Totally broken.....

They see you as a girl who loves her life.
They see you with a big smile.
They don't expect that you live an awful life.

Every time when you are down, you think "head up, fake smile and move on".
But that is not what you want.
You want someone who really cares about you.
You want someone who says" I am going to help you".
I am going to be there for you.

At the same time you think.
There is no need for that.
I don't need someone who wants to help me.
There is nothing wrong with me.
I am fine.

Every night you think of your past.
It is chasing you.
You became a cutter, but the only thing you want is it to stop.
You want to stop the cutting.
But then yet you see your past in front of you and the only thing what you want to feel is the razor on your bare skin.

You were being bullied when you were younger.
You were told that you are ugly.
That no one will ever like you.
That every time a guy would look at you, he would be disgusts by your looks.
That you are fat, that you have a deformed body.

They made you insecure.
They made you cry.
They made you think you were not allowed in this world.
They made you suffer.

Anger, sadness, hopeless,insecurity, pain, tears.
These are the feelings they gave you.
Anger; angry that you have to live this life.
Sadness; no one stands up for you, you have to deal with it alone.
Hopeless; people telling you that you really are hopeless.
Insecurity; the things that they would tell you to make yourself feel insecure.
Pain; the pain you would feel when they laughed at you.
Tears; tears of pain of your insecurity of your sadness and anger.

At the end you want to end your own life.
You don't see the future in you.
Even though they stop bullying you.
It still chases you.
You are afraid of everything.
You don't want to have a fight with someone.
You don't want to lose someone who means the most for you.

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