21. All of you

Bill:
I pull up in front of her house and kill the engine. As I step out of the car and head toward the front door, the door swings open.

She’s glowing, grinning from ear to ear, a cocktail glass casually in her hand. “I made a cocktail. Want some?”

Without waiting for an answer, she turns and walks back inside. I follow, shutting the door behind me, smiling.

“What kind of cocktail?” I ask, catching up to her in the living room.

“Pineapple Margarita,” she says, glancing over her shoulder with a spark in her eye.

"Sounds delicious."

She hands me a glass. I take a sip and immediately feel the alcohol burn down my throat.

“Wow,” I say, blinking. “I think you forgot the pineapple juice.”

"I might have slipped with the tequila bottle." She says, laughing.

She takes another sip, eyes locked on mine with a smirk that says she knows exactly what she’s doing.

"How much did you drink already?" I ask, grinning as I glance at her.

She shrugs. "Some wine... a few tequila shots," she says, then takes a long sip from her cocktail.

I chuckle. "Yeah, I can tell."

She tilts her head. "Oh yeah? How?"

"Your eyes," I say, still smiling.

"My eyes, huh?" she murmurs, biting her lower lip as her gaze locks onto mine.

Suddenly, she grabs my wrist. "Come, I wanna show you something." Without waiting for an answer, she pulls me with her. Out of the room, down the hallway, and up the stairs.

We end up in her old bedroom. She goes to the drawer, digging through with a certain excitement, and then turns around holding a clear plastic bag.

"Look," she says, her eyes lighting up as she holds a familiar hoodie out toward me.

I blink, stunned. It’s my hoodie. The one I thought I lost during the move.

“I thought I lost it.” I say, reaching for it.

She doesn’t let go right away. Instead, she presses her face into the fabric, closing her eyes for a moment. Then she holds it out to me again.

"Put it on," she says, gently but firmly.

"Why?" I ask, genuinely confused.

She smiles, soft, almost shy now. “I want it to smell like you again."

I raise an eyebrow. "You might wanna slow down on the cocktails," I tease.

But instead of answering, she steps in closer. Her forehead rests against my chest for a moment before she buries her face there, arms wrapping around me.

“You always smell so good,” she murmurs, her voice muffled against my shirt as she inhales deeply.

“You’re drunk,” I say, though my voice is gentler than before.

She giggles, pulling back with a playful grin. “You should be too.”

Then, before I can respond, she’s tugging the hoodie over my head like a determined stylist. I laugh and let her, slipping into the hoodie.

She grabs my hand again, dragging me back downstairs.

Once we're back in the living room, she thrusts my drink into my hand. “Here. I don’t wanna be the only drunk one here.”

“One of us should be the smart one." I say, raising an eyebrow as I take the glass from her.

"Boring." She shrugs, as she lets herself fall into the couch.

I sit beside her, taking another sip. It’s strong, a little too strong, and even half-finished, it’s already making me feel light-headed.

Evi shifts, climbing onto my lap, straddling me. Her laughter is soft and airy as she leans back a little. I catch her waist instinctively.

She looks at me with that same glint in her eyes.

God help me, I think I’m getting drunk too.

Then she leans closer, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." She giggles, her face so close to mine I can feel her warm breath on my skin.

Her eyes meet mine and I swallow, my heart beating faster by the second.

She leans in closer, and before I can react her lips meet mine. My hands grab her waist firmer, and I kiss her back.

There’s a quiet war unfolding inside me. My mind speaks in calm, careful logic, laying down reasons like stepping stones. But my heart is louder, aching with emotion.

I'm caught in the middle, torn between what is smart.. and what I so desperately want.

I shake my head gently, breaking the kiss and leaning back.

But she doesn’t stop.

Her lips find my cheek, then trace along my jaw, finally settling at the curve of my neck. I close my eyes, a soft moan escaping my lips unintentionally.

“Evi… we can’t keep doing this,” I murmur, though my hands don’t move to stop her. I open my eyes, searching hers.

“I know,” she whispers with a teasing giggle, her mouth warm against my skin as she sucks gently, teeth grazing me in a way that makes my breath hitch.

“Evi, I’m serious,” I say again, voice strained as pleasure hums through every nerve.

She looks up at me, her teeth tugging at her lower lip, eyes dark with mischief. "What? You don't want this?"

I hesitate, then slowly shake my head. She lifts a brow, unconvinced.

Her gaze drifts downward, and a sly smile tugs at her lips. “Your body says something else."

I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. “Of course I want this,” I murmur, my hands gliding down her back until they settle on her hips, pulling her gently closer.

“But I can’t,” I say, the smile fading as reality creeps in. “As good as it feels in the moment… it hurts like hell when it’s over.” I sigh, fingers brushing her cheek as I cradle her face, eyes locked with hers. "I want you.. not pieces, not moments. I want all of you.”

She starts to respond, but I speak first.

“We have two choices, Evi.” I feel her breathing change, her grip on my arm loosening like the tension in her chest is unraveling.

"Or, we go all in... Or we'll never see each other again."

"But Bill..."

"I can't just be your friend." I interrupt her. "Earlier, when you were on that date. I tried to act like I was fine, but I wasn’t. I can’t pretend anymore. The idea of someone else touching you, kissing you,... it kills me.”

I lean in until our foreheads touch, my voice barely more than a whisper now.

"I love you. I don’t want almost. I don’t want temporary. I want you. All of you. Or nothing at all.”