Falling in love
Falling in love
It started with a kiss, a kiss from a guy I was so in love with. So in love, every other guy became invisible to me. I loved every moment with him, even when he kept asking for sex. Sex, every young girls downfall. You can’t image the pressure it puts on one. To have sex, or not to have sex. It will happen eventually, but when?
The young me was naive, very naive. She didn’t question things, but just followed. Like a lamb. A lamb that was heading to the slaughter house. Cause he broke my heart and he didn’t seem to care that he did.
It started with a party, a party at which i was supposed to have fun with my friends. Yet there was an other one. Staring at me. I didn’t think much of him, but he made me think.
That maybe there are good guys and maybe he could make me happy. And he did, for a while.
But having no direct goals in life, no education and still living with his parents turned out not to turn me on. He was a sweet guy. He really loved me. I just didn’t love him.
It started by feeling alone. I felt so alone. My heart in pieces. He kept me company. That was all, but I loved his parents so much, maybe a little too much. They were the parents I never had. I enjoyed their company more than his.
He told me he would kill himself, if we would break up. I didn’t care.
So do it, i said. He didn’t.
It started as friends, the friend you thought would be there forever. The friend you loved, so very much. The friend that would do everything to make you happy, the friend that had no clue. I really loved him.
I felt save. I felt he could teach me about the world. He was smart, very smart.
It seemed he could conquer the world. Eventually, it became his downfall.
It started with a chat, a chat that made him interesting. Interesting enough to secretly date each other. I should have never started it.
He told others we were an item, I denied. I told others we were an item, he denied. Even though i can’t really remember anything good of it, it was the longest relationship i had.
He was a nice guy, he really tried.
It started with a question. He asked if he could come home with me. In said no. I never thought of him in that way, but i was lonely and so eventually the no became a yes.
It was fun. Great fun. He was so sweet, i didn’t realize there were boys like that.
He showed me I deserved better. He showed me i could get better.
I didn’t think i could fall in love again. I did.
He choose himself over me. Falling in love changed to falling down, hard.
Hard enough that the scar made me think.
I need to change.
It started with a conversation. A pleasant one. He made me feel comfortable.
He really wanted me and i missed that feeling.
It started again,
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