the truth of betrayal from a diseased heart.
Tekst:
yesterday i got into a fight with hannes in the hotel's elevator after the show. he ended up throwing me and i hit my head. he got angry and then the manager went in to talk to him to the hotel room that i paid for. my boyfriend never came out to check on how i was and he changed ever since the manager spoke to him. i argued with the manager for over an hour and he wanted me to leave and not speak to my boyfriend while i'm in a public 'hotel' that they barely paid for and i was allowed to be there. i ended up hitting the manager and one of the workers that was over to party ended up grabbing me by my hair and pulling me to the elevator. he slammed my head in nonstop into the elevator and kept hitting me while i was on the ground. when i finally ran to see my boyfriend, he didn't want to speak to me and just ignored me when i told him what happened. that they kept hitting me. i left him things he gave me and then i got arrested. before i got arrested, i sat in the hallway screaming for him and while i was being hit. he never came out. everyone else ignored me. i could have died and he wouldn't have cared.
when the police came, i begged for them to speak to him and see me. at least speak for me.
they went to go see him and he pretended as if he didn't know me and wanted nothing to do with me.
so i went with the police and went to the station. everyone felt like crying for me there and they took me to a hotel. i went to the hotel with bruises and cut marks all over my body. i had a cigarette with the policewoman and it comforted me and made my heart cry at the same time when she told me that my boyfriend was scum just like the rest of the worthless men and people in this world. that i deserve better.
as much as i still ignore it and wish i could go back to berlin just to be with him...
i can't. not this time. this is unforgivable. i shouted my helplessness to him and he fed me to them.
he betrayed me.
he left me in warsaw without knowing if i was fine or bothering to contact me where i was.
this is where i leave him.
i believed in him and i loved him and i was wrong to.
i'm now with family in warsaw, i'm forbidden to see him again as i also forbid myself.
if i thought about it without just remembering what had happened, i would kill myself.
i would do so because he was all i wanted, all i wished for, and nothing else in my life meant more than he did to me. i tried as much as i could and gave him as much as i could.
in the end, he is a selfish and filthy person that cannot hold my heart ever again.
i'm ashamed for wasting my time with him. i should have never accepted him.
i will not be coming back to berlin.
he betrayed me and i know one day he'll relize his mistake. i do not love him anymore, nor do i care for him. if i could ask a favor from you, could you please tell him to do what he wants to do with my things, i don't need them anymore. i left his jackets somewhere for good and anything of his i'm throwing away.
i wish there were people with a heart... because i don't know where mine is anymore.
Vanessa.
[ bericht aangepast op 13 nov 2009 - 21:47 ]
live your dream