E-mails

MountainLion has entered the chatroom.

FortuneTeller has entered the chatroom.

JazzItUp has entered the chatroom.

Bells913 has entered the chatroom.

RedRose has entered the chatroom.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly has entered the chatroom.

FortuneTeller: Hi, guys.

Bells913: Hello, everyone!

JazzItUp: Buenos dios.

RedRose: Hullo.

MountainLion: Can we just get on with it?

Bells913: Get on with what, Edward?

MountainLion: Alice wanted us to come into the chatroom for something. She won’t tell me, the annoying little minx.

FortuneTeller: Oooh! Minx, that’s a new one.

JazzItUp: Hmm. When you look up “minx” in the dictionary, it says, and I quote: “humorous or derogatory; an impudent, cunning, or boldly flirtatious girl or young woman”. It fits Alice, doesn’t it? But anyway . . . what is it?

Bells913: Alice . . . what are you going on about?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Yeah, spill, Alice. I wanna know what's up!

FortuneTeller: Well . . . it’s about Bella.

Bells913: -gulps- Me?

RedRose: What about Bella?

MountainLion: Hey!

RedRose: What?

MountainLion: Watch your thoughts, Rosalie.

Bells913: I’m going to pretend I didn’t notice that . . .

JazzItUp: -snorts-

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: C’MON, ALICE! I’M DYING FROM SUSPENSE! (Well, not really, because technically I can’t “die” . . . but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!)

FortuneTeller: Bella? Would you care to tell them about your trivial little worries over those emails? I want to get to the bottom of this.

MountainLion: Emails?

Bells913: Um . . . well.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Aw, not you, too! And I thought Alice and Edward were bad about evading questions and leaving people hanging.

Bells913: The Volturi sent me an email!

MountainLion: WHAT?

FortuneTeller: Two, actually.

RedRose: -gasp- The Volturi? As in . . . Aro, Marcus, and Caius?

FortuneTeller: Who ELSE, Rosalie?!

RedRose: Sorry . . . it’s just . . . odd, is all.

JazzItUp: The Volturi? What’s the deal, Bella?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: lol

Bells913: Emmett! What’s funny about this?!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: You and Alice . . . ha. Lamest trick in the book, girls. Give it up.

FortuneTeller: Emmett, this isn’t a joke! Well, it is, of course, I mean, someone has GOT to be impersonating the Volturi, but we’re not joking about the emails.

RedRose: Em, be quiet. I think they mean it.

JazzItUp: Who do you guys think it is?

FortuneTeller: Hmmm. Is it YOU, Jasper?

JazzItUp: WTF? No!

FortuneTeller: Are you SURE you didn’t do it?

JazzItUp: -whines- Aaaaaallllliiiiiiicccceeee! Of course I didn’t! God!

FortuneTeller: Mmkay, I believe you.

JazzItUp: Ummm . . . okay. Well, I swear on my life (you know what I mean) that I did NOT do that to Bella. I wouldn’t.

Bells913: It’s okay, Jasper. I believe you.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Well if it’s not Jasper, who else could it be?

Bells913: HA. That’s rich, coming from you, the biggest practical joker on the face of the Earth.

FortuneTeller: Yeah! Was it YOU, Emmett? Or . . . ROSALIE?

RedRose: NO! Of COURSE not!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Yeah, what she said!

MountainLion: Then who was it?

FortuneTeller: Edward! It had to have been you!

MountainLion: WTF? ALICE! DON’T EVEN SAY THAT! DON’T EVEN THINK IT, EITHER, BECAUSE I’LL STILL HEAR IT!

FortuneTeller: See! A guilty conscience, no doubt!

Bells913: Alice! Of course it wasn’t Edward!

JazzItUp: Yeah, Alice. Why would EDWARD do that to BELLA?

MountainLion: Wait a minute . . . what if it was YOU, Alice? You’re poking accusations at everyone except yourself!

Bells913: Edward! Alice wouldn’t do that to me!

FortuneTeller: -splutters- Are you out of your MIND, Edward? Of course I didn’t send those emails to Bella!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Wait a minute. How come Bella thinks it could be anyone except Alice or Edward? And JASPER, too? That’s not fair!

RedRose: Yeah!

Bells913: What? It is too fair! I trust Alice, Edward, and Jasper more than you two because of your history of playing jokes, and that’s all! Mean jokes, at that!

JazzItUp: -nods-

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Hey! It’s not like what we did was THAT bad!

MountainLion: Are you KIDDING? First you trick Bella into thinking you’re the Volturi, then you give her chocolates loaded with energy powder! Now you’re doing it again! And by ‘it’ I mean IMPERSONATING THE VOLTURI!!

JazzItUp: Yeah. You guys seriously scared me and Carlisle with that energy thing. We thought Bella had lost her mind.

Bells913: -ahem- Still here!

FortuneTeller: The idiots.

Bells913: Vampires. -sigh-

FortuneTeller: Ummm . . . not sure what to say to that, as I AM a vampire.

RedRose: Edward, you have no right to accuse Emmett and me of doing this!

MountainLion: Oh, don’t I?

Bells913: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! You guys are acting like CHILDREN! Cut it OUT! It’s driving me INSANE!

FortuneTeller: Whoa. Nice way to shut them up, Bella.

MountainLion: Sorry, Bella. What is it you want to say?

Bells913: I trust all of you. I trust Alice, I trust Edward, I trust Jasper, I trust Rosalie, I even trust Emmett. I love all of you guys. I know you wouldn’t do this to me.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Thank you. -dignified sniff-

RedRose: But anyway . . . since it’s not any of us, who is it?

JazzItUp: Hmmm . . . who would have a reason to play a trick on Bella? Bella, have you ticked anyone off lately?

Bells913: Um, not that I know of . . .

MountainLion: Wait a minute. I’ve got an idea.

Bells913: What is it, Edward?

MountainLion: Bella, I need your cellphone for a second. BRB!!

MountainLion has left the chatroom.

FortuneTeller: ACK!

JazzItUp: What is it, Alice?!

FortuneTeller: The whole future of this chat just disappeared!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Wait a minute . . . that can only mean one thing.

RedRose: OMG!

JazzItUp: No!

FortuneTeller: YES!

Bells913: WTF? Oh! OMG! WTF?!

MountainLion has entered the chatroom.

BigBadWolf has entered the chatroom.

Bells913: JACOB?!

BigBadWolf: The one and only. Hi, Bells.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Ew. Who invited the werewolf?

RedRose: I don’t know . . . wait a minute. EDWARD!

MountainLion: -looks up innocently- Yes?

FortuneTeller: Edward! Explain! This! Now!

MountainLion: Alice, what the heck did you put the words in exclamation points for?

FortuneTeller: BECAUSE I’M TICKED OFF, THAT’S WHY!

JazzItUp: Gah . . . Edward, what’s the meaning of this?

BigBadWolf: He called me from Bella’s phone. I almost hung up on him, but then he told me something was up with Bella and that I needed to get on MSN pronto . . . so here I am. What’s wrong, Bella?

Bells913: Nothing to be concerned over, Jake. Oh, and I had nothing to do with this. Edward just came crawling in through me window, soaking wet, and took my phone. Then he ran out, and came back in, and gave me my phone.

MountainLion: Nothing to be concerned over? Bella, just a minute ago you were freaking out. Tell him. Maybe he knows. -sinister grin-

Bells913: Why would he know, Edward?

MountainLion: Oh, ponder it for a moment, Bella.

Bells913: Wait a minute . . . YOU THINK JACOB DID THIS?!

BigBadWolf: Did WHAT?

MountainLion: Impersonated the Volturi in an email.

BigBadWolf: The Volturi? That rings a bell. Aren’t those the looney-tune vampires in Italy? The ones you went to when you wanted them to kill you? (Which, as you know, you could have just gotten done here . . . you know, by crossing the La Push border, but whatever, not my problem.)

MountainLion: . . . Yes, they’re the ones. I figured Bella had told you about them.

Bells913: Edward! If it wasn’t you or Alice, who experienced the Volturi first hand, or Emmett, Jasper, or Rosalie, who know all about them, what makes you think it was JACOB, who knows NOTHING about them?!

BigBadWolf: I don’t even know what’s going on, for God’s sakes!

FortuneTeller: Bella received two stalkerish emails from someone impersonating one of the Volturi’s henchmen . . . or, I should say, henchfemales . . . Jane, that is.

MountainLion: JANE? You didn’t tell me it was JANE!

BigBadWolf: Jane?! Who’s Jane?!

JazzItUp: Jane? That sadistic little weirdo?

RedRose: OMG!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Holy crap, Bella!

Bells913: I didn’t think it was necessary to tell you that . . .

FortuneTeller: OH MY GOD!

Bells913: What is it, Alice?

FortuneTeller: TANYA!

Bells913: Tanya?

JazzItUp: From the Denali coven?

RedRose: What about her?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Come on, Alice, tell us!

BigBadWolf: WTF?

MountainLion: Alice! No– you don’t really think . . . Oh, dear.

Bells913: Edward!! What is it?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: SPIT IT OUT, DAMMIT! NOT ALL OF US ARE MINDREADERS!

FortuneTeller: It could have been Tanya!

JazzItUp: What do you– ohhhh, I see . . .

RedRose: TANYA? You think it was TANYA?

FortuneTeller: Admit it, Edward, she has a reason to be resentful of Bella.

MountainLion: Yes, but– to do this?! Honestly, I don’t think Tanya could be that angry about it!

BigBadWolf: WTF? Tanya? Denali? Denali as in Denali, Alaska?

JazzItUp: Honestly, how many Denalis are there?

BigBadWolf: -growls- Shut it, leech.

FortuneTeller: HEY! Watch it, wolf!

BigBadWolf: Whoopsy, did I offend your little boyfriend?

FortuneTeller: -snarls-

RedRose: Ow! Alice, you don’t have to snarl quite so loud!

JazzItUp: Just ignore the childish little mongrel, Alice.

Bells913: KLJJLOP;P

MountainLion: Bella?!

BigBadWolf: Bells!

FortuneTeller: WTF?

Bells913: DAMN! -shivers-

MountainLion: Bella, are you alright?

Bells913: I’m fine. It just thundered really loudly outside. I jumped and accidentally pounded my keyboard.

BigBadWolf: It’s storming pretty hard hear on the rez, too. I think the power might go out for the whole town. Mine’s been flickering all afternoon.

RedRose: Anyway– back to the Volturi thing. You really think it’s Tanya?

FortuneTeller: I’m almost definite that it could be.

BigBadWolf: WHO IS TANYA?!

MountainLion: A female vampire from a coven in Denali, Alaska.

BigBadWolf: Why is she mad at Bella?

FortuneTeller: Not mad with Bella– jealous.

Bells913: Really? Tanya is jealous?

MountainLion: I don’t think she’d be this jealous. I mean, I’m not worth worrying you, am I?

Bells913: Edward, of course you are.

BigBadWolf: -gags quietly- Anyway– will someone tell me why this chick is p.?

FortuneTeller: Tanya has a huge crush on Edward.

MountainLion: Alice . . . -sigh-

BigBadWolf: On him? HAHAHAHA!!

Bells913: JAKE! Be nice!

MountainLion: -growls- Watch it, wolf. It’s not THAT hard to believe.

FortuneTeller: ANYWAY . . . Once when we were visiting in Denali, not too long before Edward met Bella, Tanya let Edward know. And Edward turned her down. So imagine how she must have felt when she learns soon after the visit that he’d fallen for BELLA.

Bells913: Hey! Ouch, Alice!

MountainLion: Alice! You make it sound like that’s a bad thing!

FortuneTeller: No, no, no, of course not!! I just mean, imagine it from Tanya’s point of view. Bella’s (at that point) was this human girl Edward had only known for a short time, whereas Tanya was a vampire (who it would be immensely more easy to have a relationship with) who Edward had known for decades. Don’t you realize how angry she might have been?

Bells913: But how does she know about me? I mean, it’s not like Edward told her about me or anything, did he?

MountainLion: I didn’t, actually, so it couldn’t be her.

RedRose: Well . . . it might have been someone else . . . who told her, I mean. -shuffles feet-

JazzItUp: Rosalie . . . you didn’t do it, did you?

MountainLion: ROSALIE!

BigBadWolf: So it was the blonde that did it?

RedRose: -ignores the mutt- I didn’t think she would have this kind of reaction! I just mentioned it in passing!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Okay, you guys. Don’t blame Rose. We don’t even know if it WAS Tanya.

JazzItUp: Well, there’s one way to find that out . . .

JazzItUp has left the chatroom.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Where’s he gone?

RedRose: I can hear him talking on the phone . . . he’s talking to . . . OMG

Bells913: What is it?

BigBadWolf: I’m confused. Who’s the leech talking to?

MountainLion: Oh, good God. JASPER, YOU IDIOT!

FortuneTeller: For once, I agree, Edward. Jazz is being an idiot . . .

JazzItUp has entered the chatroom.

TheDenaliGurl has entered the chatroom.

Bells913: OMG

TheDenaliGurl: Hello, friends!

MountainLion: Greetings . . . Tanya.

JazzItUp: I filled Tanya in on Bella’s little dilemma. She has something to tell us . . .

TheDenaliGurl: It was NOT me, guys. I wouldn’t do that to anyone.

FortuneTeller: Sorry, Tanya. We didn’t mean to . . . accuse you of it, or anything.

BigBadWolf: -rolls eyes- Yeah, they did.

TheDenaliGurl: Pardon me, but WHO are you?

BigBadWolf: The name’s Jacob, leech.

TheDenaliGurl: How dare you!

Bells913: JACOB!

MountainLion: Honestly, if you can’t be halfway decent . . . -growls-

TheDenaliGurl: I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go. -glares-

TheDenaliGurl has left the chatroom.

Bells913: Smooth move, Jake. Real smooth!

FortuneTeller: -snarls- Someone get the wolf out of here!

RedRose: Yeah. I can practically smell the stench through the computer.

BigBadWolf: Same here, leech. I’m outta here. Call me later, Bells!

BigBadWolf has left the chatroom.

MountainLion: Honestly . . . -shakes head-

JazzItUp: Anyway– I guess it’s not Tanya, then.

FortuneTeller: She could be lying, couldn’t she?

RedRose: I don’t think Tanya would lie. She values the friendship of our families too much to put it in jeopardy by playing a trick this mean.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: I agree with Rosalie. I don’t think it’s Tanya. It could be, but . . . would she really take it to this sort of extreme? Impersonating the Volturi is nothing to play around with.

JazzItUp: -coughs- Irony . . . irony . . . ahem.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Shut it, Jazz.

RedRose: This is quite the conundrum. Who could it be?

Bells913: We know who it’s not, at least. It’s not Edward, not Alice, not Jasper, not Rosalie, not Emmett, and not Jacob. It’s probably not Tanya . . . then who else could it be other than the real Volturi?!

MountainLion: Bella, Bella, Bella. It’s nothing to worry about– we’ll figure it out. It’s NOT the Volturi.

Bells913: GAH!

FortuneTeller: What now, Bella?

Bells913: A big flash of lightning . . . Good Lord. And my power just flickered.

JazzItUp: The power fluctuated here, too.

RedRose: Wow. Big words, Jasper. When did you learn that one?

JazzItUp: Shut up, Rosalie!

Bells913: I really think the power’s going to go out.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Hey, Alice, any chance of playing baseball later tonight?

FortuneTeller: It will be raining in the clearing– lightning will strike the ground, too.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: So can we?

FortuneTeller: I guess. Carlisle and Esme won’t have a problem with it.

MountainLion: Bella, you’ll be okay tonight, won’t you?

Bells913: I guess. You’ll come after the game, though, right?

MountainLion: Of course, Bella.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: -gag-

FortuneTeller: OH MY GOD!

JazzItUp: What, Alice?

FortuneTeller: You’ll see . . .

janeofvolterra has entered the chatroom.

janeofvolterra: Hello, Cullens, Bella . . .

FortuneTeller has left the chatroom.

JazzItUp has left the chatroom.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly has left the chatroom.

RedRose has left the chatroom.

MountainLion has left the chatroom.

Bells913 has left the chatroom.

janeofvolterra: Hmm, where did you all go? Avoiding me, are you? We’ll see about that. We’ll meet again, mark my words.

janeofvolterra has left the chatroom.