2 Deaths ~English~

“She’s dead.” I heard them whisper. Everytime I heard it I knew I could choose between people. My sister or me. Because I was kinda dead. Although I walk, breath, everything, that doesn’t mean that it can’t be completely black on the inside. Dark. Hollow. My eyes didn’t sparkle nymore. I was like this already for a long time. First I hided it. Then I found my sister. Dead.
I went swimming with my friends in the lake. I stepped in the water and we played and laughed. It wasn’t a fake laugh for once, I was actually enjoying myself. I swam a few metres away from the group, something lay hidden in the water. It was on the side of the lake so a few plants wouldn’t let me see what lay there. I swam towards it. I forgot to swim when I saw what, or actually who it was. I almost drowned myself. While my tears mixed with the lake water. It was that my friends heard me scream before I sank. Otherwise I would be dead too. I wish I hadn’t screamed, I wish they hadn’t hear me, I wish I drowned. I just wish I was dead. Because then I would feel better than I do now. Yeah, I know I could just kill myself. But I was scared. To scared to do it. And I still am. When my friends saved me from drowning, I looked at my sister again. Pale, with yellow and grey on her face. Combined with a lot of red. DEAD. I started to cry again and wanted to know who the murder was. About a week later the police knew what happened exactly. I asked who did it, who murdered her.
“She killed herself. She’s the murder.” They said it two times in another sentence, like I didn’t get it. I screamed and ran outside. Since my sister dies my depression had gone bigger. I felt terrible. I don’t know how all the others reacted to the news. Because I was selfish, because I didn’t pay attention to them. After a while I still had to go to school, but I didn’t learn, I didn’t pay attention in the lessons. The only thing I did was in being in time by the next lesson. I didn’t talk, I hated people, they also left me alone.
When I was a month at school again, the teachers tried to ask me questions again. Some got angry and send me out. I didn’t bother. I didn’t do anything in the lessons or at home. Everything became worse and worse. I didn’t do anything what only gave me problems. My psychologist didn’t help, I just didn’t answer. I didn’t live, although I was still on earth. I lost everyone, bit by bit.
I was just waiting.
Till I finally dared.
To kill myself.