Chapter 10

~John Hamish Watson
"Dad..." Hamish' voice sounded hoarse and John looked at him in surprise.
He thought that Hamish had been fast asleep, but he clearly wasn't.
"What is wrong son?"
"I want to know who my mother is."
"Hamish, are you sure?"
"Dad, you said that you should've answered all of my questions and this is one. I need to know."
"Why now Hamish? You've never asked me before."
It wasn't that John didn't want to tell him, but he needed to know why Hamish was interested.
"After father died there has been this hole in my heart, I want to fill it up again. I know that sounds naive, but I need to know."
"She'll never be able to fill up the hole in your heart Hamish, she'll never love you the way your father loved you. I know that this sounds harsh, but please don't get your hopes up too high."
"She never even wanted me in the first place? Is that what you're saying? Is that the reason she gave me away?"
"Your mother is a very sweet woman Hamish, don't get me wrong. But she wasn't ready to take care of a child. And me and your father, we were ready.
More than anyone."
"Tell me dad, I need to know."
As John noticed the tears in his son's eyes, his heart broke: he needed to tell Hamish, he needed to.
But was it really necesarry to tell his son that Sherlock and himself had been trying to contact Molly ever since Hamish turned one?
Was it needed to break his son's heart by telling him that his mother never answered all their invitations?
That Sherlock had never believed it that Molly didn't want to see her son again? Sherlock had always thought that there was something else going on, but from a distance -Molly had moved away after giving birth to Hamish- the dedective couldn't quite put his finger on what went wrong.
"Molly..." it wasn't more then a whisper from John's lips, he felt empty after he pronounced the name.
And he could tell that Hamish felt the same, there were tears streaming down Hamish' face and John took him in his arms, in a tight embrace.
"I want to see her." Hamish said, John felt his heart break.
He had prepared himself for this moment for ages, but he never knew how he would handle it.
"I don't know if that is possible."
"Is Molly dead? Lestrade told me that she had moved away."
"Lestrade is right Hamish, but I am not sure if she is ready to see you son."
"It has been 19 years. Do you think she isn't ready? Or do you think she isn't willing?"
"Both."
John felt how his son had tightened his arms around his neck, in pure devastation and confusion.
Hamish was shaking now, and he was crying loudly, John knew it wasn't all because of Molly.
Maybe it wasn't about Molly it all, it was about Sherlock.
John knew damn well that his had been keeping his emotions to himself for quite long time, he had hoped that Hamish had cried himself to sleep at night atleast a few times, it is a weird thing to hope something like that for your own child.
But John knew that crying could feel like a relief, but Hamish never cried, not in public and not when he was on his own; never.
These was the first time Hamish actually showed his true feelings and John was there for him, just like he had always promised himself he would.
"I'll ask Mycroft if he can give me her phone number, that is all I can do Hamish."
"Thanks dad."