Part One.

Do you ever feel like you're hopeless? Do you ever feel like being alive is useless? Do you? Well, I do. Constantly. It's a struggle. Everyday I wake up like it's gonna be the best day ever. Until I go up to the mirror, look myself in the eye and think "Ha, you're just fooling yourself. Today is gonna be worse than everyday before." That's when it hits me. I'm not good, for anyone, for anything. I'm getting sick of being me. But who can save me? No one, except myself. By sucking all my energy out of me. It will make me feel ok. I will never be ok for real. It's just a helpful thought.

Being ok. What does it even mean? To me, I'm ok when I don't put energy in waking up, getting out of bed. I'm ok when I don't have to eat. Cause eating makes me fat. Ugly. Disgusting. Nothing will ever, make me feel fully satisfied. Nothing..

This is me, the real me..