Chapter 29

Will you come with me?

Five little words, so many meaning. "I- uh- I don't think they want that," Grantaire muttered.

"Nonsense. They care about you. They will welcome you with arms wide open."

Grantaire wasn’t as sure about that as Enjolras seemed to be. Perhaps Enjolras hadn’t seen the looks Grantaire had gotten during the trial. Perhaps he didn’t care about it. Arguing with Enjolras when he was in a mood like this had never worked, so Grantaire didn't bother trying. And really, if Enjolras asked him to come, how could he ever say no?

And so he told Enjolras he would come. Into the lion's den, or maybe just the resting place of a moody kraken. But he would follow Enjolras to the end of the world if he needed to. He could deny it all he wanted, tell himself Enjolras hadn’t captured his attention and devotion, but it would be a lie to himself. He would follow Enjolras to the end of the world. He would definitely follow him back to Nassau.

And with accepting, there was not much to do than wait for dawn. Try to get as much sleep as possible (even though Grantaire was sure he wouldn’t close another eye this night). They put the fire out, and then they could only lie and try to sleep. With one problem: there was only one blanket.

It was strange how familiar it felt to spoon Enjolras, just so they would both fit under the blanket. Maybe it was the commotion of the day, maybe just because he had never expected to see Enjolras again, let alone hold him, but it was a strange kind of familiar.

He could feel Enjolras' breath, even more than he could hear it. He could feel the warmth of his body, the way his own was pressed against him. It wasn’t sexual, not while they were pressed together out of necessity. But it was intimate all the same.

People were made for human contact. From the moment they were born, they were designed to love and to hold. Babies cry out for their parents, a signal to have someone close to them. Toddlers point at stuff, a soft 'look at me, share this with me'. And maybe, when people grow up they stop asking for it like this. But humans are designed to love, to hold. A girl hugging her friends. A mother kissing her child on the forehead. Two lovers holding hands.

And maybe that was why it was so easy to fall asleep there with Enjolras so close by. It was an ancient design. To be close to people meant to be safe. Even when Grantaire knew that the morning would bring definitely no safety.



It was almost too easy, how the morning went. Waking up next to Enjolras, acting like they didn’t wake up next to each other. Eating the leftover berries and nuts. Having Gavroche guide them through the city, using some old tunnels. If Grantaire didn’t know any better, he would have said that Gavroche was luring them into a trap. They seemed to avoid the guards a bit too easily.

In front of a building they stopped and said their goodbye to Gavroche. Grantaire didn’t recognize the building, but Enjolras must have known it, as he opened the door and gestured for Grantaire to enter. Somehow talking outside seemed scary, like Javert could hear their voices and locate them like that.

Walking into that room full of his friends was one of the most frightening things Grantaire had ever done in his life. He had faced fights, he had faced Javert, but none of that compared to walking to his friends and facing them.

"You! How dare you show your face here," was how he was greeted - together with a gun pointed at him.

"Ép…" he tried to talk, but he was quickly shut off.

"No, don’t try to 'Ép' me. I don't want to hear it. I thought we were working on the same plan. I thought we were friends, R! And after everything we've been through, you must go and betray all of us like that?"

Grantaire swallowed. Everyone from Les Amis was looking at him, with emotions changing from sad to very mad. And even though it was Éponine who was speaking to him, she spoke what everyone thought. Traitor.

He had no defense, as her words were as true as they could be. He had hurt her, he had betrayed her. There was no denying that.

"I- I-" he started, still at a loss for words.

"He did exactly as I asked him," he heard behind him. Grantaire hadn’t even noticed Enjolras had finally decided to join them.

"Enjolras!" Combeferre exclaimed. "You're here! After you disappeared after the trial, we were worried they got you again."

Enjolras shook his head. "No, I first came to find Grantaire."

"But why?" A rude question of Bahorel perhaps (but Grantaire could see the murder in his eyes), but one Grantaire had wanted to ask himself. Why would Enjolras try to find him? He wasn’t the Traitor everyone thought him to be, but he never had seen himself as very useful either.

"Because he has suffered enough for his help."

"Didn’t you hear him during the trial?" Courfeyrac asked, like Grantaire wasn't in the same room and he couldn’t hear him.

"He told everyone what I asked him to tell."

Silence.

Grantaire had never known a way to get the entire crew of the Mussain quiet. They were usually loud, always talking, sometimes whispering. But right now, there was no sound at all.

He stood there awkwardly, waiting for anyone to react. It somehow cost the crew more time to process that Grantaire wasn’t a traitor, or only one on demand, than it had taken them to process he was actually betraying their plan.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Joly was the first to talk. He sounded devastatingly heartbroken. He was the first to actually address Grantaire.

“Because Enjolras asked me not to,” was the answer. Because Enjolras wants it. And if he wants it, he gets it. It wasn’t a real explanation, or maybe it was because Joly nodded like he understood. He still looked a bit hurt.

“But what is the current state of events?” Enjolras asked, brisk as ever. He had come here with a mission, and he needed to focus on that mission. Grantaire felt like he and his friends needed more time to reconcile, but it was time they didn’t have. With Javert going on a witch hunt there was no time. Every second Javert got his troops more together. Every second Javert's reinforcement came closer to the city. Because that was something Combeferre could tell with confidence: Javert had asked for more men to sweep the city clean. The time of ‘we wait for a misstep and then we strike’ was over. Now it was man to man, law to pirate.

While Enjolras, Combeferre and the others went to work, Grantaire sat back and watched. He was no strategic mastermind like Enjolras or Combeferre. He hadn’t had the contacts Joly and Courfeyrac had, or the mind to see and question details like Musichetta. He hadn’t had the brute manpower of Bahorel, who just wanted to know where he could be placed. He would take ten soldiers at once, and win.

So he just took a beer and let the others discuss everything. Who heard what, and why and where? It wasn’t his place, and judging by the way Bahorel shot him looks all the time, they wouldn’t trust his opinion any way.

One beer turned into two, two into three. The discussion got more heated, the arguments why something would work, or wouldn’t, got louder and louder. It was a good thing the house was in a pretty busy area, where noise would always drown out their voices.

But in the middle of it all was Enjolras. Grantaire had seen the man in many situations, when planning their next trip, when being isolated from the world, even when in private. But right here, in the midst of the chaos, like a buoy in the water was Enjolras. The light, the stability inside of chaos, the one who would have the answers, who could organize this mess. It seemed to fit him like a cloak, this position. Grantaire had seen him while addressing the crowd, and how well it had fit him. But seeing him here, he suddenly realized the real danger of that smile of his.

And when the path was laid down, people started to leave the place. To mobilize their acquaintances, to give out the orders, to hide until their next meetup. Javert had called out a lockdown, and groups consisting of more than three people were strictly forbidden (especially if you were meeting with enemy of the state number one).

It left Grantaire alone with Enjolras, Courfeyrac and Combeferre. It wasn’t like he had a place to go, but to crash with the two men.

“Come Grantaire, let’s make dinner,” Courfeyrac said. Combeferre and Enjolras were still huddled over a paper, so Grantaire was left with nothing else to do than follow Courfeyrac.

“I’m sorry,” he said. There was nothing else to say.

“It hurt, I won’t deny that,” Courfeyrac said. He filled a pot with water, and gave Grantaire some vegetables to cut. “I didn’t want to believe it. None of us did, really. But your words spoke for themselves, just as Enjolras’ reaction. He really seemed to be shocked too.”

“Then he’s a very good actor.”

“No he isn’t. You are. You really seemed to hate him there. All of us were fooled. And all of us hated you for it.”

“I doubt they have forgiven me.” Because even when Grantaire hadn’t been kicked out (or kicked in any other way), Les Amis hadn’t felt as warm and welcoming as he had met the crew. Even when he had been a prisoner, had been the one to defy them, they hadn’t felt this cold and distant.

“Give them time, they will come around.”

“And you? Will you come around?” Because there was no denying even their distance.

Courfeyrac sighed. “I know you don’t deny Enjolras anything easily. And if he asked you to keep it quiet, he had his reasoning. In the end, he’s always the only one to see the bigger picture. And yet-” He shook his head, like he was trying to stop himself.

“And yet you wish I had told you,” Grantaire concluded for him.

Courfeyrac nodded. “Yes.”

Grantaire nodded too. He had nothing to say to that, as he understood Courfeyracs wish. If the situation had been different, if it had been Courfeyrac who had to keep up his mask, then Grantaire would have wished for the exact same thing. To just be that one person they wanted to confide in. But Enjolras had said to tell no one, so Grantaire hadn’t told anyone.

“What will happen now?” Grantaire asked. He had passed the vegetables to Courfeyrac, who had started to make a soup.

“Now they will find the perfect moment to make a move. We will spread the word, tell the people to rise up. And together we will stand strong.”

“You sound confident.”

"With Enjolras leading us, how can I not be? If we don't believe we can change Nassau, can defeat Javert and free the town, how can we ask other people to follow us into battle?"

Battle was where this was going, there was no denying it. They were no longer just pirates, just attacking a ship. Even then the stakes had been high, but right now the stakes were even higher. The final battle, or so it felt. The final boss, the final step.

After this Nassau's fate would be decided. Would they go back to being the state's pet, or would they live freely, a place where any outcast could be safe?

Food was eaten in silence. They had the rule not to talk about the revolution during dinner, as it would attract bad luck. But most of the rest had been discussed before, and now there was only food.

It felt like a repeating of the days: eat and sleep. Eat and sleep. Combeferre had gotten Enjolras and Grantaire some blankets, but they only had one mattress to share. It almost had become a habit, them sleeping in the same bed. Grantaire could almost not imagine how he would ever sleep again without Enjolras' pressed against him.

And yet he didn’t know how to behave around Enjolras. Sleeping in the same bed felt so comfortable. Being around him felt like he was flying high. Always knowing there was a risk of falling, but taking that risk any way.

And feeling Enjolras' arm around him, it made it so easy to melt into the embrace, and act like that was all there was.

And when Enjolras seemed to melt to, it was also so easy to lift his head, until their faces were merely centimeters apart. And when they looked into eachother's eyes, it felt so easy to close that distance once again, until their lips met.

The morning after it felt easy to act like it had never happened. They went on eating, planning, or in Grantaire’s case just listening, until night fell. Then their lips found each other, then they held each other like no one had and loved each other like there was no tomorrow. They both knew that could happen any day.