Rivendell
Rivendell
Laatst online: -
Voornaam:
Mara
Status:
Woonplaats:
Nowhere
Leeftijd:
29
Hobby's:
Upsetting people I care about..
Website:
-
Vorige namen:
lijst
"There is too much to escape from.
But nowhere to escape to."
~ I want to live again. Not in this half-life. I want to be really alive. I want to feel my heart pumping in my chest again. I want to feel my blood moving through me - Hot, and salt, and real. It's weird, you don't think you can feel it, the blood, but believe me, when it stops flowing, you'll know. ~
Corsara del Cuore
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
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Gastenboek (165)
Oh, alright, then. If you say so.
1 decennium geledenYou might be right about that, but I have no idea how to be my own motivation. It's hard to motivate yourself when you hate basically everything about yourself.
That was fun, I hope c: I've always wanted to go to Paris, but not as much as I've always wanted to go to London c: There is need to rewrite, because everything I wrote before isn't good enough in my eyes. I've got a better idea now. No matter how long I might not write 'The Untold Story of R.A.B.', I know that I'll always continue, because I've already planned a sequel and even a bit of a sequel after that one. It's going to be a trilogy, haha.
I understand that, but try to make the most of it. I don't understand all the fuss about birthdays either -- you're just one day older than you were the day before, why is that a reason to party? -- but having fun is healthy and what better day to do so than your birthday? Of course I have to. You're my friend and I love you, I'll give you something. It won't be that special, but I'm sure you'll like it.
I love you.
Mara! Hoe is het?
1 decennium geledenIt's good that you think about yourself. You should.
1 decennium geledenOh, wow. I'm so sorry. That is truly awful. I wish I could really be there for you... That is important, and I'd like to hear whatever you wish to say.
The mess might just have gotten even bigger. I'll figure it out, eventually. I just need to find something to motivate me or something. I don't feel strong enough to figure it out yet.
I am so glad I've got four days without school! It's crazy, I've had holiday two weeks ago and I was still looking forward to these four days so much! I'm busy sorting out my 'dreamcast' for 'The Untold Story of R.A.B.' now and then I'm going to rewrite the bits I already had, because I felt like they weren't good enough. I feel like writing today. I am excited to really write again. I hope I can surprise you with a couple of chapters soon c:
Oh, now that I mention surprises; it's almost your birthday! Don't think I forgot, it's in my agenda c: I have an idea as to what I will give you for your birthday and I think you will like it c:
I love you.
You are way too forgiving, dear. But that's alright, because I love you.
1 decennium geledenFor that, I love you. You need to think about yourself as well, though. Because you're just as important as I am, if not more.
Me being a part of it means I need to be up to date. So if you could fill me in on everything I missed when I was gone, I'd appreciate that. I want to know what's been going on with you, no matter what it was. Don't think it's boring or too much, because I want to know everything. I care about you.
I added your number to my phone, though I'm not sure if I'll ever text you. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm cautious with strangers on the internet. My parents taught me to be cautious, so I am. Though I do love you.
Okay, I'm going to keep you up to date with my feelings now, too. If only to sort them out for myself. This morning, I thought today was going to be great. I was cycling to school and the sun was shining, I felt kind of good. School was alright, up until lunch time. I don't know exactly why, but my feelings turned around. At the end of school, I felt like dying. Not like 'oh, I wish I was dead because he won't reply to my text', but like 'I want to fucking die, because I don't want to live another second'. Then I had to cycle home with Linah and Bas, like I always do on tuesdays. I wanted to step off my bike and onto the railroad every second, but I resisted the urge. Then I drove straight over to Claudia's and collapsed into her arms crying. She didn't really know what to do with me, but she was there and that was enough. I spent the afternoon with her and now I feel kind of alright.
I love you.
Hello, dear.
1 decennium geledenHere I am, once again, returning to you after being away for months. I could tell you how very sorry I am, again, but I don't think it means anything to you anymore. I could also explain the reasons of my absence, but to be perfectly honest; I don't even know all of them. I guess I have just been busy.
I probably won't be on regularly, but I'll try to be on more than I was in these past few months. I hope you'll be here to talk to, as I will be here to listen to you.
I'd understand it if you didn't forgive me, or didn't want to talk to me anymore, though I very much hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.
Love.