Chapter 1

Monday, May 20th

Dear diary,

As you may very well know, I was never really the type of person to fit in any group. I was the outsider, the one who was bad at sports and didn't quite know how to dress well. I could have been I guess, if I'd only have wanted to. I never did though, I preferred the kind and stillness of my own mesmerizing mind. I loved how I was able to work out different ideas and create my very own world inside it. There was nobody out there in the world who could spoil it for me, in that world I was all on my own. I was the master creator, the one who made all the rules and the only one who had to obey them. It may sound strange to you, but it was all I knew, I wasn't used to other people. I had been, when I was still very, very young, but over the years I grew estranged to them. I couldn't relate to them any more. It was like I had become a completely different being. An entire new species all by myself. Other people didn't know how to cope with my ideas and theories and began seeing me as the thing I most feared to be: a monster. I never wanted to be different from the rest of the world, I really just wanted to be accepted for who I was. I didn't want to harm anybody and I probably shouldn't have, but I lost my way. All it took was that one same thing, but repeated too many times, that was all. Simple words drove me out of my mind, blurring my vision and opening me to the anger that was hidden inside my own perfect world. It was an undeniable hatred. For the first time I was introduced to the other side of my feelings, the ones that weren't all that pretty. A part of me still thinks, that perhaps it would have been better if that side of me would never have been introduced to me. Perhaps that part of me is right, perhaps my ignorance was a good thing. On the other hand, the larger part of my brain knows that ignorance is never good, not in any situation and if we're aware of our problems and weaknesses we can turn them into a strength of knowing our limits. I never knew that there were limits, my world was a fairy tale to say at the least. I had no knowledge of the world I was actually living in and therefore it never used to harm me. My parents kept it that way for me, but they too couldn't protect me from everything that was lurking in the dark corners of the outside world. Nobody could. I'm probably one of those persons who's destined for the bad luck in the world. A person who balances the fortune out. There's always two sides to everything and to this, I'm the dark side. I could play the victim, have everybody sympathise with me, but I'm not like that at all. I'd rather avoid the drama and keep it inside my mind. I don't like sharing my feelings with people and even though keeping it all cropped up inside drives me insane, it's the only possible way I have of dealing. It's the only way I know.