PlagueRat

There is an ocean in my heart
hidden behind eyes of celadon
it beckons at nighttime
a siren’s song I must obey

The water reflects my image
The dazzling light of the setting sun
blinding, binding me in place
fear lapping around my ankles
as the waves pull me in
erasing my footprints in the sand

The last light of day lures the night to fall
shrouding the land in darkness
This is the sunset of my life
no stars will shine tonight

Wading into the ocean
I let it carry me
It cradles me in its streams
The last sunlight glitters above me
fireflies of broken light
rendering me in a daydream

My laughter bubbles around me
legs turned fins in the sea
They carry me to ocean’s floor
to coral reef, to fish and more
I play with seals, swim with turtles
here in the sea there are no hurdles
To be a mermaid means to be free
unlike on earth, I get to be me

The daydream ends and I can’t breathe
Once more I find myself in the suicide of sanity
Air escapes my lungs I struggle
fighting, reaching for the surface
Darkness wraps around my wrists
around my ankles, up my legs
I give in to the pull of the endless depth

Words fill my lungs, my throat
Unspoken, they take away my breath
The whirlpool of my thoughts
drowns me out, drags me down
And I am lost at the bottom of the ocean

Heaviness embraces me, keeping me down
Here in silent loneliness my heart is laid to rest
Comfortable numbness washes over me
Not feeling means no sadness, means no pain
Only me and the empty haze around my Self

The last spheres of air escape my mouth
Slowly blinking, I am suspended in the dark
It holds me like a lover, softly kissing my skin
Caresses of death drawing crimson lines
Rubies dripping from my fingers into the night
Marred white skin riddled with scars screaming for help
yet only the silence whispers back - I am alone.

In solitude I wake to the agonizing reality of life
Limbs still heavy with the weight of the ocean
It feels like a destiny of misery is laid out for me
But to bleed means to live and to live means to fight
For there is beauty waiting around every corner

In the graveyard of pain and sorrow
at the grave of my depression
I plant my roots deep into the black soil
The dark, the misery, I let them feed me
They will not keep me down

I am the weeping willow that will weather any storm
I may weep and I may cry, my ocean may never dry
But my rustling leaves sing a song of fortitude and hope
The night may be long and scary, dreary
But the sun will always rise again in the morning
And I shall bask my branches in its warmth.