12. Poets of the Fall - All the way for you

Percy had tried to hide the lingering feelings of guilt he’d had to cope with. After all, it wasn’t like Oliver had anything to do with it. Percy felt like he shouldn’t bother Oliver with silly, unfounded fears. He’d decided the best course of action would be to simply ignore the nagging doubts and regrets in the back of his mind and hope that maybe, one day, he would be able to forget them, and Oliver wouldn’t even have to waste a single minute worrying about him.
      But then, one evening, they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, Oliver’s feet in Percy’s lap, and when Percy finally closed his book he caught Oliver giving him this look, and he started wondering if Oliver knew. If Oliver knew Percy was carefully keeping it in check, hiding this emotional thing that just seemed to grow larger and heavier every day. He realised Oliver did.
      He put the book aside and started talking. He talked and talked and it felt like he would never be able to stop and he felt so incredibly stupid and naïve and vulnerable and raw and it hurt. But then Oliver was there, like he had always been, like he would always be, wrapping his arms around him, telling him he was the biggest fool in all of England, possibly the world. Telling him he loved him, that he wasn’t alone, would never be alone.
      That was when Percy really, truly realised how much of an idiot he’d been. He’d kept fretting about the chance he would mess up somehow. Now, he was sure he would, absolutely certain; but it wouldn’t matter, because Oliver would also definitely, certainly still be there.

De ene dag zag ik nog dat ik het zo snel mogelijk wil afronden, en dan laat ik weer een hele tijd niets van me horen - ik ben een slecht persoon die zich niet aan deadlines kan houden. ><