Hi Grandma.
Hi Grandma.
Hi grandma,
Are you still there?
Are you aware?
I don’t think it is necessary to say that we are going to miss you.
But I am still going to say it.
We are going to miss you!
Are you happy up there?
In what form are you there?
Are you young again? That would be fair.
Or do you still have your white hair?
You already wanted this for a very long time.
That’s okay.
That’s alright.
It would be selfish to let you stay.
Hospital in and out.
Moving all around.
You were not alone in being tired of that.
Every time we thought,
Is this the last time?
But now it truly was.
It didn’t took you long to say:
I don’t want to live anymore.
Don’t want to feel this pain.
But, it took you almost two days to leave us.
The first day was the hardest.
It was a shock, I did not know it could go that fast.It was hard to accept.
We were all in sorrow,
But we had the chance to say goodbye.
Then it was up to you when you would fly.
You were deep asleep.
You didn’t even move.
But those were all just medicine.
We were all wondering,
When would you go?
When would you leave us?
Would it be at night, when there was only one?
Or none, if he would fall asleep?
But I wanted you to know,
There was always somebody at your side.
Did you know we never left you?
Did you know we watched over you
That night you were the only one who slept fine.
Nobody else did.
But the second day was easier.
I accepted you would go and didn’t cry.
We watched over you the whole day again.
In the morning I polished your nails.
Because the last time I saw you,
You asked about the silver nail polish I was wearing.
Did you noticed I polished your nails in your sleep?
Are they still polished up there?
In the noon more people came.
Stories came up about old times
Stories that made us laugh.
Did you hear us laugh?
We didn’t know, but we hoped so.
And then,
On July the first, at exactly half past seven.
You blew out your last breath.
We waited for a minute,
Cause you did it before.
Not breathing, scaring the shit out of us.
In that time, all we could do was hold our breath as well.
Was it finally time? We wondered.
And after half a minute you took a breath again.
But no,
It was truly your time to go.
I was happy for you.
You didn’t suffer anymore.
It was harder than I expected.
Thought I could be a tough girl for ones,
But it failed miserably.
Luckily, almost all of us were there.
And no one was left to cry alone.
You are family,
You were the person that connected us all.
Cousins and nieces, uncles and aunts.
Sons, daughters, grandchildren and many more.
You tied us all together.
Now we have to do that on our own.
Well, at least you made it till your eightieth birthday.
Having pie, music and us.
We all had a fun time.
I hope you’re having that right now.
And I want to say a lot more to you.
Like,Did you know Ron smoked ten years of his life in those two days?
Did you know that uncle Wim ate your eel?
Did you saw me polishing your nails?
Did you saw everybody holding your hand,
Trying to comfort themselves and you?
I guess I have to wait a long time before I can get those answers.
You’d better have them ready.
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