It's already too late, my friend - Someone

Why did everything just have to go wrong? Why could nothing work out as he wanted? And, above all, why didn’t he love him as much as he did?
It all started at the beginning of this week, when we were in the park, just lying on the grass. We had fun earlier, played football with the three other guys. But then, it started to rain, and the other guys had gone home. But we stayed, and soaked from the rain. And then the sun came through, it was just so beautiful! We laid ourselves down and looked up to the sky. ‘I see the sky in your eyes,’ he laughed. I laughed back to him, and looked in his eyes too. And that was the first time I saw the beauty of his eyes, the real beauty. ‘What are you staring at me?’ he asked, but I didn’t hear. I just stared in his eyes, his beautiful eyes. ‘You’re not in love with me, aren’t you?’ he joked, and I woke up from my daydream. ‘What? Wait no, I’m not in love!’ I said while I smiled, but I started to ask myself: What if I really am in love with him? He’s my best friend, I can’t be, can I? Later we laughed about it, but mine wasn’t real. It was back than that I realized that I really was in love with my best friend.

The next day I couldn’t think about anything else, just me and him. I wanted him so badly, but I couldn’t tell him. It would ruin our friendship, and even if he loved me it would be weird for the people who know us, like our families. The only thing is, every time I see him I want to kiss him.

I couldn’t take it any longer, I had to tell him. I knocked on his door, and after a while he opened. He stood there, only in his boxers. Only with this sight I had a hard-on immediately. ‘Ey man, come in!’ I nodded, and stepped in. ‘So, you want to talk about something?’ he asked. ‘Yeah, there’s something I want to tell you. I think… I think I might…’ He nodded, as if he already knew the answer. ‘I think I am in love with you.’ I blushed and looked at my shoes. When I dared to look, I realized I better stayed looking at my shoes. His face expression had gone from kind to angry. ‘You… you what?’ he shouted. ‘I think…’ ‘Yes I heard you! You disgust me, you know that? Now, out of my house! Right now!’ I nodded, and almost started to cry, but I wouldn’t show him my weakness. I slowly walked down the garden path, and headed to the forest, a place where I could be alone with my thoughts. He… he didn’t love me, I knew it! Why did I have to be so stupid to tell him?! My life had not any purpose anymore. I would go home, kill myself in the toilet and go to heaven. I wanted to be dead. I just wanted to stop these thoughts. I walked home, still crying.

When I got home, I took some sleeping pills, locked myself in the toilet and ate them all, all of them. Then I heard someone came in. I slapped myself on the forehead, I left the door open. But from all the people I expected to come in, he was the last. It was him, my ex-best friend. He cried, and I wondered what was going on with him. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so unbelievable sorry. I just overreacted, I love you for more than years now, and I never had the guts to tell you. And then you came in, and I was so angry that you told me you love me, instead of me telling you that I love you. I want to be with you, if you still want to be with me?’ I nodded, and cried. He pushed me against the wall, and smashed his lips to mine. When we stopped the kiss, he asked: ‘Will you be my boyfriend?’ ‘Yes, I want to, but it’s already too late now,’ I said, and smiled to him. ‘I’ll love you forever, you know that?’ He nodded, with an not understanding look on his face. ‘Why is it too late?’ I heard him say, and then I sank to the ground. The last thing I saw from him was his face, with a horrible expression. I love you, I mouthed to him, and that was the last thing I know.

Kudo Volgende hoofdstuk