My garden

Laying here with this pokerface. Life ruined by being this way. Well, tomorrow will be nicer. There´s a party at my friend´s place. I´m looking forward to it but I´m a bit afraid too. Theres this boy, a really stupid one. He always shows off and he´s really popular. He always calls me names and I don´t like that at all. When we´re in the changing rooms after physical exercises he always calls me faggot and more words similar to that. I get very insecure by this and it really makes me suffer. I hope next year will be better, but next year is still eight months away from now. So I´ll just try to cope with this. My passion is my garden. Every day I walk trough it and look at all the beautiful flowers that I´ve grown by myself. I like these plants, tropical plants. Banana trees and palm trees. A benefit of plants is that they don´t judge or talk. My mother shouts at me, time to have dinner. I love to eat, but not to dine. I don´t like the taste of cooked vegetables. When I finish my dinner I always go upstairs and play the music really loudly. Forgetting everything and just focusing on my homework. When it´s done I watch my soap. Then I just text with some friends till the day is over. Next day passes by really quickly because I´m looking forward to the night. After dressing up I walk to the mirror and look at me. A pale boy, grey eyes, dark brown hair, quite big lips and a slim body, quite tall too. I look at the parts of me that I don´t like. My eyes get teary. My confidence is zero. I wish I just had a boyfriend that would tell me that I look good and tell me that I don´t have to be ashamed of myself. But I don´t really I will get one, like never. Cycling to the party trough the snow again, cold air blowing in my face. I´m cycling so quickly that i don´t see I have to stop and I slip. Ouch, my bike is laying on my legs and my arm really hurts a lot. I try not think of the pain and I continue cycling.