Dear Mathematics Teacher
In second grade they used to laugh at my clothes, call me names, exclude me from the group, spread gossips about me, push me from the stairs, stick notes with ‘kick me’ on my back, threaten me on messenger or any other way to embarrass me or make me feel small. Although my motto was to be nice to everyone, everything I did seemed to be judged wrong. Looking at someone or even my breathing annoyed them. No one noticed how it build a fear to go to school. No one noticed how it brought me down. Even if I said it to a teacher or just anyone, it did not look like someone wanted to help me or was able to help me. Though I kept my head held high. I succeeded this year without any further problems, although my confidence was on a low level back then. All this build not only a certain wall around me, but also a careless, quite confident attitude. No one could do me harm with words anymore.
When the bullying finally started to stop a bit, the “friends” whom had turned their back on me before, betrayed me again. We were going on a school trip, and finally I ended up walking alone through the park. I had literally prayed to God and my granddad, whom had died not much earlier, if someone could find me. I felt lost. Fortunately one of my older friends from primary school found me and supported me, so I didn’t have to walk around alone. It learnt me to never give up and to believe it always will be alright.
In third grade I got my confidence back. I made new, better friends and honestly felt happy again. I didn’t feel worthless any longer. I never really had though, but in every case, I felt like I was living and like I finally was accepted the way I am. Over the third and fourth grade, this happiness grew and grew.
Now, the fifth grade has started. The happiness slowly started to fade away again. I started to feel a bit worthless again, forgot my reason of existing. But though I kept on fighting. I knew my happiness was gonna come back one day, that I was just attitudinizing. Those were just days of feeling down. I wasn’t depressed, I never have been.
But yesterday, Friday the fourth of October, the image I had created completely broke down. By just one sentence, one person who doesn’t even mean a thing to me, had crashed into my heart. Such a stupid little thing. It was too much.
So dear Mathematics teacher, I hope you enjoyed embarrassing me, which a whole class of around thirty people weren’t able to do just as much as you did. Every ten questions others ask, I ask just one question. I always do my homework neatly unlike others. I usually pay attention every minute. I work assignments forward because I understand in one time what you’re talking about. I already disliked the fact that you let me wait the longest of all pupils when I had a simple question which you could answer with one sentence. I already disliked it that when I asked you to do something for me and you made it last at least four weeks. I am very sorry that I missed your explanation because I was working some forward. I asked you just one thing. I didn’t even ask for a whole new explanation, but just one ‘why’. Just one. And you didn’t want to explain, because I wasn’t paying attention. No indeed, I was doing my homework already. I am sorry, okay? Are you sorry too? Because now I don’t dare to ask anything anymore? Out of your words me and every student could conclude I was dumb and stupid. I thought I was one of your favorite students, but apparently you think I’m a bad one. You always said I could work through, and now I get punished for that? I’m gonna fail the test because of you because I still don’t get it. You made my classmates laugh about me which hurt me three years ago so much. Dear Mathematics teacher, why do you explain everything six or seven times to others, but not even one time to me? I never meant to do you harm or disturb your lesson. Yes, I am stupid. Should you be my mentor? Because of you I’m crying myself to sleep now. You think I won’t ever pass my exam? I bet you’re right. I screwed up my life, I see that now, with a little help of you, my dear friend. I was already feeling down and trying to get up again like I did so many times before. But why should I if I’m no addition in life? Can you tell me?
Yours sincerely,
Your apparently no longer favorite student
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