Confused

Feeling alone , happiness around me. Nobody knows me. I'm just standing here.
The cold wind cuts in my face. but it doesn't hurt because i ignore the pain.
I tell myself it's nothing. I got deeper wounds in my heart.
I'm in Love. Pain is the only thing i got so why not love it ?
A small cut in my cheek from a leaf flying by.
In freedom it is floating on the wind. I want freedom.
But what is freedom? Doing nothing? or doing what your mind commands ?
But following commands is not freedom.
Blood rolls down my cheek.
It feels so good. the soft feeling.
People still don't see me. I got blood all over my face and on my hands.
People walk through me like I'm a ghost or something.
Every time they walk by i feel a sort of heat.
Is it because they are happy ?
I want to die so badly.
Standing here in the cold i want to die.
everyone would look at me when I'm laying on the ground.
But i won't see them. Blood all over my body on the cold ground.
Every second I'm dying.
I was just hoping to find a girl to grow old with.
To have someONE.
I don't know what to do...