Prologue

The sand, the sea, the stars in the sky. The beach. I looked at you. How you laughed. How you talked. The lights in your eyes. You were beautiful. Sitting around the campfire. You, me and your friends. I felt the warmth of the fire on my skin. It was the best feeling I ever had in my entire life. I felt so free. So careless. You made me feel so special. You looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. Suddenly you grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "We're going for a walk." you said to your friends and without waiting for there reaction you pulled me away from the campfire. I still looked at you. At that moment I was sure that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. We walked for a while. We both didn't say anything. It was ok. I knew we both enjoyed this moment. "You're very special to me." You said after some time. I felt my heart beating faster. I didn't know what to say. You came closer to me and before I really realised what happened you already pushed your lips on mine. I was afraid you would hear my heart beating. "I really like you." You said after the kiss. "I like you too." I whispered. A weird, nervous feeling in my stomache stopped me from enjoying the moment. Ofcourse I was happy. This was the best night that ever happened to me, but I felt bad for you. I felt bad because you just said you liked me. You just said I was very special to you. I was not special. You liked someone who was not the real me. You liked the fake me. I wasn't special to you. The fake me was special to you. The real me was a very shy person who got through alot tough things. The fake me was a careless, free and always happy person who never had problems. You liked that girl, not the real me. "Is there something wrong?" I looked up, at you and shook my head. "No no, I'm fine." I smiled again and we walked back to the others. "Should we go to sleep?" Your brother said when we were back. I nodded and grabbed my sleeping bag. We wished everyone goodnight and I felt how you quickly pushed your lips on my cheek. "Goodnight." You whispered. I felt my heart beating faster and watched the sky. The stars shined bright, there were no clouds. Beach nights in the summer were the most beautiful things ever.

Hot sand on toes, cold sand in sleeping bags,
I've come to know that memories
Were the best things you ever had
The summer shone beat down on bony backs
So far from home where the ocean stood
Down dust and pine cone tracks

We slept like dogs down by the fire side
Awoke to the fog where all around us
The bloom of summertime

We stood
Steady as the stars in the woods
So happy-hearted
And the warmth rang true inside these bones
As the old pine fell we sang
Just to bless the morning.

I've come to know the friends around you
Are all you'll always have
Smoke in my lungs, or the echoed stone
Careless and young, free as the birds that fly
With weightless souls now.

I knew I was never going to show the real me. Everything was allright. I had new friends. I felt amazing. But what I didn't know was I had to show the real me soon. There was something going to happen what would turn my life upside down. I had no choice. But for now I felt happy and that was the most important thing, right?