Indifference

I wrote this a while ago, for arts class -- so I wouldn't have to draw, I suck at drawing. It's not finished by far, but I'm not sure how to continue.

Music blasted through the speakers, filling the air with its thick sound. It was so loud, I couldn’t escape it. It was wrapped all around me – as was the boy ‘dancing’ behind me. I knew what he wanted, but I didn’t care. I was here for the music.
      I was dancing freely, not caring about anything or anyone around me. To my ‘friends’, I must’ve looked like a mess. But I wasn’t among friends now. There were all sorts of different people around me. They all had two things in common, one; I didn’t know any of them, and two; they were all looking for an escape.
An escape from their yelling parents, obnoxious boy-/girlfriends or ignorant friends. It didn’t really matter, all that mattered was that they could get their escape here. Some found it in the music, some found it in alcohol or drugs and others found it in each other.
      I didn’t expect to run into anyone I knew here. This wasn’t a place where people I knew would go to – sure, they partied, but not like this. Sure, they drank alcohol – lots of it, sometimes. Sure, they’d smoked a joint before, but they’d never go as far as the people here.
      It came as a complete surprise I actually recognised someone. I couldn’t place his face at first, but then I remembered. He hadn’t really changed since the last time I’d seen him, about a year ago. From the look on his face, I knew he recognised me. Confusion was written all over it, he was probably wondering what I did in a place like this.
      He tried to make his way towards me, but people kept blocking his way. I mentally thanked them. I didn’t want to think. I was here to escape, not to talk. He didn’t stop trying, though. He pushed some people out of the way, and quickly got closer to me. I turned towards the boy behind me and shot him a seductive smile. We danced even closer and just as the boy from before reached us, I kissed the dancer.
      I didn’t stop when the other boy placed his hand on my shoulder. He apparently couldn’t take a hint, because he didn’t remove his hand when I didn’t stop kissing the dancer. After a while, he apparently decided he’d waited long enough, because he pulled me away from the dancer. He pulled me away quite forcefully and I was afraid he might get angry with me – but as soon as I saw his face, I knew he wasn’t.
      He gripped my hand and pulled me outside. The music wasn’t that loud outside. He obviously wanted to talk to me. “What happened to you?” he softly asked me. Concern was written all over his face, and I wondered why he cared all of a sudden.
      “Why do you even care?” I asked, voicing my thoughts, angry he talked to me when I obviously didn’t want to talk to him. I knew I sounded rude, but I was long past caring. When I first saw him, I would’ve cared – a lot, actually. I would still have cared a year ago, but now? Not so much.
      “You’re a nice enough girl,” he said, shrugging. He tried to look indifferent, as if it didn’t really bother him, but he couldn’t really pull it off. I could see it was bothering him, but I didn’t understand why. He’d never cared about me before.
      “And you based that opinion on what? All the times we talked at school?” I sarcastically replied. I had never even talked to him. I had always been too shy, too afraid he might reject me. “Look, you don’t know anything about me. I’ve changed. I’m not the same girl I was when I was fourteen. I don’t fall hopelessly in love with people I don’t even know anymore. When I want something, I take it.”
      “I can see that,” he said. He didn’t say it in a mean way, but it still stung a bit. I didn’t like the way I’d changed either, but once I started changing, I felt like I couldn’t stop it anymore.
      “Why do you bother talking to me, then?” I asked. I don’t know why I kept talking to him. I guess I wanted to know why he, of all people, cared. Nobody cared about me anymore these days.
      “I meant that I can see that if you want something, you take it,” he said, suggestively raising his eyebrows. He was hinting at the dancer from before. I coolly grinned. Yea, that was who I had become. That girl who took whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it. “You haven’t really changed, though.”
      I scoffed at that. He couldn’t be serious. One look at me and you could see that I had changed, a lot. Starting with my clothes. Last year I wouldn’t dare wear clothes like these, they were too revealing for my liking – right now, I couldn’t give a single fuck about that anymore.
      “I can see that you’re still the same girl who sent me a rose on Valentine’s Day when she was fourteen years old. The only difference is, that fourteen-year-old-girl didn’t feel the need to wear a mask. She didn’t feel like she needed to protect herself by not letting other people get close to her,” he calmly spoke.
      I wanted to laugh at what he was telling me, I really did, but I couldn’t. Because as soon as he spoke those words, I realised it was true. I was pushing people away so they couldn’t hurt me. I did still care, but I didn’t want to show it anymore.
      “That still doesn’t explain why you care all of a sudden,” I said. I was quite proud I managed to get those words out, after the shocking revelation I just had.

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