29. It’s time

For three days, Bill came over every day.
Nick never let him in. Told him to leave. I could hear them talk, one time they even raised their voices at each other. But he left every time.

I watched him through the window. The look on his face alone hurting me.

So today, I decided it was time. If Bill comes over today, I will let him in. It’s time to talk. Time to tell him… if I can.

So as usual. Bill comes over. I can hear Nick letting him in. Footsteps on the stairs.

My heart almost beats right through my chest.
A knock on the door. Not Bill’s, but Nick’s.

“Yes.” I whisper so softly I’m not sure Nick heard it. But the door opens.
“You sure?”

I nod. Then he nods too and steps aside to let Bill walk inside. The door closes, and here we are…

I stand there, in the middle of my room, just staring at the floor. Because if I look into his eyes.. I might cry.

I put my arms around myself, in an attempt to keep myself from breaking apart right in front of him.

“Evi,” his voice is soft. He takes a step toward me. “Are you okay?”

I nod, it’s a lie. But nodding is all I can do.

“Why?” he asks. “Why did you leave? Was it really that easy for you? To just write a note and leave?”

“It wasn’t.” I say, my voice so light you can barely hear it.

“I don’t understand, Evi.” His voice is less soft this time. “You said you loved me.”

“I do love you.” My voice breaks while I say those words, tears burning in my eyes.

“Then why?!” He raises his voice and I finally break completely. I start crying, not just sobbing with full out crying.

I turn around, I don’t want him to see me like this. Not like he never has before… but this is different. I shouldn’t be the one crying. I hurt him. Not the other way around.

I left him. Just like that.

And I regret it. I miss him. All I want is his arms around me. His comfort. But I don’t deserve that. Don’t deserve his love. Not after what I did. I don’t deserve any of it.

“Hej,” he steps closer, his hand on my shoulder, turning me back around. His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me closer.

My breathing instantly slows down, his scent calming me like it always does.

Bill’s fingers trace small, careful circles on my back. “Tell me how to fix it,” he says, softer now. “If you want me to fight—name it. I’ll fight.”

“Bill,” I whisper, pulling back just enough to see his face. His eyes search mine instantly.
“Hm?”

I swallow hard. My fingers tighten in the fabric of his shirt. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

His grip around me loosens. “Did you cheat?”

I shake my head.

“You have feelings for someone else?”

“No, Bill…” I exhale, trying to gain the courage to tell him. “I, uhm—“ I take a step back.

“Whatever is it, just tell me. Please.”

I close my eyes, pushing the words out.
“I’m pregnant.”

His face shifts—confusion first, then shock, like he didn’t hear me right.

He blinks at me, his mouth opening, closing. “You… you’re what?” His voice crack's slightly.
“I’m pregnant.” My own voice is barely audible, trembling. “Four weeks. I didn’t know..”

The color drains from his face. He takes a small step back. “You’re pregnant.” He repeats.

I nod. Then it stays silent, long enough to make it uncomfortable. I’d prefer if he just screamed at me at this point.
“Say something,” I whisper, hugging myself tighter. “Please…”

He takes a step back, then forward again, pacing. His eyes finally lock with mine.
“Aren’t you on birth-control? How is that even possible?”

I shrug. “It is possible.”
He drops onto the edge of the bed, elbows digging into his thighs, his clasped hands twisting restlessly.

“So what now?”
“I don’t know. I don’t expect anything from you.”
“So you really broke up with me..” he says, like he is telling himself instead of asking.

“I don’t think we should stay together just for this baby. We tried and it didn’t work. And I don’t even know if I wanna keep it.”

His head snaps up, his eyes burning into mine.
“What are you talking about? Of course you are keeping it. It’s our baby.”

My chest tightens at his words, the force behind them. “Bill…” I whisper. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is that simple.” He stands abruptly.

“You can’t just—“ he stands still, making eye contact with me. “That’s our baby.”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t been lying awake every night since the accident, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do?” My voice cracks on the last word.

Bill’s face twists, pain flashing in his eyes. He takes a cautious step closer. “And you didn’t think I should know that right away? Evi, I should’ve been there. With you.”

Tears burn my eyes again. “You weren’t supposed to be. I left you, Bill. I made that choice.”

Bill stares at me like I just ripped his heart out of his chest.

“You think that makes it okay? Do you have any idea what it did to me?”

His voice cracks, anger colliding with pain, and I flinch. He notices, softens for a second, then shakes his head in frustration.
“I would’ve fought for us. But you didn’t even give me the chance. You decided for me.”

“Bill…” My throat is tight, my tears spilling freely now.
He turns to me, eyes glassy but burning. “And now you’re telling me I wasn’t supposed to be here? That’s bullshit! I am supposed to be here. With you. With our baby.”

I wrap my arms tighter around myself, trying to hold everything in, but his words dig into me.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I whisper. “I thought leaving would hurt less than staying.”

“Hurt less for who?” He shakes his head, his voice rising. “For you? Because it’s hell for me. Do you even understand what it did to me, finding you gone with nothing but a note? Do you know what it’s been like, showing up here every day and Nick slamming the door in my face? And now—now you’re standing there carrying my child and you’re still talking like I don’t get a say. Like I’m some stranger. I’m not. I’m the father!”

“I’m sorry.”

“YOU’RE SORRY!?” He screams, taking a step toward me. I startle, taking a step away from him.

You can just get rid of our kid! I won’t let you!”

Those words make me more mad than I am sad, and the tears immediately stop falling.
“I can do whatever I want!” I raise my voice to now. “You don’t get a say in any of this! It’s my body, my choice!”