Frey_ schreef:
Edit: wow lang, spoiler
> be me
> be so dysfunctional that you can only spend a few hours a week on your graduation project
> still want to write a book
> scoff at yourself for wanting to write a book while the reality of being so dysfunctional is staring you in the face
> doubt yourself, wonder if you're just lazy and faked adhd for diagnosis
> wonder if you could maybe write that book if you'd stop being lazy and finish the goddamn thesis first
> be so dysfunctional that you feel the passing of every minute not spent working lying on you like the carcass of your hopes and dreams, suffocating you and making you so sick that the thought of eating makes you want to crawl out of your skin
> wonder if you might be faking it
> franticly try to search for ways to make. brain. work. even if it costs so. much. money.
> still wonder about that book that you haven't started even though you've been wanting to for over ten years
> remember stepmom implying that you manipulated your shrink and that your diagnosis is fake and wonder if she's right
> literally scream in frustration multiple times a day because you can't make yourself do the things you want and need to do
> but am I not just lazy though..??
Shit girl, executive dysfunction is een fucking hell om in te zitten. You're not lazy--lazy people don't beat themselves up over the fact that they're doing nothing. Take your rest, because you need it to be able to function for those few hours you can work on the project. You're not faking. If you're about to scream in frustration because you feel that stuck, you. are. not. faking. Be gentle to yourself girlie <3
Three words, large enough to tip the world. I remember you.