I don't know how to get out

I felt how my insides crumbled,
how I couldn't keep the
tiny bits together any longer.

The more they broke off,
the more the urges came back,
making every day a struggle.

Now I can't get out of my room,
or talk to anybody, without
shaking and getting teary-eyed.

Behind my skin and in between
my bones and cells a
confused chaos is unfixable.

I have no idea how to get
myself to do anything. I don't know
how to make myself better.

Honestly I think I won't be able
to fix myself this time and I'm so
afraid I'll destroy myself instead.

Blades and pills and sleepless
nights are always waiting for me
and maybe I should just give in.

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