She || 2

I think I could fill a Word with just her name, and be content with that, if it wasn't for her interrupting me, by texting.
I don't know I I'm supposed to feel butterflies every time she uses a nickname for me.
I know I'm not supposed to feel envious when she talks about her girlfriend, but I do. I should just feel happy for her, and I used be, before I started liking her. I should just be happy that she's happy, but I can't help but feel envious. It feels like a sucker-punch to the gut, every time I'm reminded of her.
I shouldn't be writing this.
I shouldn't have fallen for her.
I shouldn't have started liking her.
I should not act on my feelings.
I know I don't want to ruin their relationship, I know it's wrong to want them to break up, and I am ashamed of myself.
But then I see her face and everything fades.
I've never felt it this strong.
I shouldn't, should I?
But what if it's okay?
They won't last forever, right?
No relationship in this phase does, right?
Or are they supposed to be?
Are they written in the stars?
I know that sentence doesn't sound right, but nothing does.
What if they'll stay together forever?
What'll become of me?

But what if they don't?
What if she'll text me, in tears?
What if I'll come over to comfort her?
What if I'll get lucky, for once?
What if we're supposed to be?

Even though I don't believe in soulmates. Even though I'm about as bound to science as Gollum to the ring. Even though I believe there's no such thing as soulmates. Even though...
It was such a coincidence I found her, and we started talking. What if I hadn't?
What if I hadn't cared?
What if she hadn't cared?
I'd be able to continue with the 'What if..?' 's forever, because it is such a coincidence.
I already am lucky to be talking to her.
But I want more.
I want to be with her..
But I can't