17. Black

Evi:
It’s been weeks now. The tour is almost over.
I haven't heard anything from Bill, not one single text, not a call, nothing.

I sit here, again, staring at my phone, his name in the corner of the screen.
Last time we talked was in Berlin.
Since then? Nothing.

I thought about texting him. So many times.
I'd start typing something, but I never hit sent.
If he wanted to hear from me, he would text first, I tell myself.
But what if... what if he's waiting for me?

I shake my head, trying to brush the thought away. That's not really his style... is it?

The tour is coming to an end, the clock is ticking.
It's now or never. Once he’s back in L.A., it's over.

But what am I even hoping for? I don't think I can handle being just friends.

And once again, he is messing with my head.

Instead of getting my life together, I wasted the past few weeks online.
Watching every episode of THTV, every shaky concert video fans uploaded.
Scrolling endlessly through Instagram clips, holding my breath for even a glimpse of him.

Has it helped? No.
If anything, it made things worse. More confusing. More painful.

Tonight’s the last show. In Vienna.

Maybe they’ll head back to Germany for a few days before flying home to L.A.?

But what if they don't? That would mean it's already to late. And there is no need in texting him.

Who am I fooling?
If Bill felt anything, if he cared at all, he would have reached out by now.
I know him. He would not just let it go.

And even if by some miracle he did feel the same... it still wouldn't work.
The same problems we had four years ago, are still here.
He lives in L.A.
I live here, in Germany.

I sigh and toss my phone onto the kitchen table.
The screen goes dark.

I pour myself another cup of coffee.
Black. The way he likes it.
The way I drink it now, even though I never used to.
But somehow the bitter taste calms me.

I startle, as my phone buzzes next to me. I pick it up fast, exhaling deeply when I see Brenda's name on the screen, and not his.

What did I expect? I lock my phone again, not even opening the message.

I sit down at the kitchen table. Again spending hours on youtube, watching the same videos over and over again.

"Hej!" I shout as the laptop slams shut. I look up, but before I can say anything Brenda starts talking.

"It's not healthy to stare at a screen all day."

I roll my eyes at her. "I'm fine." I get up, getting myself another cup of black coffee.

"Have you eaten at all today?" Her eyes follow me as I walk into the living room.

"Evi, I didn't really wanna say anything about this but, you need to get your life together. Eat more, drink less coffee. Get outside. Find a job."

"I said I'm fine."

"Yes, I heard you."

I take a sip of my coffee, staring out the window to avoid looking at her.

"So, I guess you haven't heard from him?"

"Nope." I shake my head, trying to sound indifferent.

"I don't understand why you don't just text or call him yourself."

I shrugg my shoulders. "There is no need in doing that."

I hear her sigh. "Okay then."

She turns around again, walking towards the kitchen. "I'm going to make you dinner. And you will eat it."


Brenda:
I open the fridge, looking for something I can use to make dinner with.

I'm not surprised when the fridge is empty, apart from some moldy chicken and a questionable block of cheese.

"I'll go to the store, okay? Anything you want me to bring you?" I yell towards the living room.

"No!" She yells back.

I leave the house through the backdoor, pulling my phone out of my bag.

Assuming he still has the same number, I type it in. A little chuckle leaves my mouth and I shake my head. Is it weird that I still remember it? After all this time..

It doesn't take long before I hear his voice. Confused as he says my name. "Brenda?"

"Hej, Bill. Can we talk? It's about Evi.." I say, my voice soft, a little hesitant even. Not the confident voice I usually have.

"Is Evi okay?"

I stay silent, looking for the right words.

"Brenda? Is she okay?" I can hear the concern in his voice. "No, she is not."

"Did something happen?"

"Is that even a question? You happened! She was fine before you came back."

It stays silent for a few seconds, then he starts talking.

"I—" he sighs. "she was fine in Berlin." He defends himself.

"She was never fine, Bill. She lost her job, she lost that stupid necklace you gave her, she lost—"

"She lost her job?" He interrupts me.

"Yes. And you need to fix this! Stop messing up her life!"

"How is her loosing her job my fault?" He asks, half confused half defensive.

"Wes is a doctor in that same hospital. When she broke up with him he—"

"He got her fired." He finishes my sentence.

"I didn't know.." He mumbles.

"Just fix it!' I say, ending the call and unlocking my car.


Bill:
The line goes dead and I slide my phone back into the pocket of my jeans. With a quiet sigh, I head up the stairs toward the stage.
"Ready?" I ask, walking towards my microphone.

"Finally." Tom says, slightly annoyed. 'You're late."

I roll my eyes at him. "Can we just start?"

We launch into the soundcheck, but my head’s somewhere else entirely.

After a few takes, I step off the stage, mic in one hand, phone in the other.

"Bill, what's wrong?" Tom asks.

I glance over my shoulder. “I got a weird call earlier.”

“A call? From who?”

"Brenda."

He looks at me confused, lifting one eyebrow.
"Brenda? Why?"

"Something with Evi..." I mumble.

"Evi? What's wrong with Evi?"

"I'm not sure but she—"

"Guys, it's time for the meet&greet." Nat interrupts us.

We follow her to another room, where all the fans are already waiting for us. As we enter the room, me first, Tom and the others behind me, they scream.

I put on a smile, a fake one, but I'm so used to it, that they never notice.