Santana Lopez

Season 1

Kurt: Can we talk about the giant elephant in the room?
Santana: Your sexuality?

Santana: While you were playing house, Puck was sexting me.
Quinn: Sexting?
Santana: Sexy texting, seriously what era are you from?"

Artie: We assumed it was you.
Santana: Why would I do that?
Kurt: To get back at Puck, aren't you guys dating?
Santana: Sex is not dating?

Rachel: Can I ask you guys something?
Santana: Yes, you should move to Israel.

Santana: Why are we playing this game? We all know it was Puck
Puck: Back Off. I Diden't do It.

Santana: (To Mercedes,Abouth Puck) Enjoy it while you can, Weezy. His hair's starting to grow back.

Season 2

I'm like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me or else I can't digest my food.

If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team.

Puck: You two show up at Breadstix tomorrow night around 7 and if we don't find hotter chicks to date, we might show up.
Santana: (Flirty) You are so cool.

Wait, something’s definitely wrong. Why isn’t Rachel talking?

Puck: I flex my left pec, then I flex my right pec, and I say to the guy, ‘Leggo my Eggo.’ And you know what he does? He lets go of my Eggo!
Santana: You should be our nation’s president.
Puck: (Smiles) Mabey.

Puck: I'm Finn Hudson, I'm quarterback of the football team.
Santana: I'm Rachel Berry, his loud, annoying girlfriend.

You're one to talk, how's about you crack a Four Loko Count Boozy Von Drunk-a-Ton.

(Abouth Rachel)Here she goes, making me regret voting for her.

Santana: The truth about what?
Dave: None of your business, J Lo.
Santana: First of all, anything you do became my business when you decided to toss that slushie up in my grill.
Dave: I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl.
Santana: Ha. See here's whats gonna go down. Two choices: you stay here and I crack one of your nuts,right or left, that's your choice, or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also? I have razor blades hidden in my hair. Mhmm. Tons, just all up in there.
Dave: [reluctantly walks away]
Blaine: We could have handled that.
Santana: It was more fun doing it together.

Season 3


Nah na na let me tell you how its gon be... if I may..when I look at someone, I don't see someone who looks a certain way or has this or that amount of chromosomes. I just see someone who I may or may not have to destroy.So if you ever tell me what to do I will END you!


(To Finn Abouth Blaine) Every time he opens his dream boat acapella mouth, you're just itching to kick him right in the Warblers.



Santana: Hey Andrew McCarthy, don’t know if you heard but Blaine may lose an eye, the same Blaine who was just besties with you not four months ago.

Trent: Wait, are you serious, is he gonna be okay?

Santana: Well sure, if he doesn’t care about seeing in three dimension.

Sebastian: Trent, I got this. Bummer, about Blaine, he was pretty, he shouldn’t have gotten in the way though that slushie was meant for Kurt.

Santana: You may look, like the villain out of a cheesy 80’s high school movie, but you should know that I’m fully prepared to go all Danny LaRusso on your ass. Admit you put something in that slushie, what was it, huh, glass, asphalt?

Sebastian: Red dye number 6.

Santana: You’re a liar.

Sebastian: She questioned by honor. I demand satisfaction in Warbler tradition.

Santana: You wanna have a duel? Cello guys can you hang back for a second, I’m gonna need you for this one.

Sebastian: Everyone else clear out, I don’t want you to see me make a girl cry.

Santana: Let’s just keep this on point.