Trying to make myself believe

I try to make myself believe that I've had a miscarriage,
sad thing I didn't had one.
I've let them murder you.
I was your killer, I'm your mom,
your mom that wanted you here,
but no one let me...
Everyone was telling me to let you go,
even now that you're gone, they say so.
But I am your mom, I am the one who was there,
I am the one who created you.
I'm the one who let you down,
the one who wasn't there when you needed me.
I am a killer.