Wallmart part 2

Bells913 has entered the chatroom.

JazzItUp has entered the chatroom.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly has entered the chatroom.

RedRose has entered the chatroom.

MountainLion has entered the chatroom.

FortuneTeller has entered the chatroom.

Bells913: HAHAHA! God, I haven’t felt this hyper in . . . two days, actually, but whatever.

RedRose: Good times, good times . . .

MountainLion: You guys have returned from your devious excursion to Walmart, I see.

JazzItUp: “Devious excursion”? God, Edward. Can’t you make it sound more mischievous and less like we murdered someone?

MountainLion: For all I know, you guys could have murdered someone. Five vampires loosed on Walmart? Honestly.

FortuneTeller: Don’t worry, we didn’t kill anyone. We might have given the manager a heart attack, though. Especially when Jasper yelled, “F- - - YOU!” at the DDR machine. The look on his face was PRICELESS.

MountainLion: WTF?!

JazzItUp: Long story . . .

MountainLion: I’ve got time.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: It was pretty hilarious . . .

Bells913: Okay. Well, for our first prank, we split off into teams. Rosalie and Emmett went off somewhere, and Alice, Jasper and I headed for the electronic games aisle. They had a DDR demo up.

MountainLion: DDR?

JazzItUp: Dance Dance Revolution.

Bells913: So, Jasper and I went up there and started playing a three-round game. Guess what our first song was?

MountainLion: What?

JazzItUp: Here’s a hint– “YAH, TRICK, YAH!”

FortuneTeller: Haha! And Bella and I started screaming along with it– only we didn’t exactly do the censored version . . .

MountainLion: What’s the uncensored version . . . ?

FortuneTeller: YAH, B - - - -, YAH!

MountainLion: Oh, dear God.

RedRose: Yeah. Em and I heard it all the way across the store.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Well, we heard Alice and Bella, at least. They were screaming at the top of their lungs.

Bells913: So anyway . . . I somehow won round one (I honestly think Jasper let me win). Then we danced to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”.

FortuneTeller: -convulses with laughter- And Jasper . . . hahahaha . . . started singing along . . . in this Justin-Timberlake-worthy falsetto . . .

Bells913: I think I lost that round from sheer lack of concentration. I was too busy laughing.

RedRose: We heard that, too. Emmett was like, “Is that . . . ?” and I was like, “It is . . .” THAT was when we came to check on them. To, you know, make sure they hadn’t gotten arrested for disturbing the peace yet.

MountainLion: Keep going, Bella!

Bells913: Our third song was something by Fat Boy Slim. I don’t know how I did it, but I totally kicked Jasper’s butt. We were all screaming the lyrics, and I was sweating buckets. It was hilarious. At least thirty people were gathered around, cheering and singing along. Then the manager came over and broke it up, right after Jasper lost. He screamed something EXTREMELY obscene at the game. It was freaking hilarious.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: I nearly wet myself. Well, I would have, if that was possible.

RedRose: Do you want to hear what Emmett and I did?

MountainLion: -gulps- I suppose so.

RedRose: We took this fake red blood from the toy aisle, and smeared it all over the mirror and walls in one of the girl’s bathrooms. Then I made a bunch of handprints all over the place. It looked like someone had been attacked by a newborn vampire in there. Then we poured the rest of the blood in all the toilets of another bathroom. It looked pretty sick, to be honest.

MountainLion: Gah!

JazzItUp: So THAT’S why you had your hands shoved into your pockets.

FortuneTeller: Okay, anyway. Then I went off with Rosalie and Emmett. We went up to the front of the store and stole all the chocolate bars. Then we went into all the men’s rooms and dumped a few into each toilet. You can imagine what it looked like.

Bells913: And Jasper and I ran to the pet’s aisle. I freed all the hamsters, gerbils, cats, dogs, and birds.

JazzItUp: And I freed the snakes and lizards, because Bella wouldn’t touch them. We had mercy on the fish, although we did take the liberty of switching the tags on the tanks. You should have heard everyone screaming when they saw the snakes. It was hilarious.

RedRose: Then we switched up again. I went with Bella and Alice to the lingerie section.

Bells913: Yeah. I found the last of these totally cute hot pink bras. Rosalie stomped up and snatched it right out of my hand, and then Alice came up and said, “I want that!” We were all slapping each other (well, I slapped them and bruised my hands, they lightly tapped me to avoid sending me flying) and wrestling all over the place, knocking thongs and bras everywhere. Then the original bra got ripped, so we had to pay for it.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Ah, it’s a shame it ripped. -winks at Rosalie-

Bells913: EW, EMMETT!

FortuneTeller: TMI!

JazzItUp: Sick, bro.

MountainLion: Good Lord! Please control your thoughts, Emmett! Gah! -gags-

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: ANYWAY . . . Jazz and I went to the costume aisle. I pulled on this totally hilarious vampire outfit– black cape, fangs, the whole shebang. . . Strange. Humans really do think we dress like that. But hilarious.

JazzItUp: And I pulled on this hockey mask and grabbed a fake bloody knife. I looked horrific. -grins proudly-

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Then I ran around roaring, “I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOOODDD!” and Jasper walked around, grunting sinisterly and waving his knife. We scared several people and sent this poor cashier named Amy into near convulsions. She seriously started screaming and grabbed the phone. When she picked it up, she screamed into it without dialing anything, “HELP! HELP! OH MY GOD! MOMMY!” Then she fainted.

JazzItUp: Poor kid. It made me feel bad. She was horrified.

MountainLion: I can imagine why. What happened next?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: She had a freaking asthma attack! Jazz and I seriously thought she was going to die, so we made a run for it. But she was okay. We saw her leaving a little later. The boss was saying something about “going home and taking your pills”.

RedRose: After that, we split up again. I went with Jasper, Alice went off by herself, and Bella and Emmett teamed up.

FortuneTeller: I hid in one of those circular clothing racks. Whenever someone walked up, I would hand them clothes. Most of the time they just threw them back and left, but this one chick actually screamed. Then she threw the shirt onto the ground and literally sprinted headlong out of the store.

JazzItUp: Rosalie and I went to the electronics aisle (AGAIN). We grabbed the microphones on a karaoke machine. I started singing “Sexy Back” super-off key, and Rosalie started screeching out the lyrics to a Britney Spears song.

RedRose: Complete with the whole, “It’s Britney, b- - - -,” shtick.

MountainLion: Thanks for that disgusting mental picture, Rosalie.

Bells913: Emmett and I went to the front of the store. Emmett started yelling, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT TO ME, SARAH! HOW COULD YOU DATE THAT IDIOT, MIKE NEWTON?!” and I had no idea what he was doing, so I was like, “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, JOSH, AND YOU KNOW IT!” Then I fake slapped him and stomped off while he yelled after me, “DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME, SARAH! I’LL KILL THAT MIKE! I SWEAR I WILL!”

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: You’ve gotta admit, that part was hilarious.

Bells913: Yeah . . . but why Mike Newton?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: I had a moment of inspiration.

FortuneTeller: Then, we did our last trick. We all grouped up and went to the most crowded aisle of all: the food aisle. Bella, on a whim, apparently, grabbed an eggplant and screamed, “GO LONG, ALICE!” So I ran to the end of the aisle, and she heaved it (strongly, for a human, but she missed her aim). Jasper caught it and made off with it back toward Bella’s end, Emmett at his heels, with Rosalie jumping in the air squealing, “I’M OPEN! I’M OPEN!”

Bells913: And Emmett grabbed the back of Jasper’s shirt, and the eggplant went flying. Rosalie made a beeline for it, but I dived and somehow managed to catch it. So then Jasper and Rosalie both shot like bullets out of a gun at me, but Emmett somehow got ahead of them. He grabbed me around the waist and flung me over his shoulder. Then he started sprinting down the aisle, dodging people, with me screaming and flailing my arms, still clutching the eggplant.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Yeah– Bella, have you put on weight?

Bells913: EMMETT!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Kidding! But anyway– then the manager came up. He was completely red in the face, and looked so angry I stopped dead. But Bella was unprepared for my stop, and let go off the eggplant– and IT HIT THE MANAGER DEAD IN THE FACE!

MountainLion: Oh my God!

JazzItUp: Yeah. He stood there for about twenty seconds without moving, his face a perfectly round ‘O’. Everyone in the whole store was DEAD silent, except for their breathing, of course. Even several squalling children had stopped, and were staring at the manager, not daring to laugh. Then he reached up and wiped the eggplant out of his eyes and spat out a few chunks that had gone into his mouth.

RedRose: Then he sort of spluttered, “Out! Get OUT! GET OUT! OUT, OUT, OUT! GET OUT OF MY STORE!” We made a beeline for the exit. Emmett had to drag Bella, who was so shocked she couldn’t move. Then we made it to the car and shot out of the parking lot, tires squealing. Then we came home.

MountainLion: Ummm . . . wow. That was . . . hilarious. And insane. You guys sound like you had fun.

FortuneTeller: Are you kidding? It was so cool! We should do it more often. But definitely not in Port Angeles. I doubt they’ll forget us for a while.

Bells913: Yeah. It was fun. I haven’t thought about the Volturi all afternoon. I’m glad you thought of it, Jazz.

JazzItUp: Ah, great ideas are part of my job. Heh. I’m glad, too.

Bells913: Crap. Charlie’s home. I hope he hasn’t found out somehow what I did in Port Angeles. G2g!

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