Sue's Corner #4- Musicals

I’m gonna cut right to the chase and say it: I hate musicals. Whether it be something that’s been nominated for a Tony like the play about stereotypical Mormons that go and save an impoverished area down in some African land where AIDs sprouts up more than a sexually-rendezvous teenage boy with nothing but a few bucks in his pockets and he’s in a book store, or an original play about Oklahoma. Seriously, who wants to see a show about one of the worst states of all time? Right up there with Texas and Michigan (because if you have the ‘Great Lakes’, you’d expect the state to be less crappy. But ironically, I’m wrong).

Sure, the talent can be tolerable. Dancing and acting and, Madonna forbid, singing, a musical can come together to push boundaries and make a generation move forward in civilization. “Hairspray”. Basically, if you put the MLK Jr. “I Have a Dream” speech and made a song out of it, it’d be this musical, but with overweight white women that dream of making it big. Well, let me tell ‘ya something: the only thing big that’s ever going to come of you is the big chance that you’re gettin’ diabetes if you continue to eat half-eaten donuts from the teachers’ lounge, filled with pedophiles and men just dying to make you blow your rape whistle. Or the other way around.

Or, you could spread a song about “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” where everyone apparently is transgender, pushes boundaries about letting you give yourself up to insanity and just start divulging in a luxurious orgy that takes place in your own bathtub. I’m all for equality when it comes to wanting to express love, but does everyone on Earth have to be attracted to one another? Please, for the love of all that’s good, someone bring in Will Schuester and his “great ideas” to tone down the musical just enough so he can lust over the Adult Wendy’s Girl while they strip down to nothing but Photoshop.

The point is, I could care less about what a musical is teaching kids. Showtunes are yesterday’s past. Can we please move forward into the future and get our kids listening to something from the past that influences the future? Madonna, Katy Perry, even Lady Bieber all showed us that equality is everything, because of their strong, women-empowerment and their justice to want to try and respect the people of their same gender.

Throw out all musicals, and let’s just listen to the car radio. I’m sure that’ll be enough torture for your kids already, having to deal with the living horror that they know Broadway is still alive.

And that’s how Sue C’s it.