I like you more than you think...

Today was the day I was going to move again. My parents decided to move back to Canada and I was forced to move back with them until I was old enough to decide where I wanted to live.

I finally grew fond of the place although I could still notice the cultural differences so I was sad.
I didn’t understand why we had to move to Canada so soon. We just came here 3 years ago and I had to say goodbye to my friends today. It didn’t really bother me because I never had really close friends here though.
However, there was one thing that made me feel miserable. I had to say goodbye to the person I started to like more than just a friend. The person who didn’t judge me by my looks, the person who helped me learn the Korean culture, the person who made me laugh whenever I felt down...
He will probably forget me soon after I leave.

I had my farewell party yesterday at the karaoke bar and properly said my goodbyes to some friends so I could leave immediately after school. My train would go in a half-hour.

All my belongings where already on the plane and my parents went two days before me so I only had a bag with the things I needed for the last days I stayed here in Gwangmyung. I walked slowly to the station and arrived 20 minutes early.

I sighed as I sat down on a bench with my bag in my lap. I couldn’t find the person I wanted to say my last goodbyes to the most at school, so I left.
I stared at the ground as I waited silently for the train to come. I was thankful that the station was almost empty so I could be alone. I promised myself not to cry until I arrived at my new home but I could feel the tears sting in my eyes.
I never had the guts to confess my feelings to him. I was insecure, not really that pretty so I could never bring myself to actually say that I liked him out loud. But today when I woke up, I decided that today was different. I at least wanted him to know that I liked him more than friends even though I would leave… But he wasn’t at school, the day I finally decided to be brave, he called sick. I was somehow relieved but deep down disappointed to the extend of crying my eyes out.

I swallowed as I tried my best not to cry in public. I knew that it wasn’t something to be extremely sad and devastated about, but why did it hurt so much? I am only 16 years old, how would I know? Somehow it all just happened.
I exhaled deeply, 7 more minutes to go and I will probably never see him again…
6 more minutes…
5 minutes…

“Is it okay if I sit here?”
I nodded at first, and it took some time for me to realize the soft voice was familiar.
I frowned as I looked beside me to see him gently smiling at me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked surprised.

“Didn‘t I promise to see you off yesterday?”
I frowned and thought for a while. “Did you?”
“I thought I did… anyway, I wanted to see you off.”
He looked a little pale and I could tell he had a slight fever.
My heart was beating fast… he was here, so I was going to tell him right?
But I had no idea how.
“Are you all right?” I asked him when he started coughing.
He nodded and we went silent for a while.
3 more minutes…

“I‘m going to audition for SM.”
I looked at him and smiled widely.
“Really?! You‘re definitely going to make it! I‘m sure they‘ll love you!”
He also smiled at me. “Thanks Hana.”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you for supporting me. You made me realize that only I can decide what I want to do with my life.”
That was a big compliment right? My face so feels hot, I hope he doesn‘t notice.
“I-I should thank you”. You really helped me when I just came to Korea.”
At that moment my train came and I stood up.
“Tell me how it went alright?”
He nodded. I hesitantly stepped off the platform into the train.
Then I turned around.
“Jinki-ah…”

He looked at me, waiting for what I was going to say.
I took a deep breath and then spoke in English.

“… I like you more than you think…”

The doors closed and the train started to move.
His facial expression was hard to read but I think I confused him big time.

~

I groaned as I rolled to the other side of my bed.
I stared at the wall blankly with dissatisfaction written all over my face.
My brain just had to make me dream about that particular day AGAIN.
I lay down on my stomach with my face pressed in my pillow.
“Are you serious? That was the best thing you could come up with? I like you more than you think?!”

Well that was embarrassing…