20 ways to annoy Bella Swan

1. After she returns from a date with Edward, ask her how her date with Mike went. When she corrects you, say, "Sorry, I forgot! So tell me about your date with Jacob." Keep doing this for as long as possible, getting the name wrong every time. Say names that don't even make sense: "So how was your date with Emmett?"
When she finally snaps and starts screaming at you that it was EDWARD, say "Ohhh, the vampire boy. So how was your date with Dracula?"

2. Tell Mike/Eric/Jacob/any one of Bella's fanboys that Bella will agree to go out with him if he wears fake vampire teeth and body glitter. She's into that kind of thing.

3. Explain to her that, not only is Edward technically dead (Necrophilia), he is also technically about a hundred years older than her, give or take. (Pedophilia.) Ask if her father knows about this. When she says he doesn't, (or even if she lies and says he does) go and tell Charlie all about it.

4. Send her a fake marriage proposal from every single one of her fanboys, over the course of about a week. (Or you could do it all in one day, I suppose.) Also, add at the bottom of each one: "If you won't marry me, I'll kill myself, I can't live without you, Bella!" Word it differently each time so it sounds less suspicious. Make sure none of the fanboys actually know anything about this.

5. Point and laugh hysterically whenever she falls, and "accidentally" trip her whenever she walks by.

6. Hide behind things and jump out at her, saying "I vant to suck your blood!" in the worst Transylvanian accent you can manage. Bonus points if you wear fake vampire teeth/a black cape/ect.

7. Put a small piece of "Team Jacob" merchandise somewhere in an inconspicuous place in her room. Then put another "Team Jacob" something or another in her room the next day. Do this gradually, adding more and more Team Jacob to her room until she notices. (Or until Edward notices, whichever comes first) Then, don't try to make it un-noticeable after that: Cover the walls in posters, put Jacob pillows on her bed, steal all her shirts and replace them with Jacob shirts... (Alternative: Do this with Edward's room. See if she notices before he does.)

8. Go to Bella's house while she's sleeping at night, and find Edward- He's sure to be around somewhere, watching her sleep as usual. When you find him, scream at the top of your lungs, "HI, EDWARD. WATCHING BELLA AGAIN? THAT'S COOL. YOU HAVE FUN WITH THAT. ^.^ "

9. Prick your finger with a needle and run up to Bella, screaming "AAAAAAAABELLA, I'M BLEEDING, HELP MEEE!" and pretend to faint. Make sure she sees the blood before you "faint", though.

10. Get a vampire doll/plushie/whatever you can find, and put it on Bella's dresser when she isn't home. Put some random stuff in front of it so she won't notice it. Put a walkie talkie in it or hide one near it. Then, when she's sleeping, say through the walkie-talkie, in your creepiest stalker-voice (Bonus points for a Transylvanian accent) "Bellaaa.... I am waaatching yoouu~" Followed by maniacal laughter.

11. Ask Charlie, at a time when Bella is within earshot, if it bothers him that his daughter is dating a heroin-addict vampire.

12. Tell Mike that, you weren't supposed to tell, and Bella's going to be SO mad at you, but... Bella has a secret crush on him. (Note: It doesn't have to be Mike, Bella has plenty of other fanboys you could use.)

13. When she and Charlie are not home, steal all the food in the refrigerator and hide it all under Bella's bed. Tell her Edward ate it.

14. Tell Bella that Edward told you that he's been hearing Bella saying Jacob's name in her sleep for the past few weeks, and he's getting very upset, but he was too afraid to tell her himself. Tell her you think it's time Edward knew about her secret affair.

15. Tell her Edward is planning on leaving her for Rosalie.

16. Put in fake vampire teeth (I know, I'm using the vampire teeth too much in here, bear with me) and "topaz" or gold contact lenses and say, "Look, Bella, Edward made me a vampire!"

17. Send Charlie an invitation to "Bella and Mike's wedding." See what happens.

18. Hide in Bella's room when she's not in there, and wait until she comes in, and Edward sneaks in through the window or something. Then say "HI EDWARD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SO LATE AT NIGHT?" Loud enough so Charlie can hear you.

19. Hit her in the head whenever she says "Edward."

20. On her birthday, give her a great big colorful card (One of the ones with confetti inside that makes all kinds of noise when you open it) that says "CONGRATULATIONS. You are now ____ years older than Edward (pretends to be)!" Then, follow her around for the rest of the day shouting things like, "EVERYONE MAKE WAY FOR THE BIRTHDAY GIRL!", and encouraging everyone to sing Happy Birthday with you.