Chapter 14

Things should have changed after that. It didn’t. Maybe that was even worse than walking two more days around on the ship. It could have gotten awkward between the men, especially as they still shared a cabin. The worst thing was that it hadn’t changed. It wasn’t awkward, but there was also nothing else. Enjolras still barely acknowledged Grantaire’s presence, Grantaire still spent most of his time hidden in the kitchens, helping Joly preparing enough food for the increased amount of people. Joly had asked him once about what had happened there during Enjolras’ speech, but Grantaire had quickly shut that off. Instead they spent most of their time telling stories about earlier adventures. Sometimes Éponine joined them to tell them about the way Montparnasse and Jehan just kept walking in circles around each other. And whenever possible Joly would visit Bossuet, just to make sure he was still okay. Grantaire could have laughed about it, tell him nothing would have changed ten minutes after checking up on him. He didn’t. He let Joly check up on his partner as often as possible. At least Bossuet would know he was cared for.

During the meals Enjolras would sit with Combeferre, or just not be present at all. It was no change with beforehand. When Grantaire went to bed, Enjolras would be gone, or already be asleep at his desk.

It was a relief when finally the dock of Nassau came into view. After they had docked, they said goodbye to the people they rescued. Combeferre gave them some names of people who could help them get a job and a roof above their head. They were no slaves, they could live as free men and women.

Being in Nassau also meant for the crew to sell the stolen goods, to restock the supplies. To repair the damage of the ship, get their wounds treated by a professional. It meant for the crew finally being able to talk to anyone other than each other.

It meant for Grantaire a way off this ship. A moment of peace, of not being on the ship. He needed to clear his head, and what better way than to hit the pub? To get drunk between even more drunk individuals?

But even the alcohol, the women who were dancing between the customers, trying to find a customer of their own, it couldn’t distract him. He could still feel Enjolras’ lips on his. Before Enjolras could have answered, Grantaire had had walked away. But he felt the soft pressure, like it was happening right now.

He had been an idiot, and if his mother had been here, she would have smacked him on the head. From the beginning Grantaire had known Enjolras had meant trouble. He had known the god would make him fall like Icarus had fallen for Apollo. He had told himself a million times he would not worship that man.

But his mother had died a long time ago. She wasn’t here to smack him on the head, talk some sense into him. And while he had known Enjolras had meant bad news, he had walked into his spell with both eyes open. It was too late to escape the charm now.

He had screwed up.

“Oh here you are, R. I should have known I would find you at the bar,” Éponine said. “Have you heard? They already have found another target. Isn’t it exciting?”

Grantaire shook his head, took another sip of his drink. “I’m not going back, Ép,” he said, interrupting her. She felt silent.

“What? R-”

“No, I’ve made up my mind. I’m not joining them.” Because he had figured it to be the best choice. He couldn’t be around Enjolras, not again. He had barely survived the man once. How could he resist that spell the man seemed to put everyone under a second time? It would be best to stay as far away from him as possible. Perhaps there was another ship here who needed an extra crew member. Or maybe he could get a job cleaning dishes, or as an errand boy. He was strong, maybe he could even find work at a farm. Everything to not join the Mussain again.

Éponine didn’t protest. It wasn’t what Grantaire had expected. He had expected her to beg, to threaten him, to try anything for him to get on board again. She didn’t. She just hugged him.

“It’s okay. I understand,” she said. No, she couldn’t understand, because Grantaire never told her. Never told her about the way the captain seemed to light up the entire room. How Enjolras got under his skin, again and again and again, until Grantaire wasn’t sure whether to love him or hate him. Whether to shout at him or hold him close.

He had definitely not told her about the kiss.

“Stay alive, okay?” he whispered. He didn’t want to leave her behind. She would join the crew, she had been pretty clear about it beforehand. Even when Marius would just look at Cosette, she could not leave the boy behind. She had chosen her life on this ship, with the crew who felt so familiar.

“Just stay alive, or I’ll come down to hell to drag you back and murder you myself, allright?” She had no right dying on that ship. They would go down together, not when she was on a ship under the black flag and he was here doing… whatever he would be doing.

“I’m counting on it,” she answered. “See you in hell.”