How To Die Happy

‘I have love.’ She mumbled as she crossed the dark street, not even bothering to look at the cars passing her by. One of the cars came dangerously close and honked the horn as he came to a stop just a meter away from her.
‘Watch it idiot!’ The driver screamed as he rolled down the window. She turned to the car and slammed her hands on the hood ready to shout back at the driver but decided against it and kept walking, leaving the driver confused.

It wasn’t his fault after all, that she, once again, chose the wrong boy to fall in love with.
Earlier that night she had decided to go out. Something she hadn’t done in quite some time because she really wasn’t all that confident. But her newest boyfriend, a kind, blond haired boy, had said and done such nice things that she had started believing in herself a bit.
So, to test this newfound confidence she wanted to go out, her boyfriend unfortunately couldn’t make it, he had to work overtime.
Sad as she was she really didn’t want to go anymore, but then changed her mind and started getting ready for a night out. She’d never gone out much, especially not on her own, so this was a very exciting experience for her. She kind of liked the rush and when she stepped into the club at around 11 o’ clock the place was packed.

Her confidence from earlier faded slightly and she started to look around, trying to find a place to stand or dance when she suddenly saw a blond boy having the time of his life. He was at the edge of the dance floor with another girl, kissing her and dancing with her. He hadn’t even noticed his girlfriend walk in.
But she had noticed him. She’d noticed him quickly and watched him for a few minutes, not believing the images her eyes sent her.
She looked at the girl her boyfriend was kissing and realised something. The girl was far prettier than she was. In her tight red dress the girl was a beautiful picture. She looked at herself in her tank top and skinny jeans. She was a horrifying monster.

Of course he didn’t love her, she was just an easy fuck, a very stupid and silly girl, someone fun to play around with. Someone to get a laugh out of, to make fun of behind her back.
As they say, the higher you are, the harder you fall.
The way he had talked to her, treated her, she had felt like she was in heaven.
The long fall back to earth was painful, but her fall back to the ground and into the darkness of the mud was worse.

And now she was making her way to the bridge. Cursing at herself and crying. Why would anyone love her? There were so many breathtaking girls in town and she was nothing but average. Starting from high school she had always been treated as though she was replaceable and now she decided she’d had enough.

It was a peaceful sight, standing on the bridge. She couldn’t even see the water below.
Calmly she closed her eyes, letting the silence wash over her. The voices in her head stopped and for once she felt truly happy. In the past she used to think about her death, she’d be old, have many children and die in her sleep. But she never thought of herself to be the person to die happy. As she stepped of the rail she let out a small sigh. She had tried to commit suicide many times before, but she had never felt sure about it and gave up halfway through. This time though, she would not fail and she was happy about it. She truly had enough of living, she was done trying to pretend to be happy, pretend to be someone she wasn’t. Now she was calm, she didn’t have to pretend anything anymore. And as the world flew by she silently thanked her boyfriend for giving her the greatest gift ever, being able to die happy.