01.

My mother helps me pack up for my road trip even though she doesn't want me to go. It isn't safe, or that's at least what she thinks. I don't really care. All I want to do is life my life as if I am normal, which isn't really the cast right now. I don't know what happened or why God decided that my life wasn't worth it. Why I wasn't allowed to life long, but I do know that I've seen more hospital in twenty years, then a normal person does in three lives.
"Are you sure about this, darling?" she asks me, a weird expression on her face.
"Yes, mom," I say, taking my suitcase from her. "I'm one hundred percent sure that I am going to do this and I'm doing this alone. I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself and if anything happens or I get sick, I'll just go to a hospital, okay? They know how to help me and if they don't, I know."
"Oh, I know darling," mom says and hugs me one last time. "Just try to stay safe and rock the stage girl." I smile as I kiss her cheek.

Freedom overwhelms me as I drive to my first show. The main reason for my road trip is the tour I'm taking. I have arranged to be able to play at a couple of theaters, small shows, but it's been on television. It's like last wish kids with cancer get. Most of them choose to have one day at Disneyworld or something like that. I chose a tour through America, a small one, just so I can experience the same things famous artists did. Maybe, if the doctors wouldn't have told my parents I had cancer when I was ten, I would have never found my passion for the violin. The purest instrument in the whole world. Maybe, without my disease, I would have been able to experience more of life, but life isn’t worth that price. If I really would have gotten the choice, I would have picked this short, happy life. But I haven’t gotten the opportunity to choose, so I’ll just have to keep living this way.

By the time I reach my first venue, the staff is already setting up the stage for me. All I have to do is tell them where I want the attributes to be and make sure I’ll be strong enough for the performance. I rest a bit, drink some coke and try to relax. Nerves are running through my body, filling my veins with ice water.
“Are you okay?” my guitarist and boyfriend asks me as he sees me laying down. “You don’t have to preform if you’re not feeling well.”
“I’m good, it’s just some nerves I guess,”I say and try to get up. “I’ll be fine.”
“I hope so,” he says and smiles at me. “You are one heck of a fighter, you know that.”
“Thank you,” I say and hug him really, really tight. “What if they don’t like my music?”
“They will adore it,” he says and presses a butterfly kiss to my forehead. “They will love you from the first note to the last. You’ll be great.”
“Do you mind asking the staff to have a paramedic behind the scenes?” I ask him, feeling a little faint. “I have a feeling I’ll be tired as hell.”
“Of course, if you feel sick or unwell, you don’t have to keep playing. You just walk over to me and I’ll help you get off the stage.” Adam has always been a little worried. Even when we first met at school. We sat next to each other, both new at college. He didn’t know anyone and at first, he didn’t even want to talk to me. Only when he started to talk to me during breaks, I had enough courage to introduce him to my friends. Soon, my friends became his friends.
We started to hang out after school and friends always told us we’d make a cute couple. So, just as a joke, he asked me out in front of them. I said yes and we had an amazing night. After that, we pretended to be a couple. After a few months, we actually fell in love. We got through school quite well, until my doctors told me the news that the cancer was back. I remember telling him the news, crying my eyes out. He just smiled faintly and told me it would be okay, because I had won before.

After the sound check, it is time for me to get some make-up on my face, get my wig ready and enter the stage. While people are doing my make-up, I read a book, so I can relax a little bit. People are drizzling in through the doors, leaving behind a loud murmur. Adam is putting the final touches to his guitar part, not really caring about the way he looks on stage.
“The artist we are having over today, is somebody very special. Not because of her remarkable career, or because she has accomplished a lot, no. This woman is special, because she has fought hard in her life and she never backed down. Please, give her a warm welcome; Amelia Forman!” It is a strange thing to hear my own name being yelled through the microphone. Adam gives me one last kiss before I enter the stage. The crowd is gigantic. It makes me feel like I can faint any minute. Breath in and out. I have to tell myself that same thing over and over again before I feel confident enough to step over to the microphone.
“Hi everybody. I know you all came here to listen to some music and not for a girl, who’s probably too young to know what she is talking about in your eyes. All I wanted to tell you is I hope you enjoy the music.” Adam comes up, which is my sign to start to play.

The first piece we have planned, is one with just the violin and guitar. Really simple, but at the same time one of the purest pieces every composed. My fingers find their way on the strings, playing note after note. At first, I shut my eyes, but they automatically open again. I can look at the crowd and feel certain about myself, enjoy the moment. It feels amazing, knowing that those people enjoyed listening to it, or at least want to hear your music. It takes my breath away. I just play and play and play even more but the feeling lasts and to be honest, I never want it to end. Adam plays a soft, delicate piece of music through the harsher notes the violin plays. I’m not surrounded by people anymore. The wood under my floors changed into grass, the people in flowers. I laugh, run around and enjoy the moment. Me and Adam dance, we kiss, we feel more in love than we have ever been. Or at least, I do.

As quickly as it stars, the music is over. The strength that ran through my body only a spilt second ago, disappears. I fall down on my knees and close my eyes, as I feel my soul go to the heavens. It was all I needed before I passed on, was to feel good, at the right place for once and now that has been accomplished, I can finally rest and sleep. Forever.