Noah ''Puck'' Puckerman

Season 1

Buenos Nachoes, Mr. Schue

Are you kidding? Those skirts are crunchy toast. Santana Lopez bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries.


(To Finn)I knew it. You're in love with Kurt

Sue: So, your last name is Puckerman, huh?
Puck: Shalom!


(Thinking) I love the days when I don't wear underwear. Full Commando


(To Mercedes,Kurt, Artie And Tina)I bet you thought that Bert and Ernie were just roommates too

Puck: "My mom found a mole on my head when she was washing my hair on Friday."
Santana: "Your mom still washes your hair?"
Puck: "She started crying about sunblock and how she’s always telling me to wear a hat when I’m cleaning pools. So she made me go see Dr. Freelander, the dermatologist, he said he had to shave my head to get a closer look at it. It was nothing! They maimed me over a freakin’ freckle!"


Puck: I feel like that guy who lost all his hair and lost all his strength.
Santana: Samson?
Puck: Agassi.

Puck: "I mean, it’s just a mohawk, right? I’m still Pucksaurus.."
Santana: "Actually, I don’t know if it’s the missing mohawk or the whining, but I’m totally not turned on by you right now."


(Abouth Mercedes)Puck: "Get ready, black girl from glee whose name I can't remember right now: The Puckster is about to make you his."


Puck: You're wrong. It's a really good name. It's a rockstar name.
Quinn: You wanna name our daughter Jack Daniels? She's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine - whatever. Jackie Daniels


Will: Funk. Use it in a sentence... Come on. Rachel?
Rachel: This cheese smells funky.
Puck: That's cause it's fromunda cheese.
Rachel: Shut it Puckerman!


Season 2


(To Sam) Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?


Finn: Something happened to me and I can’t really get into it, but it’s shaken me to my core.
Puck: Oh my God, he's coming out.
Finn: Why, yes, there is a man who's sort of recently come into my life, and that man is Jesus Christ.
Puck: That's way worse.


(To Santana and Brittany)You two show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night around 7 and if we don't find hotter chicks to date, we might show up.
Santana: You'r Tottaly Cool.





Finn: Dude, what are you doing?
Puck: Kurt got us a substitute, so I'm buttering the floor.
Finn: Are you nuts? Sectionals is in like 2 weeks!
Artie: Hey Gigantor, we're all gonna swap names yo.
Rachel(walks in): Hey did you guys hear something about a sustitu.....(slips on buttered floor).
Puck: YES!!! It works!


Puck: All I can say is that I didn't steal that soda machine, and if I did, I didn't do it alone.


Puck: Buddha, Allah, Satan, help me!


Puck: Are you an angel?
Lauren: Screw You.


Puck: I'm not big on reading rulebooks. Actually, I'm not big on reading.


Tina: I can't believe that teacher let those students speak to us like that.
Puck: I can't believe she threw a shoe at us.


Mr.Schue: Wait,I get the three of you being on the team-
Puck: Because two of them are Asian and Artie wears glasses?
mr.Shue: No...
Puck: *Looks down*


Season 3.

Puck: I.Am.In.Hell!


Rory: Excuse me, I've never heard of this game of dodging balls. What are the rules?
Puck: Don't. Die