Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hamish was staring at himself in the mirror, a staring-contest he could never win.
There were so many things he could never win.
Like the fact that he could never win his father back.
Today his father died a year ago, due to a heart attack.
His dad tried to safe him but he failed, Hamish knew that his dad would never forgive himself for that.
But the truth is, that there was nothing that could’ve saved father, it was God’s will.
At least that is what dad always tells him, Hamish knew that father would’ve hated that dad told him about God or any other higher power.
For father there was no higher power, apart from himself that is.
But father wasn’t here to correct dad, so Hamish had to put up with his dad’s speeches about God.
Dad didn’t talk about father half as much as Hamish thought he would, because he loved father so dearly.
But then again, Hamish was never told that this wasn't the first time that dad had lost father.
Only now it was forever, dad was there when father died, he saw how his pulse died.
He was there, no tricks or anything like that, not this time.

Hamish played with his cufflinks when tears appeared in his eyes, he looked away from the mirror.
He couldn’t stand seeing himself with tears in his eyes, or even worse; actually crying.
Dad always told him that feelings were nothing to be afraid off, when it came to feelings he was a real Holmes-boy, he hated feelings and had a lot of difficulties dealing with them.
Though he was confronted with them all the time, even more since his father died.
He found himself crying an awful lot and if he wasn’t, dad was.

They tried to take care of one another, the best way they could.
Hamish was 19 but he still lived at home and he wasn’t planning on moving out, he was quite sentimental, just like his dad and he had nobody that he could move in with, he wasn’t asexual but he was terrified of love, just like his father before he met his dad.

“Ham, are you alright?”
His dad had entered the room without knocking, Hamish was surprised by his appearance.
“I am fine dad.” He answered, though it wasn’t entirely the truth.
“I have got to tell you something Hamish, it is quite important you know…”
Hamish could hear hesitation in his dad’s voice, he was worried that what he was going to hear could be very bad news.
“Yes?”