• SPRINGFIELD UNIVERSITY
                                                               

    This is an all english RPG, which means that we write the characters and posts in english and we expect you to be able to write good post, with correct grammar and use of words and punctation. Of course you can chat in dutch.

    In this RPG we'll follow a couple of students attending Springfield University– a university only willing to accept the best students, or the richest. Springfield is an university with a high reputation as well in sports as in grades. Students come from all over the world to attend and almost no one starts or ends in any other year than the first and last year. To get in Springfield University students will need the best grades and motivation

          • Studies
    Students can follow a wide variety of studies at Springfield, of which all include a lot of colleges and work you have to do on your own. The students we follow follow either of the courses on this list. Most of those studies include some kind of separation in the higher years.
    — Architecture
    — Graphic Design
    — Politics
    — Physiology
    — History
    — Science
    — Biology
    — Engineering
    — Art
    — English literature
    — Law
          • Dorms
    Springfield University has a roomie plan, which means that at the beginning of your first year, you get paired up with someone else from your own gender, and you guys will have to share a dorm room for your coming years. Your dorm includes two one-person beds which you can set to almost any height and can also pair up, two desk, two closets, two chairs, two nightstand and two dressers. You are allowed to move your furniture around in any way you like, but it has to stay in your room. Cleaning your room is your own responsibility. Boys and Girls are not allowed to be in each others dorm room while the door being closed and not allowed in at any time between 19.00 and 7.00. The dorms are checked every evening so there is no way of students sneaking in or out. In the evening there's a patrol at the doors, except between 1.00 and 4.00, but there still is an alarm on the building. The list of roommates will be made at the opening of the writing topic with a randomizer.
          • Sports
    Sports are high-valued at Springfield University, though not a must. Athletes are well-known and most of them are populair. The cheerleading and football team are above all, most valued and most populair. The selection process for those includes a lot of work, and the only person secure of their place of the team another year is the person who was captain. Others all have to re-audition, and don't always get in the team again. Below is a list of all sports available at Springfield.
    — American Football (Boys Only)
    — Cheerleading (Girls Only)
    — Swimming
    — Track and Field
    — Show Jumping
          • Dress Code
    The university has no uniform, but a dress code, as that is what students prefer. During classes, students have to obey to the dress code, or they'll be sent to their dorm to change. A list of items not allowed:
    — Headwear of any way. If there is a reason you must or feel safer to, your parents have to have contacted the university's principal.
    — Any suggestive graphic on clothing.
    — Skirts, dresses or pants shorter than 15cm above the knee.
    — Suggestive clothing.
    — Heels over 8cm high.
    — Pants or shorts worn below the waistline.
    — Stretch lycra, spandex or nylon tights, leotards, biker pants, pajama/sleepwear pants or shirts, or underwear worn as outer garments.
    — Bare-feet or flip-flops.
    — Long coats (inside)
    — Pyjamas
    — Showing underwear.
          • Years
    Students can enroll at Springfield directly after high school, or after a break-year. In the RPG we'll follow second year students.
    1 — 18/19 or 19/20
    2 — 19/20 or 20/21
    3 — 20/21 or 21/22
    4 — 21/22 or 22/23
          • Grades, Tests and Essays
    The year is split into three trimesters. At the end of your last trimester, you'll have an exam to determine whether you can go on to your next year. The other trimesters end with a big test, that counts 20% or that years exam, which counts 15% on your graduation exam. Students are allowed to get three tests pro subject every trimester, and two essays.The grading goes on a percentage-scale. This percentage builds up, so at the end of your year you could reach a maximum of 1800%, though no one ever was able to reach that.
          • Rules
    — No fighting, bullying or any way of harassing fellow students or Professors is allowed.
    — Never destroy or do harm to any of the University's possesions or the University itself.
    — Do not skip classes if you haven't got a valid reason to do so.
    — Any form of fraud is strictly forbidden and you will be punished severely for it.
    — Normal society rules also apply at the University.
          • Roomie plan
          Girls
    • Lieke Bregtje van Diepen and Elza Delilah Morrow
    • Averly Ann Daemor and Lexi Amelia Everest
    • Lucy Cho Fitzgerald and Faelyn Bree Ahearn
    • Alexis Mae Boyer and Camilla Sydney Marissa Fernandes
    • Charlotte Qais Teller Joneson and Probie's character
    Ellipsism's character and ?
          Boys
    • Elijah Valentijn Valencia and Finley Sebastian Rutherford
    • Flyn Levi Thatcher and Sam Brian Moores
    Ellipsism's character and Aurelian Narcisse Ainsworth
    • Luka Ábel Petrovic and Wallen's character
    • Sebastien Javier Dominguez and Cain Timothy Acardi
    • Joshua Niall Teagan and Reynald Donatello Bowen


    Sports

          • American Football
    Captain —
    Offense
    Guard (2) ––
    Tackle (2) ––
    Center (1) ––
    Quarterback (1) ––
    Running back (3) ––
    Wide receiver (2) ––
    Tight end (2) ––
    Defense
    Tackle (2) ––
    End (2) ––
    Middle linebacker (1) ––
    Outside linebacker (2) ––
    Cornerback (2) ––
    Safety (2) ––
          • Cheerleading
    Captain ––
    Reserve Captain/Under Captain ––
    Other (12) ––
    • Alexis Mae Boyer
    • Charlotte Qais Teller Joneson
    • Lexi Amelia Everest
          • Track and Field
          • Swimming
    • Luka Ábel Petrovic
    • Lucy Cho Fitzgerald
          • Show Jumping
    • Joshua Niall Teagan


    Roles
    Name — Study — Faceclaim — User — Page
    [Girls/Boys: 12/11]
    • Lieke Bregtje van Diepen — Graphic Design — Holland Roden — Deamus — 1.12
    • Averly Ann Daemor — History — Emilia Clarke — Anemoia — ?
    • ? — ? — ? — Probie — ?
    • Alexis Mae Boyer — Physiology — Danielle Campbell — Dysthymia — 1.3
    • Lucy Cho Fitzgerald — Law — Jenn Im — Daggers — 1.2
    • ? — ? — ? — Ellipsism — ?
    • Charlotte Qais Teller Joneson — Cara Delevingne — Science — Dinkleberg — 1.3
    • Rhea Alyx Metaxas — History — Amanda Steele — Sempre — 1.4
    • Lexi Amelia Everest — Architecture — Lauren Cohan — Caprice — 1.4
    • Elza Delilah Morrow — Science — Vanessa Moe — Malfoys — 1.6
    • Faelyn Bree Ahearn — Politics — Alexis Ren — Vellichor — 1.9
    • Camilla Sydney Marissa Fernandes — Biology — Cindy Mello — Xanthopoulos — 1.12

    • Elijah Valentijn Valencia — Law — ? — Anemoia — 1.12
    • Flyn Levi Thatcher — English Literature — Sean O'Pry — GusWaters — 1.3
    • Luka Ábel Petrovic — History — Alessio Pozzi — Raccoon — 1.3
    • ? — ? — ? — Ellipsism — ?
    • ? — ? — ? — Wallen — ?
    • Aurelian Narcisse Ainsworth — Law — Jordan Barett — Xanthopoulos — 1.3
    • Cain Timothy Acardi — Art — Francisco Lachowski — Vellichor — 1.10
    • Finley Sebastian Rutherford — History — ? — Dumbledore — 1.5
    • Joshua Niall Teagan — English Literature — Finn Harries — BenjaminSolo — 1.9
    • Sam Brian Moores — Biology — Nick Bateman — Necessity — 1.11
    • Sebastien Javier Dominguez — Graphic Design — Andre Hamman — Atlas — 1.11

    RPG Rules

    • Posts are at least 200 words.
    • Post regularly.
    • Be nice to each other.
    • Posts are in English only! OOC is allowed in Dutch.
    • Make a full post, meaning a picture, a name, your post and the study of your character
    • 16+ is allowed, but warn in the top of you post in red so people who don't want to read it don't have to.
    • Quizlet house rules.
    • Only Deamus and Anemoia make the topics, unless stated otherwise.
    • There's no character limit - but don't take more than you can handle.
    • When you want to reserve another character, please pay attention to the amount of boys and girls and keep that in mind when deciding on the gender. If there's a stop there's a stop. There is no wait-list, so first the first to actually claim the role gets it.
    • You only have to write English in your Character Sheet and in the Writing topic.
    • If you aren't writing with fun anymore, you can quit the RPG but not before you write a post where your character leaves the conversation/gets send off to another school/etc.
    • Read the whole topic!

    The Start

    We'll start on October 19th, around 13.00, a saturday. On the 31st of October, there'll be a big halloween ball for the whole school in costume. It's a regular saturday, without any big games. Just two weeks ago the football team won a big game.
    Trainings on saturday:
    Cheerleading: 10.00-12.00
    Football: 16.00-18.00
    Track and Field: 9.00-11.00
    Show Jumping: 19.30-21.30
    Swimming: 15.00-17.00

    [ bericht aangepast op 2 feb 2016 - 19:49 ]


    take me back to the basics and the simple life

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    Ren promised to never keep a secret from me and I was sure he wouldn’t. He was an honest guy. He would keep this promise, unlike me. I had promised it, but I just couldn’t tell this to him. Not now. Not when everything seemed to get a happy ending.
    Luckily he decided to play along when I gave him my hat. I smiled. I still couldn’t believe this amazing person was sitting next to me and was here for me. It wasn’t really smart probably, but I just couldn’t help it. I was starting to fall in love with him and it felt amazing. Terrifying, vulnerable and scary, but amazing. I had no idea where this was going and for some reason I didn’t want to know it. I just wanted it to be as it was right now. No pressure, no secrets, just him and I together.
    “Your presence is enough for me, my wonderful Rabbit,” I answered him. He started singing and I smiled again. Even though he wasn’t a great singer, I liked the sound of his voice. And well, I liked what he was singing even more. I heard he really meant it and it made me a little shy. How could such an amazing person even like me?
    It took me maybe a bit too long to realize I had to answer him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer him – indeed, I would love to tell him I felt the same and see where we were going next – but I just didn’t know how. I wasn’t great with words and I just didn’t know how to express myself.
    “Something about a river and the sea, darling so it goes. Some things are meant to be. I still do not know the lyrics. For I can’t help falling in love with you,” I eventually sang – or at least tried to sing. I couldn’t remember the correct lyrics and probably didn’t even follow the melody, but I hoped my effort would be enough.
    “Ah well, fuck it,” I mumbled more to myself than to him when I realized my attempt was really poor. I grabbed his hand. I had no idea what to do next – this was in every movie the time the couple would suddenly kiss each other, but that wasn’t going to happen here – but I hoped he would understand it. Maybe I had to say something, but ‘yes, I’m falling in love too’ would be such an understatement after his declaration. But I had to try it. “It’s not a sin to stay,” I said, answering the questions in his song. “I want you too.”
    I really hoped I had understand him the right way. What if it was just a song he liked and he didn’t mean it? What if I just wanted to see it? What if I had ruined it between us? Doubts ran through my mind, but I couldn’t undo what I had said and done. I just could hope this hadn’t been a mistake. It had been difficult to open up a little for him, but he had made it easier than expected. Being this vulnerable was scary, but in a good way. It was new for me, but hopefully not bad.



    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.

    Faelyn Bree Ahearn
    2nd year - politics & cheerleading. Costume


    Faelyn smiled brightly when she and Josh reached the dance floor. She shyly looked at the crowd, trying to avoids Josh gaze. She had dated enough people in her life, so the problem was not that she didn't know what to do. The problem was that she had never had such trouble showing she liked someone and that that someone had never been so awkward himself. Faelyn bit her lip looking back at the young man in front of her.
    "Come on, dance with me," she chuckled softly. Slowly she started dancing for a bit. just stepping in and out at the rhythm of the music. Faelyn enjoyed dancing, but then again, Faelyn was the kind of girl that enjoyed a lot of different things. She didn't waste any time this time around. Without really realizing it she stepped closer to Josh so she could reach his ear.
    "You appear to be just a bit uncomfortable, I hope that's not my fault," Faelyn said with a small smile. Faelyn had maybe made a mistake going here with Joshua She probably had another intend than he had, but she was just hoping there was something there. A girl could always hope right?
    "If it is, we could also leave, but I would feel awful about myself if I forced you to stay here with me, if you'd had to get drunk to feel at least slightly comfortable," Faelyn now said in Irish. Sometimes when she was with Josh, she didn't really realize she switched languages. Everyone else would point it out to her, except for Josh, since he understood her perfectly fine. Then she leaned back and took the smallest step back, so she wasn't completely touching him any longer.


    We've lived in the shadows for far too long.


    Joshua Niall Teagan
    English Literature || Show Jumping

    The girl in my arms was stunning, far too stunning for me, which made me even more uncomfortable, because I knew she could do so much better, though she'd chosen to be here with me. She slowly started dancing, swaying back and forth on the rhythm of the music. I liked watching her become one with the music, while I didn't really know what to do. Dancing was another thing I'd never done before, and I didn't really know how, though I was too embarrassed to admit it. She danced closer and closer to me, which made me close my arms softly around her, while my heart beat a bit faster than it had before, due to the fact that she was now coming real close to me without being forced to by a large body of people. I smiled a bit at her words, but didn't answer. She did make me slightly uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. She made me uncomfortable because she was too good for me, the most beautiful girl here. Her next words were in my native language, which was her's as well. I rather liked it, be because it made me feel comfortable and at home. Now I shook my head and looked straight into her eyes when she took a step back. "That's not it. I really like being here with you. I just never danced before, so I don't know how." I told her in Irish, which I always spoke to her. It was embarrassing, my cheeks burned red, luckily invisible under the facepaint. Everybody knew how to dance, or to move, and I could just stand here with my arms around her. I softly closed my arms again around her, so she was softly pressed up against me. "Why wouldn't I want to be here with the prettiest girl there is?" I softly mumbled in her ear, before slowly starting to sway, hopefully on the rhythm of the music, instead of the rhythm of her heart I could feel beating against my chest, with my head resting against hers.

    [ bericht aangepast op 26 april 2016 - 10:32 ]


    Bowties were never Cooler


    Reynald 'Ren' Donatello Bowen
    History || Swimming
    Sam's smile was perfect, just like the rest of him. He was just a perfect guy, too perfect many would say, but I didn't think that was true. He was just perfect enough. The problem was that he stayed quiet, after I had opened up and left my heart out there with nothing to protect it. It felt like hours before he answered, while it would probably had been just over a minute or so. His singing was far from great, but his raspy voice sounded like velvet in my ears. He clearly didn't know the song, one of my favourites, but it was the effort that counted. I felt my complexions soften, a smile of fondness playing around my lips. My heart beat harder han before, but now not out of fear or worry, but out of love. I loved him, and he seemed to have something of the same feeling for me, however improbable that might be. I got lost in thought again, while he grabbed my hand, what startled me and made me freeze, with my eyes locked on him. It took me a while to get to terms with what had just happened, and to soften-up once again. I wasn' a soft kid to begin with, I was usually very rough around the edges, but he had gotten undr my skin and changed that somehow. I wanted to be soft for him, like sugar and spice and everything nice, though I knew I wasn't. He deserved such a boyfriend. Boyfriend, this was probably the first time I thought of him that way, but it all seemed to fit in our relationship, though we were also still just two best friends, which probably made it work so well between us. I was once again lost in my head, but I did hear his words, what made my heart quite literally jump. It also made me gasp a little. "I never thought you'd say that." I said more in utter shock than anything else for a moment. We both weren't men who liked to talk about our feelings, which made this all even more awkward, but amazing at the same time. I took his hand, which had wrapped itself around mine, in both of my hands, with a soft smile on my face, and I was sure my eyes were beaming. "So? What does this mean for us?" I might sound like a girl right now, but I truely wished that this might turn out to be something more serious. I, the boy who never wanted to be tied down, was craving some stability. There were going to be a lot of bumps in the road, I already knew that, but with his hand in mine, I'd be able to face them all. I was still worried about what had just happened at the party, and that there was something he wasn't telling me, but at this point that was all pushed back by the pure joy his love gave me. I still wished I was going to get lucky tonight, but right now it would be more about us, and being together, than just to have a great night and get off. I looked at him with two large twinkling puppydog eyes. "Sammy, do you want to be my boyfriend?" My voice was soft and got almost drowned out by the music coming from the party. I hoped he said yes, mostly because it would be quite painful if he didn't, especially after these confessions and my heart beating out of my chest with joy.

    [ bericht aangepast op 26 april 2016 - 19:45 ]


    Bowties were never Cooler

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    He seemed to be lost in thoughts, so I almost didn’t want to answer his confession. I didn’t want to interrupt him, but I did it and it was worth it. His smile made me weak and made me feel like I could do anything. He was just perfect and I was sure he didn’t know how perfect he was. The way he looked at me made my heart beat faster. I had never imagined he would look at me like this, but he did. He was just wonderful.
    “Me neither,” I answered him. I meant it both ways. I had never expected to say these words, but I meant more that I had never expected him to speak those words. How could he like me and say it? We weren’t those people who would talk about things like this easily, but somehow we did today and I loved where we were heading. It all felt so right. Sitting here next to him, knowing how he felt, it just felt like it was meant to be.
    I thought for a short moment when he asked me what this meant, and what was coming. I didn’t know. It all felt so great and it could get more serious, but I had no idea how, and, more important, if he wanted it. I knew he wasn’t the type who would get in a serious relationship easily, and of course I wasn’t the best person to start such a relationship with. But that wouldn’t matter if he wanted this as much as I wanted. I liked it how it was, but being able to call him my boyfriend would be amazing. I had never considered myself boyfriend-material, but he made me feel like it could actually work between us.
    Before I could answer him, he asked me the question I wanted him to ask, but still had never expected to hear: did I want to be his boyfriend?
    My heart suddenly felt like it was exploding, but in a good way. I looked at him with a huge smile on my face. I just loved this guy and wanted him to be mine.
    “Yes, yes I would love to,” I said. My voice sounded weird, but that was just the shock. I couldn’t believe he actually said those words. I knew it was true, but it felt like a dream. A wonderful dream. Ren still held my hand and I raised it, with his hands, and slowly pressed my lips against his hand.
    But then I realized what this meant. Being his boyfriend meant he would want more than I could give him and he deserved that. He deserved everything he could get, even when I couldn’t give it to him. I knew what I had to do: I had to tell him, how difficult it would be.
    “But- but I have to tell you something,” I said. My voice cracked. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “It’s just- I can’t give you what you want. You want somebody who can love you like you deserve to be loved and I can’t blame you for that. Everybody wants that. But- I cannot love people that way. I just can’t. You’re an amazing guy and I really love you, but I’m just not capable of physical love. I’m sorry, Ren.” I kept staring at our strangled hands. It had been so great for a moment. Speaking those words had been so, so hard, but he deserved to know the truth, even if that truth would drive him away.


    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.


    Reynald 'Ren' Donatello Bowen
    History || Swimming
    It wasn't usual for us to talk about feelings, not at all, we were both men of acting instead of talking and keeping everything inside. Though it felt good to get it all out of the way this one time. It cleared the air between us, so this hopefully didn't have to be a much reoccuring thing. It might feel good, but it was still a bit awkward to talk about feelings, at least for me it was. This is why I decided to get the question out of the way that was hanging between us like a looming stormcloud. The tension was tangiable and it took me a while to register hiis answe that followed straight after the question. I blinked a few time in confusion, with my eyes wide as saucers. At first confusion that I had really asked someone to be mine, something I didn't think would happen before I was like 30 or 40, and then about that fact that he indeed said yes. He never seemed to be a person for relationships. I had never seem him with anyone, even a fling, anyways. Slowly it did sink in, and the corners of my mouth curled up in a gleeful smile. The tingling feeling in my stomach was more intense than it had ever been, and I felt on top of the world. The feeling only got worse when he kissed the back of my hand, which pushed me out of my state of shock, and made me look at him. This was like living a dream, an amazing dream that I'd never thought would ever be true. He was the most wonderful kid ever and I was the luckiest man alive. This thought vanished when I saw the look on his face change. It made me worry there was something extremely wrong, something along the lines of being a serial killer or something. He didn't look like that, but which serial killer did before he was accused of being one? He started to stutter and stumble over his words, while he started apologising for something I didn't have a clue about untill he more or less spelled it out for me. My eyes became wide once again. I didn't really know what to say or to do at this moment. I loved him, I really did, but I didn't know how to express it without getting fysical. I wasn't a romantic guy, not at all, and I fed off fysical love. I still wanted us to work, I really did, but I didn't know how to go on from here. I wanted, maybe even needed, to hug, to kiss, to get at it in the bedroom, and he couldn't. Did this mean it wasn't meant to be? And why did this feel so good, did he feel like home? At this point I noticed I'd probably been silent for a few minutes, which was very much unlike me. I was usually extemely vocal and always knew what to say, but not now. "I don't know what to say, Sammy. I'm sorry. I want this to work. I just don't know how." I sighed and softly squeezed his hand. I had no clue what to do next, and I hoped he did, bacuse this feeling of helplessness was terrible. I hardly ever had felt it before, always knowing a way out or a possible thing to do, but now I had no idea or even a sense of what to do. "So what do we do next, Sammy. Please tell me you know what to do." My voice was unnaturally insecure and unstable. I couldn't just hide it anymore. This all was taking its toll and the cracks were beginning to show.


    Bowties were never Cooler

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    Ren kept silent, but I knew that I would be able to read a lot of his face if had the guts to look up. I hadn’t. It was easier to keep staring at our hands and not be faced with everything he thought. I wasn’t ashamed of who I was, but at moments like this, with the most wonderful boy next to me, it was difficult. People didn’t understand it didn’t make me a freak or something, but sometimes they made me feel like it.
    Still Ren hadn’t answered and if I hadn’t hold his hand still in mine, I would have thought he would have disappeared. But he couldn’t have fled, because his hand was in mine and I held it like it was my last rescue. If I let it go, everything would disappear.
    Finally he answered me and even though he sounded insecure, it sounded like beautiful music for me. He still wanted me, even though he had no clue how this was going to work out. He wasn’t the only one. I had no idea how we were going to make it work, but we could. It would be hard, but I was sure we could do this. It just felt too perfect to be with him. How could something that felt so much like a home be impossible? It just couldn’t be impossible.
    I sighed. “To be honest Ren, I have no idea,” I answered him. “It has never come this far before.” Nobody had stayed before, not even my parents. They had shouted at me, called me a lot of things that were not worth repeating and had eventually made me walk away for my own protection. After that similar things kept happening with everybody I had dated, so this was a pleasant surprise for me.
    “But I’m sure we can find a way,” I continued. “I don’t know how, but we’ll find a way to make this work.” I just wanted this so badly. Being with him always made me feel like I was living in a beautiful dream, and even though at some point it was time to wake up, I wanted to enjoy this dream as long as possible. I could keep sleeping and dreaming for a while.



    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.


    Reynald 'Ren' Donatello Bowen
    History || Swimming
    I didn't know what to do, and I hated it. I was usually so confident and always knew what to say. That was me, this wasn't and it made me feel terrible. I looked up at Sam when he answered me. His words didn't give me any hope. He was usually not as confident as I was, though he was nowhere this insecure ever. His voice was still his own, but his worlds didn't encourage me. I truely wanted to be with him, but if we didn't know how, we might not be able to. My eyes were wide and unsure. I wanted to be with him, but I needed fysical love. I let go of his hands with one of mine and went through my wild curling hair, while I tried to figure out what to make of his words. He wanted to be with me, wanted to try this. I just had no clue how a hypersexual being like me and an asexual being like him could do this. We both needed love, we both wanted eachother's love, we just needed the love the otherone couldn't give them. I didn't want to force him to do anything, and he didn't want to sexually castrate me. We respected and loved eachtoher, I just wasn't sure if that was enough to make this work. I was just confused, and didn't know what to do, which made me feel even worse. I scratched my head again and sighed. "I really like you, Sammy. I just don't know what to say or do. I ain't a romantic guy. I ain't one for long walks on the beach, romantic candlelit dinners, and musicals." I mumbled confused as hell. I softly placed a kiss on his cheek, before letting go both of his hands. It felt as if all securities just fell down with that gesture. I needed him, I felt it now even better than before, but we could never be good for eachother. They might say opposites attract, but we might be opposite in the wrong kind of way. I was just desperate for this to work. I gave him one other look, happy but desperate at the same time. "I just don't know how, Sammy. Please tell me how." I mumbled, hoping he would know at least where to start, otherwise we might just have broken up before we'd even gotten started at this whole dating thing. I didn't know anythign about dating, let alone romance. The fact that this relationship would be limited to romance alone, made me feel even more insecure and uncertain about the whole situation. I wanted him, in every way, but could just have him in a few. I just didn't know if it was better to have him in some ways and torture myself over the rest, or not have him at all.


    Bowties were never Cooler

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    "i know, Ren. I know,” I mumbled back when Ren said that he wasn’t a romantic guy. When I felt his lips on my cheek, I smiled. That was good enough for me, even though it wouldn’t be for Ren. But I knew he was already trying to make this work. He wanted this as much as I wanted, even though it would never work. We were complete opposites who fell in love with each other. This wasn’t a fairytale with a beautiful ending. This wasn’t a ‘and they lived happily ever after’ without trouble. This was real life, and in real life it wasn’t about the happy ending, because that didn’t exist. It was about the moments that passed while you were heading to the ending. It was about the memories, and I wanted to make memories with Ren, so that even when this would eventually crash, we would have something to think about. I didn’t want to be forgotten. I wanted Ren to remember me when he would be eighty and would be telling his grandchildren about his youth. I wanted to be part of that youth, even for a short moment.
    I slowly got up and pulled Ren with me. When we were both standing I pulled him closer to me and started to slow-dance. Even though we were outside, we could hear the music from within. It wasn’t a slow song, in fact, it was a really up-tempo song, but I didn’t care. Even without music we could dance.
    “We can make it work like this,” I whispered in his ear. “Just like we started. Spending time together.” It wouldn’t be enough for him eventually, but I hoped he would at least stay for a while.



    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.


    Reynald 'Ren' Donatello Bowen
    History || Swimming
    I was confused and even a bit disorientated. So much had happened and my brains seemed to have just shut down cmpletely. I wanted to be with Sam, in every way possible, but that weren't many ways, sadly enough, cause I wished I could have him in so many more. This could only end in disaster, and not a beautiful disaster, though it had to be because we were involved. I wanted him with me for a long time, though our days together were numbered, and it was because of me. I would be the end of this relationship, probably on a drunk night with some skank. I sighed and looked at him when he tugged on my hand, to get me up on my feet. I got up and leaned against him, while rocking back and forth in tune with his body, instead of the music. I listened to his words and nodded slowly. "Untill I get drunk and end up in bed with some random slut and ruin it all." I didn't tell him this out of selfpity. I said it because it was the truth and he had to know it. He could do this, live without sex, but I was far too weak for that. It was only a matter of time before I screwed up by screwing someone. I sighed and burried my face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Sammy." It wasn't more than a soft murmer, but he hopefully caught the words, because I meant theem with whole my heart and soul. I'd never wanne hurt him, or cheat on him, but I knew I was going to some time in the future, probably even the nearby future, and I hated myself for it. "I love you" was the last thing passing over my lips, before I let him go and sank down on the steps again. I finished my beer and stared into the distance. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, our relationship, our futures, or even tonight, but I did, I had done it, and there was no way around it. I was the jerk who was going to cheat on his boyfriend.


    Bowties were never Cooler

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    For a split second everything was okay. We were together and nobody could take that away. Nobody – except we. And that was exactly what happened.
    I wanted to tell him that it was okay, but we both knew that that was how it was gonna end eventually and I knew I couldn’t force him. He couldn’t live without sex like me. He would find other people. I would tell him it would be okay, even encourage him maybe and joke that it was alright as long as he would come back to me eventually. But as soon as he would have closed the door, I would worry, overthink everything. What if he found someone and it wouldn’t be meaningless sex anymore? Every time I knew he was away I would get sick of my own mind. I would tell him over and over again that it wouldn’t be a problem, but the truth? It would be and that was gonna break us apart eventually.
    “It’s okay, Ren. I understand,” I whispered as he let go. It wasn’t okay actually. It felt like my heart was breaking into thousands of pieces, but that wasn’t strange. This was how heartbreak felt and I knew I had to deal with it.
    His last words gave my heart one final bit of hope, but I knew that it wouldn’t be enough. Love wasn’t enough to make this work. “I love you too,” I answered softly while smiling sadly. I wasn’t even sure he would be able to hear these last words, but perhaps that was better. This was painful for both of us and I knew it was my fault. It was my duty to bear the pain and make it easier for him.
    That was how I dealt with pain all the time. I hid it, bore it alone and suffered in silence. I wouldn’t ever allow someone to get hurt because of me or to notice anything was wrong, and those two things were now happening. I hated being this vulnerable, but I hated the reason even more.



    [ bericht aangepast op 1 juni 2016 - 17:01 ]


    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.


    Reynald 'Ren' Donatello Bowen
    History || Swimming
    Sam said he understood, but he didn't, he couldn't. I felt guilty for what I was going to do. I was going to do it because it was in my nature to do it, I couldn't supress it forever, but it would rip his heart out. I smiled sadly back at him at his words. They meant a lot, too much. I couldn't leave him behind, because that would kill me, but I couldn't stay with him, because that would kill him in the future. It was a demonic dilemma. I wanted to love him and be loved by him, but it couldn't be. We might have been so hopefull at the start of this talk. It would be hard, but I was convinced we could do it. That beieve was all but brutally annihilated by my own realisations. I had an above average sexdrive and he had none at all. I only knew how to show my love fysically, while he relied on romantic non-fysical love. It was doomed to fail and I didn't want to break him. I looked up slowly and saw that I had even failed at that. Sam looked sad, sad in his expression and even worse in his stance. I hated seeing him like this, in pain and clearly trying to hide it. Most people wouldn't see it, but I did the same, so I knew where to look. I reached out to take his hand, but I let it fall down once I realised he probably didn't want anything to do with me anymore. "Can we at least stay friends? Or training buddies?" My voice was quiet, maybe too quiet, and it was a foolish request. He should hate me, send me away, never want to see me again, train at different times. I just hoped he didn't and we could at least still train together and try to wash off this situation that would turn extremely awkward extremely quickly from here on.

    [sorry voor t korte stukje]

    [ bericht aangepast op 4 juni 2016 - 22:42 ]


    Bowties were never Cooler

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    It was over. I knew that. It was time for me to wake up and forget this dream, this beautiful dream. I had enjoyed every moment of it and had become really well in ignoring the fact I was just dreaming, but just as you at some point start to realize you’re dreaming and that you need to wake up, I had started to realize it wouldn’t take long before this would be shattered too, and that moment had now arrived.
    When Ren raised his hand to take mine I stepped back, at the same moment he realized what he was doing and dropped his hand again. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to take his hand. I wanted it more than anything. I just couldn’t. If I let him take my hand, it would give me hope that we would somehow manage to get through this together. But that wouldn’t happen. This was the end of us.
    I wasn’t even sure if there had ever been an ‘us’. This was just our third date. I felt more for him than I should and he felt the same, but we hadn’t had enough time to build an ‘us’, and we would never get that time.
    “Can we at least stay friends? Or training buddies?” he asked me. Such a simple question with such a difficult answer. Yes, technically we could, but I wasn’t sure I would be able to. I wanted it so badly, but at the same time I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to see each other.
    The moment we found ourselves together on a date, we knew that this would be an option and that we had to continue after that. Train. We had been willing to accept that risk, knowing that if it didn’t work out, it would be because we didn’t like each other enough, and still being able to continue being friends. I had known this would be another option, but I hadn’t imagined I would have cared already too much about him when I had told it.
    “We can try,” was my answer therefore. “But are you sure you can handle me kicking your ass in the water?” It was – again – a weak attempt to lower the tension. I just tried to do as we used to do, before all this. I wanted to stay his friend, his training buddy.


    [Ik noem 300+ woorden zeker niet kort]


    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.


    Reynald 'Ren' Donatello Bowen
    History || Swimming
    It was hard to realise that there wasn't an 'us' and that there was never going to be an 'us'. My heart wanted it so bad, my soul begged to be united with his, but my brain was telling me to cut it off before we got too attached and made it even harder whe I finally did break this all apart. I wanted to be with him, to be his, to love him and cherrish him, but I didn't know how to love him in the way he could handle, and he couldn't love me the way I craved to be loved. This is why I tried to push him away, despite my heart screaming to put my arms around him and never let him go. I still couldn't handle leaving him completely. Our lives were too much intertwined. It took Sam quite a while to formulate an answer, but when it came, it didn't make me feel hopeful, though it made me smile weakly. "You wish, Moores. You can bite my ass while watching me win." I told him with a weak sense of strength in my voice. I didn't want to loose this, I didn't want to loose him. I sighed and stood up. "Sam. I don't know how to talk about feelings, relationships, or any of that shit. I just know I don't want to, Hell, I can't live without you. I want to be with you, all day, every day. My brain just tells me to stop this before this gets serious, before I hurt you even worse than I'm hurting you now. We're the worst match ever, but I can't help but feel this is the most important and perfect match in my life. I want to try this, I want to be with you, but I don't know how, or how this will ever work. I want you in every way you want to give yourself to me, Sam, no mater what it is. I can't loose you, no matter how bad we are for eachother. You're right if you want to avoid me for the rest of our lives, but I wanted you to know this before our ways may part forever." I took a deep breath and stared straight into his eyes. I didn't know what to do or say at this point. I could just stand here and wait for him to answer me. I had no clue what he would do or what he would say. I just hoped he woudn't leave me here all alone and never look at me ever again.


    Bowties were never Cooler

    SAM      BRIAN      MOORES
    “Everyone should be free to choose and build the type of relationship that works the best for themselves and their partner”
    21 years – Swimming – Bi-romantic/Ace - Biology - Costume


    A little smile appeared when I heard the first part of his answer. We tried to act normal, and even though it was weird now, it felt a bit normal. We knew that part. We knew what to say, how to tease each other. That’s how it used to go.
    “Don’t be sure about that. You know I’m faste-“ When he stood up, I stopped talking mid sentence. It was just the way he looked at me. He looked like I was a beautiful thing he couldn’t have, but he just kept coming back to stare at me and kept wishing. Maybe that was our situation. We couldn’t have each other but we didn’t want to admit that.
    After his words I broke our eye contact. “Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t do this to me. Heck, I want to be with you. I definitely want to be with you, spent my days with you. But before you say all this, make up your mind. Don’t come back when you know you’re going to walk away anyway. I’m not a toy, Ren. I’m a human with feelings. Yes, I want to be with you more than anything, but if we’re going to try this, I want to be sure I’m your first choice. Your only choice, instead of someone you’ll leave every time you find something more interesting. And if you can’t make that happen, don’t start about it anymore. Move on then.”
    It didn’t sound as emotionless as I had planned. I didn’t want to tell him this words, but I had to. I had to protect myself. I couldn’t bear it if he came back every time to tell me he loved me, but that we couldn’t be together. It would kill me. But knowing I would accept him every time, was maybe what hurted the most. I knew I would let him come time after time, chasing a lost dream. And that was the reason I sounded more hurt than I had planned to let him know. I was hurt and was hurting him even more.
    I didn’t want to hurt him. My heart was screaming to let him hurt me. It would be better than hurting him. I would probably even smile while he was hurting me, because that meant he was with me. But I couldn’t let that happen, so I was tearing him apart, and with every single stab, stabbing me even more.



    The purpose of a writer is to keep civilization from destroying itself.