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FortuneTeller has entered the chatroom.

Bells913 has entered the chatroom.

FortuneTeller: Ohhhhhh, Beeeellllaaaaa!

Bells913: Oh, dear God. Not the sing-song voice. I know what’s coming.

FortuneTeller: So do I. -sigh- You’re not going to make this easy.

Bells913: OF COURSE I’M NOT! You’re using your . . . -shivers- wedding voice!!

FortuneTeller: My “wedding voice”?

Bells913: More like your “let’s irritate-frighten-frustrate-and-torture Bella” voice.

MountainLion has entered the chatroom.

MountainLion: Alice, why did you just think, “Cool! I’m irritating/frightening/frustrating/torturing Bella!”

FortuneTeller: Because I knew you’d hear it and come a-runnin’.

MountainLion: “A-runnin’”? Good Lord. You only use words like that when– oh. I see.

Bells913: You do? Then, dear God, Edward, if you love me, MAKE HER STOP BEFORE THE MADNESS BEGINS!!

MountainLion: No can do, Bella. She’s too far gone.

Bells913: EDWARD!

FortuneTeller: Okay. I have the others stationed at the ready.

Bells913: WTF?! “At the ready”?!

JazzItUp has entered the chatroom.

RedRose has entered the chatroom.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly has entered the chatroom.

MamaVamp has entered the chatroom.

StregoniBenefici has entered the chatroom.

MamaVamp: Hi, Bella, darling!

StregoniBenefici: Hello, you all!

RedRose: Hi, Bella, Edward, Alice.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: MUHAHAHA. It’s time to give Bella an aneurism.

JazzItUp: Holy cow, Em. You actually spelled it right.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: SHUT UP JASPER HALE OR I WILL KILL YOU!! I WILL RIP YOU APART AND THEN BURN YOU BIT BY BIT AND DANCE AROUND THE FLAMES!

Bells913: Whoa. Gruesome image, Emmett.

FortuneTeller: EMMETT CULLEN YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: I’LL KILL YOU TOO, ALICE!

JazzItUp: EMMETT CULLEN YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY WOMAN

MountainLion: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! BREAK IT UP!

MamaVamp: Silly children. -sighs-

Bells913: What the heck is going on with you, Emmett?

RedRose: He’s mad because Jasper pants-ed him in the middle of K-Mart. -snorts-

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: HELL YEAH I’M MAD!

Bells913: Jasper, you PANTS-ED EMMETT? IN K-MART?

JazzItUp: Guilty as charged.

Bells913: OMG. YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY. YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER. -hugs Jasper-

JazzItUp: Ummmmm . . .

MountainLion: Bella! You said I was the best person ever.

StregoniBenefici: Ahem. -coughs- Can we get back to the original discussion?

FortuneTeller: I’d like nothing better, Carlisle. So if the rest of you– ahem, -cough-, Emmett, Jasper, Bella, Edward, -cough-, are finished being IDIOTS, then we can get back to the subject. Which is, as I’m sure you all know, THE BIG DAY. -hums bridal theme-

Bells913: -cowers under chair-

MountainLion: -groans but settles into chair and prepares to endure-

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: -grins delightedly at the idea of ruining Bella’s wedding-

MamaVamp: -leans forward and claps hands together-

StregoniBenefici: -looks up from extensive paperwork with anticipation-

RedRose: -wonders why the hell we’re all posting in asterisks but still scoots forward to watch-

JazzItUp: -lounges in chair and waits-

FortuneTeller: Okay. We need to discuss all of our parts in the wedding.

Bells913: -whines from underneath chair- No we don’t . . .

FortuneTeller: -growls- Hush, Bella . . . anyway. Carlisle. You’re the best man.

StregoniBenefici: Indeed I am. -smiles- I know what to do, Alice. You’ve drilled it into my head over and over.

FortuneTeller: Okay. Esme. You’ll be working with me with designing everything and planning it out. You got that?

MamaVamp: Yes, Alice, I understand.

FortuneTeller: Emmett. You will be one of Edward’s groomsmen, naturally. And so help me God– if you screw it up– I will KILL YOU.

MountainLion: No, you won't, Alice. Not if I get there first!

Bells913: Hey, save some for me. When I become a super-strong newborn, he’s gonna get it if he makes something go wrong.

FortuneTeller: Ah, see, Bella, there’s the spirit!

Bells913: I just meant that I’m already nervous enough. I don’t need the prospect of him messing it up hanging over me.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: Don’t worry, Bella, Edward, Alice. I’ll be a good boy . . . at least until the wedding’s over. -laughs sinisterly-

FortuneTeller: ANYWAY . . . Rosalie. You’ll be playing the music because you’re the best musician. Capisce?

RedRose: I'm all clear.

MountainLion: Alice! I thought I was the most talented musician.

FortuneTeller: Yeah, yeah, whatever, Edward, of course, besides you. Anyway . . . moving on . . .

Bells913: -sigh-

FortuneTeller: Jasper!

JazzItUp: Yes, ma’am, Drill Sargent!

FortuneTeller: You’ll be Edward’s other groomsman . . . And the same about not ruining anything goes for you as it does Emmett. You also might need to be on hand in case Bella starts having a panic attack . . .

Bells913: ALICE! -pauses- Okay, that might be necessary.

JazzItUp: YES, DRILL SARGENT!

FortuneTeller: Cut it out, Jasper.

JazzItUp: YES, DRILL– I mean, okay, Alice.

MountainLion: Continue onward, Alice.

FortuneTeller: And then of course, there is the most important person behind Edward and Bella. Any guesses as to who takes the spot?

RedRose: Hmmm. You?

FortuneTeller: CONGRATULATIONS, ROSALIE HALE, YOU HAVE WON A MILLION DOLLARS!

RedRose: Freakin’ sweet.

MountainLion: A little full of ourselves, aren’t we, Alice?

FortuneTeller: Explicitly so, actually. But anyway. I’ll be, of course, head planner, working on making Bella dazzling for the wedding, AND A BRIDESMAID! -squeals and hugs Bella-

Bells913: I’m sure you’ll do a great job, Alice.

FortuneTeller: Oh, I will, if I do say so myself.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: It is SOOOO annoying when she does that.

MamaVamp: Emmett, be nice.

MountainLion: EMMETT!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: WTF?

MountainLion: I was just reacting to your thoughts . . . -glares-

MamaVamp: What does– EMMETT!

MamaVamp has left the chatroom.

StregoniBenefici: EMMETT! What did you DO?

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: I don’t know! Jesus!

MountainLion: I heard that thought, Em.

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly: SCREW YOU, EDWARD!

StregoniBenefici: Emmett, go apologize to Esme! I don’t know what you thought, but we all have a pretty good idea! And don't say "Jesus"!

EmmettTheIrritableGrizzly has left the chatroom.

StregoniBenefici has left the chatroom.

FortuneTeller: Um . . . Okay. Back to bizness.

Bells913: “Bizness”?

FortuneTeller: Yeah. Bizness.

RedRose: Okay . . . Excuse me, but I’m out of here. Later!

JazzItUp: Me, too. Goodnight, all! -tips hat and backs out theatrically-

RedRose has left the chatroom.

JazzItUp has left chatroom.

MountainLion: Alright, come on, out with it, Alice.

Bells913: We don’t have all day. The wedding’s in a week, for God’s sakes!

FortuneTeller: Okay. Bella, you’re the bride, of course. I’ll be working on you all morning. And Edward– well, you know what to do.

Bells913: So if we all know what to do, why did you even bring us in here?

FortuneTeller: To flaunt my ability as a wedding planner.

MountainLion: We can see that.

Bells913: Crap. Charlie’s going to be home soon. I’d better start dinner.

MountainLion: Wait! Before you go, Bella– any more emails from janeofvolterra?

Bells913: No, thank the Lord. But it’s still worrisome. Good thing I’ll be changing soon.

FortuneTeller: If you do get anymore, let us know, okay?

Bells913: Will do, Alice. Now I’ve really gotta go. Au revoir!

Bells913 has left the chatroom.

FortuneTeller has left the chatroom.

MountainLion has left the chatroom.