The End

I kept thinking and with every second I was closer to letting a tear drip down. After what seemed like 2minutes I was full on crying in my dressing room.
I didn't know if anyone could hear me but I didn't care. I started throwing flashbacks in the scenes that where playing in my head,
flashbacks of the first time meeting Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Bob,
the first time trying to play a song with them and failing so hard that we bursted out in laughter,
the first time we recorded something and how proud we where even though it sounded like shit,
The first show we ever played together and the 20$ we got out of that...

The thought of all of this made me happy but yet I only started sobbing more and more. After trying to calm down for what seemed like ages, actually was 20 minutes in reality. I stood up and went to grab my guitar... For the last time, and that's exactly what I thought every time I did something.

I grabbed my stage clothes and putted them on for the last time,
I tuned my guitar to fit the first song we where gonna play for the last time,
I made sure that my eyeliner was still looking good for the last time,
But most importantly,
I ran down the halls and knocked on the first dressing room I saw besides mine which was labelled Gerard's.
The red haired boy opened the door as he always did and greeted me in with a hug.
I normally said the title of the first song we where gonna play and he would secure me of that I was right but before I could say anything my eyes started to water again. Gerard pulled me against him one more time in order to try and comfort me, which kind of worked.
He letted go of me and started talking:

"It's okay, we will still see each other,you know. But we can't go on forever..." His soft voice faded as he wanted to start a new sentence.
"We all wanna do something different and if we are gonna keep sticking together nobody will like the out coming product"
Gerard seemed calm but deep in his eyes I thought I could see a spark of regret, or it was just me wanting to see it.
I knew he was right about the most stuff he said because he always is but as much as I didn't wanna believe it I couldn't disagree with him.
"I know" I muttered out looking at the dirty ground which looked like it hadn't been cleaned since the past century and gave the room a strong and displeasing smell

I tryed to continue explaining that I don't want this to end but all that I could bring out was stuttered Thank You followed by a barley out spoken I Love You.
With that said Gee's eyes lit up but stayed silent until turned around to leave the room and putted my had on the doorknob. When I twisted the knob in order to leave the room I felt a friendly hand on my shoulder and Gerard's soft voice saying: "I love you too, man"

I left the room and normally I would look and find Mikey's room to go and annoy him but all I could think of is how I stole 'How To Kill A Mockingbird' out of his book collection so I came to the thought of giving it back. I ran back to my dressing room and grabbed the book out of my suitcase sprinted back to Mikey's room And knocked on the big, painted gray door leading to The inside of Mikey's dressing. Mikey opened the door and letted me in, he sat on the little couch which was placed in all of our rooms and looked at me like he felt the same as me. I knew he wasn't really the first to show a lot of feelings but the look in his eyes and the way he letted me in a few seconds ago was enough to tell that he had a hard time too. I stood in front of him with the book behind my back not saying anything yet.

"I have something for you" I said trying to not cry because that would only make the situation more awkward.
I showed the book to Mikey and then opened it up revealing his name written in the handwriting of himself to prove him it was actually his.
After I did so Mikey stood up as well, he wrapped his long and slim arms around me saying a simple "Thanks" before sitting back down with the book in his hands and giving me a friendly smile before I walked away and out of the room.

I wanted to go to the room of Ray but fast I remembered that I have nothing to say to him but I knocked on the door anyway.
"Come in" a slightly deepened voice replied to the knocking of my own hand. I came in and started talking, even though I didn't know what to say.
"Thank you...I know it was hard for you and the rest for that same matter but you always kept your cool and I know I wasn't the most friendly and serious to work with and I was stubborn and egoistic but you acted like it was no big deal but it was, I was, I should've never been in the band in the first place because you could've done it on your own, you never needed me and I was..." I rattled out without taking breath in between, I stopped talking because Ray started.

He said he totally disagreed with anything I said and that I was better of in the band because couldn't have done it without me. After a speech of about 8 minutes I suppose he letted me out and walked with me back to my dressing room, sat me down on the couch and told me to try and get some distraction. Only a few seconds after he said that he left, not leaving a single sign that he was here.

I started thinking about what he said, to get some distraction. I looked around the room trying to find something to do.
I saw a couple of things:
My closed suitcase with random shit on top of it,
My Black Parade jacket hanging on a hanger because I still take it with me,
Some Gerard, Ray and Mikey dolls that are some of the random stuff on top of my suitcase,
A very old note and sketch book filled with a lot of song lyric ideas, costume/outfit ideas for Danger Days and some strange doodles Gerard drew
And a pocket knife I left on the table after I cutted a label out of my new shirt

Ray said to get some distraction...
He didn't say how...