It's Friday morning at X Factor HQ and the phone rings. So far, so normal. But this isn't just ANY call, it's our old buddies and cheeky charmers, One Direction. Several things we discovered during our chinwag with the five hotties is that all sentences must be finished with the word 'standard' and also that the lads are closet romantics at heart. After intitial heart palpitations and near fainting on our part, we regain our composure to talk mankinis, mugs and the former Miss Middleton. Standard!
Guys! Your new single is called ‘What Makes You Beautiful,’ what do you find attractive in a laydee?
Harry: Louis and I have similar tastes. Obviously, we like a girl to be attractive but it’s all about the banter – STANDARD! And I like a babe with a talent – you need to be good at something. Like tennis! Now, that’s cool. (At this point the rest of the group roll around the floor laughing like hyenas, shouting ‘Tennis? Why?!’). And if Caroline Flack is reading this, say ‘Hi’ from me. She is gorgeous!
Zayn: I look for depth. I like a looker but intelligent girls are hot. If I were to pull a celebrity it’d be Jessica Alba or Megan Fox. Either will do!
Liam: I find shy girls so cute and endearing. I don’t like girls who are all up in your face. A nice pair of peepers helps too.
Louis: A good sense of humour gets me going! It’s all about ‘The Vibe.’ That’s my catchphrase by the way! And I like a girl who keeps me on my toes. Play hard to get, girls!
Niall: I like ‘em cute but not super-sexy as that can be intimidating. I fancy Brooke Vincent from Corrie and Kate Middleton.
Have you told Simon Cowell to ditch the high-waisted trousers yet?
Louis: Ha! We haven’t addressed this issue with him yet as a band. I reckon Simon’s a trendsetter - all the male models are wearing high-waisted trousers nowadays. He’s rocking those pants!
Harry: Can I just say Simon is really funny. You don’t often see that side of him on tele. During meetings – he cracks us up with his jokes.
You’re at an all you can eat buffet – who eats the most?
(The band all shout out ‘Niall!’)
Louis: By an absolute mile it’s Niall. He is the human dustbin. The guy eats all day, every day and is as skinny as a rake.
You’ve met the girl of your dreams but only have a tenner on you – where do you take her?
Louis: Ha ha! Fellas – take her out to a restaurant that’s running a 2-for-1 deal and don’t tell her so she thinks you’re being mega generous. It’s the only way!
Niall: I’d take her to the movies
Liam: Love is all about communication so we’d go hand-in-hand on a romantic stroll through a park and I’d buy her flowers.
Zayn: I’d take it one step further. We’d park up by a cliff edge and chill on the bonnet of my car, eat a picnic and watch the sunset.
Harry: I’d cook dinner for her.
As the renowned prankster of the group, what prank has Louis the larker pulled on you?
Harry: Oh gawd. I’m always falling asleep when we’re on tour and wake up to find straws shoved up my nose.
Liam: During the X Factor tour and in the middle of a live performance, Louis jumped on Harry’s back and the pair of them ran circles around me whilst I was trying to sing. It was most distracting!
Zayn: It gets worse! Last night he poured warm water over my hand whilst I was sleeping as he heard somewhere it makes you wee yourself. It didn’t work thankfully! He’s such a doofus.
Louis: I’ve got one! I gave Liam a love bite the other night as a joke.
Niall: Grrr! Louis regularly breaks into my room and throws buckets of water over me when I’m sleeping. It's not just him though - the rest of the band played a trick on me during the tour. They all arranged to rap ‘The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’ during our live performance without telling me. They all burst out into song and I stood there like a right doughnut on stage!
Weirdest gift from a fan?
Niall: Actually the weirdest thing I’ve ever received is from Louis. He thoughtfully bought me a mug that had a photo of me on the toilet across it. You have to pour in hot water in it for the image to appear. Err, thanks mate!
Zayn: I got sent a mankini – I fully intend on wearing it when I next go swimming!
Liam: Ha ha – we all got sent portabella mushrooms with our faces painted on them!
Harry: I get sent olives for some strange reason and I HATE OLIVES!
Any X-pert advice for this year’s contestants?
Harry: Don’t be phoney! Be yourself and don't pretend be something you’re not. The public will see right through it.
Louis: Switch your songs up and don’t be afraid to go out of your comfort zone. And dress to impress. STANDARD!
Niall: Make sure you relax and enjoy it – don’t let nerves kill all the fun. And don’t be a diva - be nice to everyone who helps you as it's highly likely you'll meet them again further down the line.
But wait, there's more!
Memorable moments from 2010The cheeky chaps from Hunksville are backPssst! Tell us a secret...
Zayn: Liam has a birthmark on his neck.
Liam: I’ve only got one kidney!
Harry: Don’t tell anyone but Niall is dating Cher Lloyd! (Niall shouts out ‘It’s not true!’ whilst the rest of band rib him mercilessly).
And with that, the five loveliest boys in pop hang up and we pour ourselves a glass of cold water. Thanks guys, it's been emotional!
i'm broken, do you hear me.
12 aug 2011 - 19:01
