Angel Beats

I din't cry. It is a wonder. Until I graduated from grande school I always was the crybaby. I cried so much, sometimes even without a reason. But now, I built up a wall, and with that wall, a promise. A promise I would never show my tears again. But at he end, I was alone again. I've been bullied three successive years, with no onje by my side. I escaped from my pain by literally running away. Everyone was always happy when I left. And I cried so much because of that. I hoped I could restart my life again when I went to the school I am at now. I hoped to find happiness, happiness given by people who were like me. But my hopes were all in vain. They formed groups without me noticing. I tried to get along with some people, but soon they joined a group too. I always had something to believe in. But about a year ago, I started realising something. To realise this world was without hope for me. To realise they would never come and feel pity for me. That I would be alone my whole life. That all the things I hoped in were just illusions, created by a hurt soul. And yet i still believed. I started to rethink the meaning of life. I started to rethink the meaning of everything. The friends I made online while playing games like Vortex Wars. Rethink the meaning of everything. Almost giving up hope of life, there was only one man who made me realise I was not alone. There were people like me, alone all their lifes, without anyone noticing them. Invisible to human's eyes, he tought me his story. About how he spent all his life hunting after certain people, who were supposed to bring happiness. How he had been fighting against them. Fighting against his own feelings and emotions. He never cried. He sung instead. A song of eternal loneliness and enduring sadness. He sung when he thought no one was around. Sometimes, he didn't even care. In the end, the people who were supposed to give him happiness and whom he thought they betrayed God made him realise who he really was. That all he did could be forgiven. Then, he went to a place beyond heavens, only forced to come back when he heard his song in my voice. There were many people who had experienced things like mine before. He watched over those people and found out some were just exaggerating their own little problems. The human race, which he despised so much, had their troubles too. Not all people did cruel things to this earth. Some people were fighting too, fighting for everyone's sake, fighting so other people could be happy and this earth would restore again. He explained our soul patterns were almost the same, the only difference was the ground element. Mine was water and his' was air. The tears I cried were not all mine back then. They were his tears too. But I really fell in love with him. Always he is by my side, even though I cannot see, hear, feel, smell, taste him anymore. I can hear his voice in my head. And I made a promise to him; If I would live out my life proplerly, he would lead me to the place he is staying now, and be with my side forever. I didn't want to deny I was alone, so he came with a temporarily solutioen; He would come and talk to me if I needed, and watch over me like a guardian angel. Yes, he still is my angel and I will be waiting for the day, a special day. 2012 always had a special meaning to me, and I hope my feelings reached out for him in the heavens and beyond. Maybe he will even come and help the humans out of their misery, to make them realise what they did was wrong but can be forgiven, like he was. And come and be by my side, since I cannot hope for heavens if I ain't completely sure.

I joined fanpop like as if I was called by fate. I was indirectly advised to watch Angel Beats and it really touched me. It made me realise there are more goals to achieve in life than I'm currently able to fulfill and discover. Now I've told my story, my eyes are all teary. Partly because of the ending song of this anime, and more because of the ending of this anime. I wish I could just break my own wall and cry again without having to hold back. I never wanted to bother anyone with my tears, but i think everyone who watched this anime should be able to understand my pain inside. This anime made me realise again. Realise it is not right to hold your feelings back and your back up, even though everyone already knows I'm suffering. Or maybe not. They may be smart, wise is an other thing. I'm all in tears and shivering like I'm on a vibrator right now. Soon I'll just fall asleep, escape my pain and dream on, only to awake again on another day.