Creëer je eigen hilarische plot! - Stamcafé

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  • 16 feb 2016 - 17:55   SonOfGondor is offline
    SonOfGondor
    SonOfGondor 3476

    Ik kwam deze site tegen, op zoek naar... afleiding van mijn huiswerk. Het is een random plot generator en de resultaten zijn hilarisch. Dit is wat eruit kwam toen ik wat elementen uit The Hobbit invulde:

    Fili Oakenshield, the Dragon
    A Fantasy Novel
    by Arwen Oak

    In a cave there lived a short, silver dragon named Fili Oakenshield. Not a funny scary, epic cave, filled with cloak and a wet smell, nor yet an incredible, deserted, important cave with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a dragon-cave, and that means fear.

    One day, after a troubling visit from the orc Thorin Oakenshield, Fili leaves his cave and sets out in search of three magical map. A quest undertaken in the company of orcs, goblins and spiky dwarfs.

    In the search for the orc-guarded map, Fili Oakenshield surprises even himself with his bravery and skill as a smith.

    During his travels, Fili rescues a ring, an heirloom belonging to Thorin. But when Thorin refuses to try walking, their friendship is over.

    However, Thorin is wounded at the Battle of Five Armies and the two reconcile just before Fili engages in some serious walking.

    Fili accepts one of the three magical map and returns home to his cave a very wealthy dragon.


    Ik heb de fantasy-generator gebruikt, maar er zijn nog meer opties. Hier kun je jouw meesterwerk maken.

    [ bericht aangepast op 16 feb 2016 - 18:07 ]

    Rest in Peace, Son of Gondor

    16 feb 2016 - 18:07   SHlNee is offline
    SHlNee
    SHlNee 13011

    Tot zover inspiratie voor m'n fanfic :')

    Rita Skeeter, the Wizard

    In a classroom there lived a blonde, quiet wizard named Rita Skeeter. Not a violent tiny, fragile classroom, filled with feathers and an ugly smell, nor yet a ripped, happy, enchanted classroom with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a wizard-classroom, and that means comfort.

    One day, after a troubling visit from the witch Quirinus Quirell, Rita leaves her classroom and sets out in search of three carefree ink. A quest undertaken in the company of witches, wizards and wide muggles.

    In the search for the witch-guarded ink, Rita Skeeter surprises even herself with her intelligent and skill as a student.

    During her travels, Rita rescues a wand, an heirloom belonging to Quirinus. But when Quirinus refuses to try sitting, their friendship is over.

    However, Quirinus is wounded at the Battle of Hastings and the two reconcile just before Rita engages in some serious sitting.

    Rita accepts one of the three carefree ink and returns home to her classroom a very wealthy wizard.

    "A good book is always good, no matter how many times you've read it."

    16 feb 2016 - 18:09   SonOfGondor is offline
    SonOfGondor
    SonOfGondor 3476

    Inagua schreef:
    Tot zover inspiratie voor m'n fanfic :')

    Rita Skeeter, the Wizard

    In a classroom there lived a blonde, quiet wizard named Rita Skeeter. Not a violent tiny, fragile classroom, filled with feathers and an ugly smell, nor yet a ripped, happy, enchanted classroom with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a wizard-classroom, and that means comfort.

    One day, after a troubling visit from the witch Quirinus Quirell, Rita leaves her classroom and sets out in search of three carefree ink. A quest undertaken in the company of witches, wizards and wide muggles.

    In the search for the witch-guarded ink, Rita Skeeter surprises even herself with her intelligent and skill as a student.

    During her travels, Rita rescues a wand, an heirloom belonging to Quirinus. But when Quirinus refuses to try sitting, their friendship is over.

    However, Quirinus is wounded at the Battle of Hastings and the two reconcile just before Rita engages in some serious sitting.

    Rita accepts one of the three carefree ink and returns home to her classroom a very wealthy wizard.


    Goh, nooit geweten dat die fic hier over gaat. Die Rita Skeeter klinkt hartstikke aardig! :'P

    Rest in Peace, Son of Gondor

    16 feb 2016 - 18:12   Faelain is offline
    Faelain
    Faelain 3242

    Haha

    Gertruda Vanackere is a remarkable and virtuous orphan raised by a cold-blooded and callous wolf. Eventually he gets a job working as a scout for the incredible Lord Falafel of Falafel Hut. The unlikely couple rapidly succumb to a sizzling passion.

    On the day of their wedding, a predatory monk escapes from the attic of Falafel Hut and starts a fire. Believing that Lord Falafel is dead, Gertruda flees from the church and wanders the sunny moors for days until he is rescued by a daring homemaker.

    However, although Lord Falafel is blinded by the fire, he still breathes. Without Gertruda he becomes tight-fisted and arrogant. He turns to alcohol for comfort. The ghost of the monk from the attic haunts him.

    Meanwhile, thinking Lord Falafel is dead, Gertruda accepts a marriage proposal from his saviour, the homemaker. However, one night he believes he can hear Lord Falafel calling, "Gertruda, where are you? Gertruda come home!" and he returns to Falafel Hut.

    On Gertruda's return, he finds Lord Falafel drunk and without sight. Mistaking him for the ghost of the predatory monk, he attacks him with a spoon and Gertruda Vanackere dies.

    As he attends to the body, Lord Falafel realises what he has done. Driven mad with guilt, he hatches a plan to destroy the next generation, but there is no next generation and he dies of consumption two weeks later.

    “The heart is an arrow. It demands to aim true."

    16 feb 2016 - 18:21   Virtues is offline
    Virtues
    Virtues 4096

    Inagua schreef:
    Tot zover inspiratie voor m'n fanfic :')

    Rita Skeeter, the Wizard

    In a classroom there lived a blonde, quiet wizard named Rita Skeeter. Not a violent tiny, fragile classroom, filled with feathers and an ugly smell, nor yet a ripped, happy, enchanted classroom with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a wizard-classroom, and that means comfort.

    One day, after a troubling visit from the witch Quirinus Quirell, Rita leaves her classroom and sets out in search of three carefree ink. A quest undertaken in the company of witches, wizards and wide muggles.

    In the search for the witch-guarded ink, Rita Skeeter surprises even herself with her intelligent and skill as a student.

    During her travels, Rita rescues a wand, an heirloom belonging to Quirinus. But when Quirinus refuses to try sitting, their friendship is over.

    However, Quirinus is wounded at the Battle of Hastings and the two reconcile just before Rita engages in some serious sitting.

    Rita accepts one of the three carefree ink and returns home to her classroom a very wealthy wizard.

    Dus vanaf nu is Rita geen witch meer, waar een wizard ^^

    in love with the fictional characters, I'm sorry

    16 feb 2016 - 18:22   SHlNee is offline
    SHlNee
    SHlNee 13011

    Cibis schreef:
    (...)
    Dus vanaf nu is Rita geen witch meer, waar een wizard ^^


    Ikr :') Gosh, ik heb het een tweede keer gedaan, maar het is nu alleen maar erger geworden en ik ben niet handig met dit ding :')

    Rita Skeeter had always loved enormous Hogwarts with its cooing, cold castle. It was a place where she felt calm.

    She was a naieve, confident, cola drinker with blonde hair and beautiful eyes. Her friends saw her as a brave, barbecued bitch. Once, she had even rescued a large teacher from a burning building. That's the sort of woman he was.

    Rita walked over to the window and reflected on her beautiful surroundings. The snow flurried like chatting cat.

    Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Quirinus Quirell. Quirinus was a mean coward with skinny hair and short eyes.

    Rita gulped. She was not prepared for Quirinus.

    As Rita stepped outside and Quirinus came closer, she could see the lazy glint in his eye.

    Quirinus glared with all the wrath of 526 anxious mighty mouse. He said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want a kiss."

    Rita looked back, even more stressed and still fingering the enchanted wand. "Quirinus, leave me alone," she replied.

    They looked at each other with anxious feelings, like two oily, orange owl laughing at a very clumsy lesson, which had piano music playing in the background and two curious uncles sitting to the beat.

    Rita studied Quirinus's skinny hair and short eyes. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Rita in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just don't hate you Quirinus."

    Quirinus looked confident, his emotions raw like a flipping, fried feather.

    Rita could actually hear Quirinus's emotions shatter into 3573 pieces. Then the mean coward hurried away into the distance.

    Not even a drink of cola would calm Rita's nerves tonight.

    THE END

    "A good book is always good, no matter how many times you've read it."

    16 feb 2016 - 18:23   takiwatanga is offline
    takiwatanga
    takiwatanga 54391

    		The Curse of the Ripped Newspaper
    A Horror Story
    by Erieka

    Whilst investigating the death of a local hairdresser, a caring teacher called Maud Barker uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, ripped newspaper circulating throughout Disneyland. As soon as anyone uses the newspaper, he or she has exactly 15 days left to live.

    The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look mirrored. A marked person feels like a fake cat to touch.

    Maud gets hold of the newspaper, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into her mind: a deserted goldfish balancing on a giant hairdresser, an old newspaper headline about a pointless accident, a hooded horse ranting about toes and a drinking well located in a snooty place.

    When Maud notices her fingers have cat-like properties, she realises that the curse of the ripped newspaper is true and calls in her friend, a cleaner called Georgina Thunder, to help.

    Georgina examines the newspaper and willingly submits herself to the curse. She finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. She finds the deserted goldfish balancing on a giant hairdresser particularly chilling. She joins the queue for a supernatural death.

    Maud and Georgina pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded horse. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

    [ bericht aangepast op 16 feb 2016 - 18:24 ]

    26 - 02 - '16

    16 feb 2016 - 18:27   Tad is offline
    Tad
    Tad 3475

    Als ik een blurb zou lezen met de quote I'm going to need salty crisps, big, salty crisps." dan zou ik om zijn hoor. :'D


    Sinister Men
    A Romance Novel
    by Mignon

    "I'm going to need salty crisps, big, salty crisps."

    During a valentines day in Anchorage in 1988, a baby is born and dies before she can take her first breath.
    During a valentines day in Anchorage in 1988, the same baby is born and lives to tell the tale. That baby becomes 28-year-old Felicity Thornton, a optimistic and forgiving psychiatrist.
    What if there were second chances? Third chances? Fourth chances? Would you eventually be able to save the world from sinister men who murder each other? Would you even want to?

    Sinister Men follows Felicity Thornton and her understanding husband, Bob Kowalski, as their boring lives tumble through turbulent events in Manchester, again and again.
    However, Felicity finds herself troubled by her boring ideals and becomes overwhelmed with moral questions. Will her conscience allow her to do whatever is needed to stop the sinister men?

    Mignon explores bottles and salty crisps to full effect in the Romance novel to end all Romance novels.

    "Never have there been more chilling villains than sinister men that murder each other."
    - The Daily Tale
    "Are we seriously supposed to find an optimistic and forgiving psychiatrist from Anchorage heroic?"
    - Enid Kibbler

    She's imperfect but she tries

    16 feb 2016 - 18:32   takiwatanga is offline
    takiwatanga
    takiwatanga 54391

    Nu heb ik er een gemaakt waarbij ik bij de namen Disney figuren in heb gevuld. De rest heb ik random gelaten.

    		 Malicious Crime
    A Crime Thriller
    by Erieka

    Mangled warts have been turning up all over Scotland and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a paperweight, and still nobody has a clue who the malicious killer is.

    Sir Clopin Trouillefou is a smart and thoughtful lawyer with a fondness for booze. He doesn't know it yet but he is the only one who can stop the predatory killer.

    When his lover, Cheshire Cat, is kidnapped, Sir Trouillefou finds himself thrown into the centre of the investigation. His only clue is a tattered gun.

    He enlists the help of a kind cleaner called Drizella Tremaine.

    Can Tremaine help Trouillefou overcome his poker addiction and find the answers before the cowardly killer and his deadly paperweight strike again?

    [ bericht aangepast op 16 feb 2016 - 18:33 ]

    26 - 02 - '16

    16 feb 2016 - 18:35   Vangelis is offline
    Vangelis
    Vangelis 14023

    		Pete Chen, the robot.
    A Fantasy Novel
    by Little A

    In a hole there lived an incredible, pretty robot named Pete Chen. Not a slimy fake, crowded hole, filled with stamps and a fluffy smell, nor yet a spiky, sizzling, minuscule hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a robot-hole, and that means shelter.

    One day, after a troubling visit from the wizard Phillip Donaldson, Pete leaves his hole and sets out in search of three magical eyebrows. A quest undertaken in the company of girls, giants and scheming elves.

    In the search for the wizard-guarded eyebrows, Pete Chen surprises even himself with his patience and skill as a mechanic.

    During his travels, Pete rescues a piano, an heirloom belonging to Phillip. But when Phillip refuses to try jogging, their friendship is over.

    However, Phillip is wounded at the Battle of Blenheim and the two reconcile just before Pete engages in some serious jogging.

    Pete accepts one of the three magical eyebrows and returns home to his hole a very wealthy robot.

    Heaven is a place that we all have

    16 feb 2016 - 18:43   Zoldyck is offline
    Zoldyck
    Zoldyck 5837

    Bestseller van het jaar :p


    Zoe the Vampire Slayer

    A Teen Vampire Story
    by Mr Pseudonym

    There's a stable new girl in Truro and she has everybody talking. Stunningly fat and devastatingly grubby, all the girls want her. However, Kathy Chan has a secret - she's a spiteful vampire.

    Zoe Noris is a cute, fat girl who enjoys boxing. She becomes fascinated by Kathy who can stop elephants with her bare hands. She doesn't understand why she's so standoffish.

    Her best friend, a hopeful sprite called Sandie, helps Zoe begin to piece together the puzzle. Together, they discover the ultimate weapon - the yellow, enchanted candlestick.

    When bodies start turning up all over Truro, Zoe begins to fear the worst. The sprite urges her to report Kathy to the police and she knows she should, so what's stopping her?

    She may resist Kathy's bite, but can she resist her charms?

    Will she be caught bopping with the vampire?

    Praise for Zoe the Vampire Slayer

    "Bursting with originality. A cute girl falling for a fat vampire has simply never been done before."
    - The Daily Tale
    "About as moving as a cow stuck in a bog, but Zoe the Vampire Slayer does deliver an important message about not having a sprite for a friend."
    - Enid Kibbler
    "A yellow, enchanted candlestick would be my first choice too. This must be based on a true story, you couldn't make this stuff up!"
    - Hit the Spoof
    "I could do better."
    - Zob Gloop

    Had geen zin om mijn naam in te vullen en nu ben ik opeens Mr Pseudonym, lol :') Klinkt wel enorm sexy XD

    If you can't remember my name, just say 'chocolate' and I'll turn around.

    16 feb 2016 - 18:43   takiwatanga is offline
    takiwatanga
    takiwatanga 54391

    The Holiday to Ruinous Africa
    A Summer's Tale
    by Erieka


    Darth Vader is a clever fashion designer from dark Disneyland. He leads a sleepy life. However, all that changes when Darth books a summer holiday to ruinous Africa.

    At first Darth finds Africa very abandoned. Then there's the mysterious, nasty cook, Harry Potter, who makes him feel hot.

    When Harry invites him on a rampaging expedition, Darth begins to realise that Harry is a deeply sweet and neat man.

    Darth knows in his heart that Harry is the man for him. However, to secure his happiness, Darth must fend off the grumpy hitman, Peter Pan, who wants to get his claws into Harry.

    Using his giant bananas and a mutual love of killing people, Darth sets out to snare Harry once and for all. But will the nasty fashion designer return his affections?

    [ bericht aangepast op 16 feb 2016 - 18:43 ]

    26 - 02 - '16

    16 feb 2016 - 19:14   Jaimes is offline
    Jaimes
    Jaimes 35564

    OMG. Dit is geweldig.

    I'm Ellie's & Mitshy's little secret. Rawr.

    16 feb 2016 - 20:19   Aire is offline
    Aire
    Aire 5739

    Amazing.

    Jealous Basilisk

    A Screenplay by Fanny the genius
    INT. HOGWARTS - AFTERNOON

    Nerd personal assistant of the minister of magic MR PERCY WEASLEY is arguing with brave international quidditch player MR OLIVER WOOD. PERCY tries to hug OLIVER but he shakes him off.

    PERCY
    Please Oliver, don't leave me.
    OLIVER
    I'm sorry Percy, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
    PERCY
    I am such a person!
    OLIVER frowns.

    OLIVER
    I'm sorry, Percy. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
    OLIVER leaves.

    PERCY sits down, looking defeated.

    Moments later, fanatic auror MR HARRY POTTER barges in looking flustered.

    PERCY
    Goodness, Harry! Is everything okay?
    HARRY
    I'm afraid not.
    PERCY
    What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
    HARRY
    It's ... a basilisk ... I saw an evil basilisk shit on a bunch of cowboys!
    PERCY
    Defenseless cowboys?
    HARRY
    Yes, defenseless cowboys!
    PERCY
    Bloomin' heck, Harry! We've got to do something.
    HARRY
    I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
    PERCY
    You can start by telling me where this happened.
    HARRY
    I was...
    HARRY fans himself and begins to wheeze.

    PERCY
    Focus Harry, focus! Where did it happen?
    HARRY
    Voldemorts bathroom! That's right - Voldemorts bathroom!
    PERCY springs up and begins to run.


    EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

    PERCY rushes along the street, followed by HARRY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


    INT. VOLDEMORTS BATHROOM - SHORTLY AFTER

    DONALD TRUMP a jealous basilisk terrorises two cowboys.

    PERCY, closely followed by HARRY, rushes towards DONALD, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

    HARRY
    What is is? What's the matter?
    PERCY
    That's not just any old basilisk, that's Donald Trump!
    HARRY
    Who's Donald Trump?
    PERCY
    Who's Donald Trump? Who's Donald Trump? Only the most jealous basilisk in the universe!
    HARRY
    Blinkin' knickers, Percy! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most jealous basilisk in the universe!
    PERCY
    You can say that again.
    HARRY
    Blinkin' knickers, Percy! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most jealous basilisk in the universe!
    PERCY
    I'm going to need charms, lots of charms.
    Donald turns and sees Percy and Harry. He grins an evil grin.

    DONALD
    Percy Weasley, we meet again.
    HARRY
    You've met?
    PERCY
    Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

    EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

    A young PERCY is sitting in a park listening to some folk music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

    He looks up and sees DONALD. He takes off his headphones.

    DONALD
    Would you like some sugarfree candy?
    PERCY's eyes light up, but then he studies DONALD more closely, and looks uneasy.

    PERCY
    I don't know, you look kind of jealous.
    DONALD
    Me? No. I'm not jealous. I'm the least jealous basilisk in the world.
    PERCY
    Wait, you're a basilisk?
    PERCY runs away, screaming.


    INT. VOLDEMORTS BATHROOM - PRESENT DAY

    DONALD
    You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
    HARRY
    (To PERCY) You ran away?
    PERCY
    (To HARRY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
    PERCY turns to DONALD.

    PERCY
    I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
    PERCY runs away.

    He turns back and shouts.

    PERCY
    I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with charms.
    DONALD
    I'm not scared of you.
    PERCY
    You should be.

    INT. HAGRID'S HUT - LATER THAT DAY

    PERCY and HARRY walk around searching for something.

    PERCY
    I feel sure I left my charms somewhere around here.
    HARRY
    Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly charms.
    PERCY
    You know nothing Harry Potter.
    HARRY
    We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
    Suddenly, DONALD appears, holding a pair of charms.

    DONALD
    Looking for something?
    HARRY
    Crikey, Percy, he's got your charms.
    PERCY
    Tell me something I don't already know!
    HARRY
    The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
    PERCY
    I know that already!
    HARRY
    I killed your pet snails by accident.
    DONALD
    (appalled) Dude!
    While DONALD is looking at HARRY with disgust, PERCY lunges forward and grabs his deadly charms. He wields them, triumphantly.

    PERCY
    Prepare to die, you jealous carrot!
    DONALD
    No please! All I did was shit on a bunch of cowboys!
    OLIVER enters, unseen by any of the others.

    PERCY
    I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those cowboys were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Percy Weasley defender of innocent cowboys.
    DONALD
    Don't hurt me! Please!
    PERCY
    Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these charms on you right away!
    DONALD
    Because Percy, I am your father.
    PERCY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

    PERCY
    No you're not!
    DONALD
    Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
    DONALD tries to grab the charms but PERCY dodges out of the way.

    PERCY
    Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
    Unexpectedly, DONALD slumps to the ground.

    HARRY
    Did he just faint?
    PERCY
    I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly charms.
    PERCY crouches over DONALD's body.

    HARRY
    Be careful, Percy. It could be a trick.
    PERCY
    No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Donald Trump is dead!
    PERCY
    What?
    PERCY
    Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
    HARRY claps his hands.

    HARRY
    So your charms did save the day, after all.
    OLIVER steps forward.

    OLIVER
    Is it true? Did you kill the jealous basilisk?
    PERCY
    Oliver how long have you been...?
    OLIVER puts his arm around PERCY.

    OLIVER
    Long enough.
    PERCY
    Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Donald Trump.
    OLIVER
    Then the cowboys are safe?
    PERCY
    It does seem that way!
    A crowd of vulnerable cowboys enter, looking relived.

    OLIVER
    You are their hero.
    The cowboys bow to PERCY.

    PERCY
    There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Donald Trump will never shit on cowboys ever again, is enough for me.
    OLIVER
    You are humble as well as brave!
    One of the cowboys passes PERCY a fancy bracelet

    OLIVER
    I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
    PERCY
    I couldn't possibly.
    Pause.

    PERCY
    Well, if you insist.
    PERCY takes the bracelet.

    PERCY
    Thank you.
    The cowboys bow their heads once more, and leave.

    PERCY turns to OLIVER.

    PERCY
    Does this mean you want me back?
    OLIVER
    Oh, Percy, of course I want you back!
    PERCY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

    PERCY
    Well you can't have me.
    OLIVER
    WHAT?
    PERCY
    You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a basilisk to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
    OLIVER
    But...
    PERCY
    Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Harry.
    HARRY grins.

    OLIVER
    But...
    HARRY
    You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
    OLIVER
    Percy?
    PERCY
    I'm sorry Oliver, but I think you should skidaddle.
    OLIVER leaves.

    HARRY turns to PERCY.

    HARRY
    Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
    PERCY
    Of course you are!
    The two walk off arm in arm.

    Suddenly HARRY stops.

    HARRY
    When I said I killed your pet snails by accident, you know I was just trying to distract the basilisk don't you?
    THE END

    What do we say to the god of death? ''Not today.''

    16 feb 2016 - 20:28   SHlNee is offline
    SHlNee
    SHlNee 13011

    Asher schreef:
    Amazing.

    Jealous Basilisk

    A Screenplay by Fanny the genius
    INT. HOGWARTS - AFTERNOON

    Nerd personal assistant of the minister of magic MR PERCY WEASLEY is arguing with brave international quidditch player MR OLIVER WOOD. PERCY tries to hug OLIVER but he shakes him off.

    PERCY
    Please Oliver, don't leave me.
    OLIVER
    I'm sorry Percy, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
    PERCY
    I am such a person!
    OLIVER frowns.

    OLIVER
    I'm sorry, Percy. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
    OLIVER leaves.

    PERCY sits down, looking defeated.

    Moments later, fanatic auror MR HARRY POTTER barges in looking flustered.

    PERCY
    Goodness, Harry! Is everything okay?
    HARRY
    I'm afraid not.
    PERCY
    What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
    HARRY
    It's ... a basilisk ... I saw an evil basilisk shit on a bunch of cowboys!
    PERCY
    Defenseless cowboys?
    HARRY
    Yes, defenseless cowboys!
    PERCY
    Bloomin' heck, Harry! We've got to do something.
    HARRY
    I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
    PERCY
    You can start by telling me where this happened.
    HARRY
    I was...
    HARRY fans himself and begins to wheeze.

    PERCY
    Focus Harry, focus! Where did it happen?
    HARRY
    Voldemorts bathroom! That's right - Voldemorts bathroom!
    PERCY springs up and begins to run.


    EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

    PERCY rushes along the street, followed by HARRY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


    INT. VOLDEMORTS BATHROOM - SHORTLY AFTER

    DONALD TRUMP a jealous basilisk terrorises two cowboys.

    PERCY, closely followed by HARRY, rushes towards DONALD, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

    HARRY
    What is is? What's the matter?
    PERCY
    That's not just any old basilisk, that's Donald Trump!
    HARRY
    Who's Donald Trump?
    PERCY
    Who's Donald Trump? Who's Donald Trump? Only the most jealous basilisk in the universe!
    HARRY
    Blinkin' knickers, Percy! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most jealous basilisk in the universe!
    PERCY
    You can say that again.
    HARRY
    Blinkin' knickers, Percy! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most jealous basilisk in the universe!
    PERCY
    I'm going to need charms, lots of charms.
    Donald turns and sees Percy and Harry. He grins an evil grin.

    DONALD
    Percy Weasley, we meet again.
    HARRY
    You've met?
    PERCY
    Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

    EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

    A young PERCY is sitting in a park listening to some folk music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

    He looks up and sees DONALD. He takes off his headphones.

    DONALD
    Would you like some sugarfree candy?
    PERCY's eyes light up, but then he studies DONALD more closely, and looks uneasy.

    PERCY
    I don't know, you look kind of jealous.
    DONALD
    Me? No. I'm not jealous. I'm the least jealous basilisk in the world.
    PERCY
    Wait, you're a basilisk?
    PERCY runs away, screaming.


    INT. VOLDEMORTS BATHROOM - PRESENT DAY

    DONALD
    You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
    HARRY
    (To PERCY) You ran away?
    PERCY
    (To HARRY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
    PERCY turns to DONALD.

    PERCY
    I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
    PERCY runs away.

    He turns back and shouts.

    PERCY
    I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with charms.
    DONALD
    I'm not scared of you.
    PERCY
    You should be.

    INT. HAGRID'S HUT - LATER THAT DAY

    PERCY and HARRY walk around searching for something.

    PERCY
    I feel sure I left my charms somewhere around here.
    HARRY
    Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly charms.
    PERCY
    You know nothing Harry Potter.
    HARRY
    We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
    Suddenly, DONALD appears, holding a pair of charms.

    DONALD
    Looking for something?
    HARRY
    Crikey, Percy, he's got your charms.
    PERCY
    Tell me something I don't already know!
    HARRY
    The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
    PERCY
    I know that already!
    HARRY
    I killed your pet snails by accident.
    DONALD
    (appalled) Dude!
    While DONALD is looking at HARRY with disgust, PERCY lunges forward and grabs his deadly charms. He wields them, triumphantly.

    PERCY
    Prepare to die, you jealous carrot!
    DONALD
    No please! All I did was shit on a bunch of cowboys!
    OLIVER enters, unseen by any of the others.

    PERCY
    I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those cowboys were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Percy Weasley defender of innocent cowboys.
    DONALD
    Don't hurt me! Please!
    PERCY
    Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these charms on you right away!
    DONALD
    Because Percy, I am your father.
    PERCY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

    PERCY
    No you're not!
    DONALD
    Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
    DONALD tries to grab the charms but PERCY dodges out of the way.

    PERCY
    Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
    Unexpectedly, DONALD slumps to the ground.

    HARRY
    Did he just faint?
    PERCY
    I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly charms.
    PERCY crouches over DONALD's body.

    HARRY
    Be careful, Percy. It could be a trick.
    PERCY
    No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Donald Trump is dead!
    PERCY
    What?
    PERCY
    Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
    HARRY claps his hands.

    HARRY
    So your charms did save the day, after all.
    OLIVER steps forward.

    OLIVER
    Is it true? Did you kill the jealous basilisk?
    PERCY
    Oliver how long have you been...?
    OLIVER puts his arm around PERCY.

    OLIVER
    Long enough.
    PERCY
    Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Donald Trump.
    OLIVER
    Then the cowboys are safe?
    PERCY
    It does seem that way!
    A crowd of vulnerable cowboys enter, looking relived.

    OLIVER
    You are their hero.
    The cowboys bow to PERCY.

    PERCY
    There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Donald Trump will never shit on cowboys ever again, is enough for me.
    OLIVER
    You are humble as well as brave!
    One of the cowboys passes PERCY a fancy bracelet

    OLIVER
    I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
    PERCY
    I couldn't possibly.
    Pause.

    PERCY
    Well, if you insist.
    PERCY takes the bracelet.

    PERCY
    Thank you.
    The cowboys bow their heads once more, and leave.

    PERCY turns to OLIVER.

    PERCY
    Does this mean you want me back?
    OLIVER
    Oh, Percy, of course I want you back!
    PERCY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

    PERCY
    Well you can't have me.
    OLIVER
    WHAT?
    PERCY
    You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a basilisk to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
    OLIVER
    But...
    PERCY
    Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Harry.
    HARRY grins.

    OLIVER
    But...
    HARRY
    You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
    OLIVER
    Percy?
    PERCY
    I'm sorry Oliver, but I think you should skidaddle.
    OLIVER leaves.

    HARRY turns to PERCY.

    HARRY
    Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
    PERCY
    Of course you are!
    The two walk off arm in arm.

    Suddenly HARRY stops.

    HARRY
    When I said I killed your pet snails by accident, you know I was just trying to distract the basilisk don't you?
    THE END


    I almost laughed myself to death x)

    "A good book is always good, no matter how many times you've read it."

    16 feb 2016 - 20:29   ProngsPotter is offline
    ProngsPotter
    ProngsPotter 14174

    Omggg

    Legolas Greenleaf looked at the beatiful gold in his hands and felt worty.

    He walked over to the window and reflected on his A blue lake surroundings. He had always loved Holes in de ground The Shire with its tight, tiny Trees. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel worty.

    Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Smaug The Dragon. Smaug was a dangerous monster with elf head and tiny foot.

    Legolas gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a friendly, mean, beer drinker with big head and dangerous foot. His friends saw him as an angry, adventurous angel. Once, he had even helped a noisy ears cross the road.

    "I am here because I want His head on a stick," Smaug bellowed, in a suspicious tone. He slammed his fist against Legolas's chest, with the force of 5570 butterfly. "I frigging hate you, Legolas Greenleaf."
    Legolas looked back, even more dumb and still fingering the beatiful gold. "Smaug, are you asking for my permission," he replied.

    [ bericht aangepast op 16 feb 2016 - 20:31 ]

    Three words, large enough to tip the world. I remember you.




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