23. What if

The next day:

Evi:
I walk down the stairs, my eyes still half closed. As I enter the living room I force them open, expecting to see Bill on the couch or in the kitchen.

Instead, I see an empty coffee cup with a note next to it on the kitchen table.

“Had to go. Talk later?”

I exhale, relieved. At least now I have a little more time before that conversation happens.

I walk over to the counter, grab the biggest mug I own and put it under the coffee machine.

I only just took my first sip as the back door swings open.

“You really should start locking that door, you know.” Brenda says as she walks inside, a big smile on her face.

“Yeah yeah, I know.” I mumble.

She sets her bag down, eyes sweeping over me. “So… how was your date? Judging by the state of you, it either went very well or very bad.”

“It was probably the worst date I’ve ever had,” I say, turning toward her. “You want coffee?”

“Black,” she says, sliding into a chair at the kitchen table.

I start making her coffee. “How do you even know that guy?”

“He’s a friend of a friend.”

I turn to look at her. “You set me up with a stranger?”

Brenda shrugs. “Isn’t that the whole point of a blind date?”

I face the machine again, shaking my head. “Well, it was a disaster. The guy couldn’t stop talking about himself. Full-on monologue about him and his ex for two hours.”

Brenda leans back, a sly look in her eyes. “Or is this the reason the date was a disaster?” She holds up the small note Bill left.

I set her coffee in front of her. “No.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, setting the note back down. “Because you’re friends, right?”

“Brenda,” I warn her, giving her the look.

“Why was he even here?” She asks

“I called him.”

She lifts her eye brows.

“To talk about this great date you set me up with.”

She rolls her eyes. “He can’t be that bad.”

“He made me pay..” I say, rising my eyebrows at her. “After talking about his ex and himself the entire date he made me pay.”

“Okay fine.” She says, sipping her coffee.
“But still… since when do you call Bill instead of me when it comes to boy problems?”

I shrug. “I just wanted to talk to him.”

“Did you kiss him?”

“What?”

“You heard me. Did you kiss him?”

“I was drunk—“

Before I can finish my sentence a knock on the door stops me. Not just a random knock, but his knock.

Both are heads turn towards the door and it swings open. “You should really start locking that—“

He stops, his eyes flicking from me to Brenda and back again. “Brenda, hi.” He says, trying to hide the surprise is his voice.

“I got you some breakfast, or lunch.. I guess.” he says, closing the door behind him.

I turn my head toward Brenda again, giving her the look. She nods, she knows exactly what that look means.

“Okay, gotta go.” She stands up, walking toward Bill. I can hear her whispering something, but I can’t hear what she’s saying. Bill whispers sometimes back and I turn my head. Causing him to look at me.

Brenda looks from me to Bill, shaking her head as she walks through the door.

I fix my eyes on the half empty cup in front of me.

Bill sets the paper bag on the table. “It’s still warm,”

“I’m not hungry.” I scrape my voice.

Bill takes a seat across from me, leaning forward slightly, elbows on the table.

“Uhm,” he starts. “about yesterday..”

“What about it?” I ask, looking into his eyes, knowing damn well what he is referring to.

“Any black holes or?”

I look away, the despair in his eyes making me smirk slightly.

“No black holes.” I say, shaking my head.

“So did you think about it?”

I look at him, my brows furrowed. “About what?”

“Us. LA. Moving..”

I sigh, leaning back in my chair.

“Things are different now. You finished school, your mom and nick moved back to Belgium, your dad lives with his girlfriend… you don’t have a job.”
The last words come out quieter, more cautious.

“L.A. is beautiful.” He continues. “I’m sure you will make friends and find a job right away.”

“That’s not really the issue.”

“Then what is? I love you. And I think you love me to.”

“I do..” I stammer. “you know I do.”

“Then what is stopping you?” He puts his hand on mine, squeezing it gently. “We never gave us a chance. And I think we should.”

I bite my lower lip. “What if it doesn’t work out?”

He shrugs. “It will work out.” I open my mouth to say something. “But—“ he speaks before I can.
“I know it will work out.”

“How? How are you so sure about that?” He leans toward me. “Because we love each other. That’s all that matters. Everything else can be worked on.”

“I have to think about it…”

I hate him for making it sound so simple. Like it’s not a big deal. Because it is a big deal. Maybe not to him… they left without a second thought. Left everyone they loved behind like it was nothing.

“I need to think about it.” I repeat, pushing back my chair. I stand up and take a step away from the table.

Bill gets up as well, taking a step toward me. I take a step back, and another, until my back hits the counter.

He grabs my hips, putting me down on the counter, my legs wrapping around him as he pushes himself closer.

What if—” His lips brush against mine.
His kisses deepen, trailing from the corner of my lips along my jaw. When he reaches the curve of my neck, I can’t help it—my body arches into him, heat spiralling out from every place he touches.

“—we could do this,” he whispers against my skin. “Every day.”

His hand caress my inner thigh, his fingers stroking the fabric from my panties. I exhale, a soft moan escaping my lungs.

His mouth moves up, stopping right next to my ear. “Let’s finish this in L.A.”

He barely spoke the words, as he steps away from me. Looking at me with a teasing grin on his face.

I grab his belt, pulling him closer again, my legs wrapping around him tightly.
“Don’t you dare leave me like this, Bill Kaulitz.”