I am stil alive

it felt like heaven is coming to me and giving me a nice life. he taught me everything that needed to know until suddenly everything is a big lie. he wants me dead and whenever he tries to kill me he is always wrong. he often kills me but keeps waking up again and again.
What does he want to hate my love or me to kill?
he gives exactly mixed feelings for me
1 face for granted and face 2 for living a life.
Yet still alive after every attack that lasted for 2 years.
how now with him is a mystery