with the group (thus his insecurities that drive him to being deeply unlikable, even narcissistic), making him prone to peer pressure and propaganda that targets these sorts of weaknesses. On top of that he is very ambitious and has always wanted to make people proud, and does not want to be merely average (because he never was average, growing up). He has a terrible fear of failure that's made him a cowardly control freak who takes out his insecurities on those weaker than him so he can hide how insecure he is himself. He wants greatness, or he wants to not exist at all, and has melodramatic breakdowns whenever he feels self-cringe and embarrassment. A sad little man, but difficult to have much pity for due to how he copes with his insecurities by bullying minorities and trying to sexually assault women he finds attractive (which are often the same people) lmfao. Fuck him but he's witty I guess and naively assumes everyone will like him which means that most people do. If they do not he will throw a fit. If he fears they might not he'll do everything in his power to lie to everyone to assure a position of power. Also, he lies a lot because he thinks it's funny, and because he's a pathological liar who feels he can make fun of people this way, and also because he wants to make people proud of him and does this through underhand means. I may have spent too much time analyzing his insecurities to properly discuss just how manipulative and sly he is, so here's that: he's very manipulative and sly and uses this to his advantage freely whenever he badly wants something. If you think of him as a somber young man he's lying to you. That's not real. That's not Julian. He is faking his identity to make you like him. He's sneaky and constantly concealing a smug grin of satisfaction at his success (and the success he believes will come to him in the future). And he'll cry if he doesn't get it like a spoiled child which is pretty funny. He'll have genuine disbelief about it too.
    He has an unfortunate impulsivity and pride that consistently gets in his own way and ruins his plans and manipulation. Arrogance is probably his biggest problem. It's a habit, to try to push a little further than he actually needs to, to test out boundaries, because he is spoiled and used to getting what he wants and always hopes to get just a tiny bit more than what he needs. An unnecessary sexual squeeze, a playful slap that's too hard, a rape joke, trying to have sex at a very inappropriate obviously unwanted moment — it's probably good that he feels no real connection with the women already in his life, because it's no doubt he'd sexually assault the love of his life and lose them forever if he was currently dating them. This is his biggest loser era and it's been all his life. One day he'll get a wake up call.
    quote here once I have thought of one though currently I'm not in the right mindset to write Julian I'm just fixing his layout

    appearance:

    text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text


    w.i.p.

    In the meantime I decided to rewrite Julian's file so here is a post so I can start doing that in more detail when I am more energized (beginnings are the most draining part of the process ALWAYS I feel like a guy who has to polish a diamond and somehow I only get one try. Heinously stressful there's so much pressure (from me)) (Also this is Julian in a complete rewrite of the story he originated from, meaning he's a different man in some areas and is looked at through less rose colored glasses overall)

    UPDATE: Ok I'll do the rest of the personality layout LATER I for once actually don't like doing the layout I just want to describe and insult him fucking Christ this is hard. I'll fix the quotes and images etc on there later

    [ bericht aangepast op 11 juli 2025 - 23:13 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."


    "It was strange.                                                                        
    Caspian was looking       at me                                    
    with his usual brooding            intensity,                                   


    astrid
                            but he was wearing the skin of a nervous young woman who did not seem to know my name."


    20 YEARS OLD | PROMETHEAN TELEPATH

    Whatever the boy was hiding, he wasn't hiding as well as he
    believed. His bitter melancholy hung like a shroud over
    something... alarming, beneath. Something dangerous.

    name:
    FIRST NAME:
    LAST NAME:
    ONEIRIC NAME:


    Astrid
    Woolf
    Caspian


    Beloved of the Gods
    Wolf
    From Qazvin; White
    Astrid is a very shy person who wishes to never hear her name said outside of her own personal circle, which has led to her somewhat resenting the sound of it — but it has little to do with the name itself, and moreso due to the fact she relates it to peer abuse and bullying.

    When entering the world of Oneiros, she appears not as her own body, but as a young man who is called Caspian. He finds this name to be a significant improvement to his physical one and by far prefers this alternative identity to the one he has in his body.


    age:
    DATE OF BIRTH:
    Gemini Sun

    9 June
    Capricorn Rising

    20 years old
    Scorpio Moon
    Astrid has the planets Uranus, Neptune, and Mars in her first house, which add to her rising sign and will likely be brought up in the story (or not — I love talking too much about occultism, and think it suits the themes in this story, but who knows, there might be no space for it). She's someone who usually comes off to people as both a frightened young animal, and wise beyond her years — meaning she's awkwardly stuck in the middle and feels she doesn't fit in with her peers either way.
    ugh i have to think of (or steal) another fakking quote i hate this
    gender & sexuality:

    Astrid was born female, but, as her story progresses, begins to shift her sense of identity towards something more inherently masculine. (His entire story is kind of just a trans allegory lol) In this file, I will be referring to Astrid in the physical world as female, and Caspian, which is his identity in the world of Oneiros, as male. Near the end of his story, Caspian considers himself to be a man even in the physical world and transitions. Nonetheless, him having been born female has shaped his worldview, and Astrid finds a lot of solace and safety in feminist theory that helps expand her feelings about gender as something shaped by society instead of being born, and being mostly a matter of gesture, social standing, and physical presentation (as well as being raised differently to learn to embody different traits). In terms of attraction, Astrid has little interest in dating and relationships, but is technically attracted to both men and women. She's been aware of her queer attraction to women much longer than she's ever been of attraction to men, and tends to be legitimately afraid of cis men due to the awareness they hold power over her (and has figured out the hard way that many are willing to use this to harm her). When a guy shows interest in her, she usually is completely oblivious to this — she may even assume he is making fun of her. It genuinely does not occur to her someone might be hitting on her.
    As Caspian, he struggles much less with accessing his desire and feels he is allowed more agency, and is thus more comfortably attracted to both men and women. He does mistake his attraction for a strange, murderous obsession and does not generally understand where it comes from, making him very confused with himself and often feels like he might be a bad person — which is more believable to him than to realize he might be attracted to assholes who keep him on his toes and thus mix rage with lust. He's very unfamiliar with lust as a feeling and hasn't experienced very much of it throughout his life due to his C-PTSD, usually having purely romantic endeavors (sometimes bordering on platonic) with people (normally women). Love is hard to understand as something physical, and so once he does feel it physically, he believes it must be something different from love.

    Anyway, long story short, he goes from seeing himself as an asexual lesbian (having extremely low sex drive and interest in physical intimacy, only understanding deep loving bonds without this, and also only experiencing them with women) to a reluctant but pretty obviously bisexual (pansexual) trans man.

    quote


    personality:
          text here
    POSITIVE TRAITS:
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
    NEGATIVE TRAITS:
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait
          Trait


    " Quote quote quote quote quote. Quote! "


    Text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text text



    + this edit with a temporary stupid title that I won't be able to use but Kriss might see it & I like it so. Why not



    w.i.p.
    (just putting these beginnings there as i finish him so i can easily move on to the other important characters in his story once i'm done/want to work on them instead, don't mind the spam)

    [ bericht aangepast op 9 aug 2025 - 14:09 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."







    jung
    "You're an angel,                 
    I'm a dog."     



    20 YEARS OLD | SPINELESS VOYEUR

    See here! A description I have yet to write that shall
    last for at least three executive sentences. How much longer
    can I bullshit until this is full? A while, it seems! Fuck this


    name:
    FAMILY NAME:
    PERSONAL NAME:
    ENGLISH NAME:


    Lau / 劉
    Jung / 容
    Jack


    Battle axe
    Appearance, form
    Supplanter
    Born in Hong Kong as a native Cantonese speaker, he has both a Cantonese name and an English name due to Westerners' inability to learn some of the most basic Chinese names in the world. Jung is usually called Jack. This is how he's known in class, his parttime job, and practically anywhere else in London — but his real name is Jung. He himself barely thinks about this name as his, preferring to hide behind identities of other people, or of ones he made up that deliberately disguise himself inside a persona. A real oddball, this one — his main important name he uses to communicate to Caspian is Ishmael.


    age:
    DATE OF BIRTH:
    Scorpio Sun

    1 November
    Aquarius Rising

    20 years old
    Cancer Moon
    In many ways, Jung is maturer than most. In a psychiatrist's office this is most certainly how he'd be described, and so why is it that all of his classmates would tell us he comes off as so much younger? He's not assertive, is why. In spite of his intelligence, he's extremely shy and rarely stands up for himself. Except for in Oneiros. That's different. Only to Astrid, though. Julian would scare him shitless.

    the enormity of my desire
    disgusts me



    gender & sexuality:
    Jung is pansexual, and although I could most certainly            group him more specifically into being something such as "demisexual and demi-panromantic", I prefer to explain in a lot of detail, for I have the time. Jung is asexual in the same way that a monk is asexual. This is to say, he absolutely experiences libido, and sexual attraction to somebody like, oh, I don't know, Astrid — but he is terrified of crossing moral boundaries, and this means he feels too shy to initiate anything, no matter how much interest he might actually have in another person. Intimacy is something that terrifies him, and I say this by no means to belittle him, but if he weren't so shy, he probably would not actually see himself as being asexual, and more comfortably as attracted to all genders (for the specific body someone comes in is not nearly as relevant as the person that sits within). He has low self-esteem and does not believe himself deserving of love, much less physical intimacy, and thus this often leads to experiencing a feeling of disgust with himself surrounding his own desire. Moving on to gender, Jung was assigned male at birth, and still mostly lives as a man, but considers himself more androgynous than is accepted of men. He likes to be perceived in a more feminine light (feeling it's in some way soothing, perhaps a little less revealing of what is inside). In part because he wants to be Astrid, and in part because he feels too weak to be a traditional man. He sees himself as innately without gender — sometimes without any identity at all. He completely absorbs Astrid's identity while watching her, and doesn't really know who he is without her. If it were up to him, Julian would disappear, Astrid would be the boy, and Jung would be Astrid. Or he and Astrid could be twins instead of lovers. Either way, he doesn't view himself as either male or female, and more or less waits in the inbetween. He feels like he's been rejected socially in either role and tries to hide himself in false versions of himself, sometimes a man (one more masculine than he knows he can be), sometimes a girl (one much more charismatic than he is capable of playing out — and for whom he lacks the body). It's mostly inside his head, all this. At times he shows glimpses of this state of mind to Astrid during their telepathic communication and their email conversations, but he never really dares to go out on a limb and physically adjust to this sense of androgyny. Is he a trans woman? I don't know — personally I think he is both male and female and would feel happiest being described this way. So, some form of nonbinary, perhaps a trans girl, but cis presenting and a long while from exiting the closet. Either way, Jung is far from cisgender, and will hopefully figure out their identity once waking from her adventures in Oneiros (though there's no way to be sure that she actually will).




    w.i.p.
    last one of my three main characters to have a post i can edit

    [ bericht aangepast op 9 aug 2025 - 15:08 ]


    "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."