26/04/'16 ; back.

What's normal?
Getting up, going to school or work, traveling back home, go to sleep and repeat?
Is that it?
Having a smile on your face and being able to feel comfortable in your own skin?
That's what most deem normal, right?
I just can't.
I feel so useless.
They're back.
It's always at that moment when I start to wonder; is this how it's supposed to be?
Is this normal?
More importantly; am I normal?
I feel like I'm below that.
Trying to get my head to at least touch the surface, but failing and drowning.
A huge weight that holds me down.
Not physically.
Never physically.
And that's why no one notices.
That's why no one cares.
'It's not that bad.'
'You should get over it.'
'You should be enthusiastic.'
Are they right?
But how can I when I only believe the bad and never doubt the little voice that says they joke when even the smallest of compliments get uttered in the same sentence as my name?
Is that abnormal?
Am I?
I feel like walking down the road to my own execution, to hands slowly but surely tightening their grip around my neck, watching me as I gasp for air and try to come up with a reason to fight, to not give up.
Don't let them win.
That's what I used to say.
Though now the demons live with me and not only in my head.
Used.
But not physically.
No.
Never physically.